Spiritual Empowerment ~ “a heart that is ready for anything” - Tara Brach

Spiritual Empowerment ~

When we are trying to control life, we are removed from presence, and act in ways that separate us from others and solidify the experience of being a insecure self. This talk explores our often unconscious strategies of seeking power, and the ways that mindful and compassionate awareness reconnects us to the source of true empowerment. When empowered we tap into the universal flow of love, wisdom and creativity. We are free to respond to life with “a heart that is ready for anything.”

Your support enables us to continue to offer these talks freely. If you value them, I hope you will consider offering a donation at this time at www.tarabrach.com/donation/.

With gratitude and love, Tara

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Middle-Schoolers Tame Anxiety in “Release” Short Film

“It feels awful, so I try to do everything perfect,” says one student.

It’s a statement we can all relate to—that anxious thought loop: if I just work on myself a little bit more, I’ll make fewer mistakes, and everything will work out better. This short film, titled “Release” takes us into the minds of middle-schoolers, struggling with social queues (“the 7-th graders think they’re the best” and “do I wear makeup?”), texting habits (“there have been stupid arguments over text messages”), bullying, and balancing homework and activities.

The hectic pace changes a few minutes in when students are guided through a mindful breathing practice. You can see on students’ faces that those thoughts are still surfacing—there are knotted brows, and a few frowns—but they begin to dissipate. A few smiles form.

“Release” is the second film by Julie Bayer and Josh Salzman, who created “Just Breathe” last year. Kindergarteners talked about how mindfulness and breathing techniques can help them cope with anger and other difficult emotions. The short aired on the Oprah Winfrey Network’s Super Soul Sunday program in the spring of 2015. Bayer was inspired to create the film after taking a six-week course with Mindful Schools, an organization that teaches mindfulness in US schools.

“What led me to mindfulness was my own relationship to anxiety,” says Bayer. “So for this particular film, I felt it was important for the viewer to be able to experience the transformation a mindful meditation practice can have on an individual’s state of mind.”

The transition moment in the film—from students speaking about their anxieties, to easing into a breathing practice, where you can still see that those stressful thoughts are coming up for them during the practice—speaks to the idea that mindfulness isn’t about fixing yourself, it’s about working with your mind. A steadiness emerges as the students return to their breathing, again and again.

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Meditation: Receiving This Life in Awareness (23:43 min) - Tara Brach

Meditation: Receiving This Life in Awareness –

In our everyday life we are conditioned to feel that life is happening to us, or that we are the doer. This meditation deconditions that self-centrality by bringing attention to the aliveness in our bodies, and then opening to receive the entire play of sounds, sensations and feelings in awareness.

photo: Janet

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The Lead Crisis in Flint: Where Mindfulness and Public Health Meet

Imagine discovering that your home’s water supply is tainted with toxic amounts of lead. That has been the reality for the hundreds of thousands of residents of Greater Flint Michigan since September 2015. Now the community is desperately seeking solutions to cope with a massive public health crisis. That quest has brought them to mindfulness.

The Extent of the Lead Problem in Greater Flint

Greater Flint has felt its share of strife. Once a booming center of auto manufacturing, the region of nearly 500,000 inhabitants, roughly 70 miles northwest of Detroit, has struggled mightily to overcome the economic depression, and high rates of unemployment, poverty, and crime that followed in the wake of the close of General Motors plants in the 1980’s and 1990’s. The once thriving city is now riddled with boarded up abandoned buildings, and its streets are devoid of grocery stores and safe public spaces.

The spring 2015 announcement of lead in the water supply was a long time in coming. Locals repeatedly complained of a bad smell, brown water, rashes and hair loss soon after their area water source was switched to the Flint River in April 2014. General Motors stopped using the water in October of 2015, fearing that it would corrode their machines. But officials remained steadfast in their denial that there was a problem, insisting, “the quality of water being put out meets all of our drinking water standards and Flint water is safe to drink.” Meanwhile, the state began purchasing bottled water for its employees in January 2015.

Assessment of the water in 252 area homes detected lead levels of 13,200 ppb, far greater than the 5,000 ppb level at which water is declared hazardous waste.

Thanks to a team of researchers from Virginia Tech University, the truth of Flint’s water supply was finally revealed. Their independent assessment of the water in 252 area homes detected lead levels of 13,200 ppb, far greater than the 5,000 ppb level at which water is declared hazardous waste. Shortly thereafter, a study released by Dr. Mona Hanna-Attisha and colleagues at the local Hurley Medical Center showed large numbers of area children ages 5 and under with significantly elevated blood lead levels. This news launched a firestorm of controversy, and a rising tide of fear that Flint area children may have suffered irreversible damage due to nearly 18 months of exposure to contaminated water.

How Lead Negatively Impacts Child Development

Lead is a neurotoxin known to significantly impact child development. Decades of research show that lead exposure early in life may lead to deficits in intelligence, impaired neuropsychological functioning, behavioral problems, and poor achievement across the lifespan.  Lead-tainted water is particularly damaging to developmentally vulnerable children because they absorb considerably higher proportions of water-soluble lead when ingested orally compared to adults. This hazard is even greater for unborn children of lead-exposed mothers, and infants consuming either breast milk or reconstituted formula.

With thousands of children affected, Greater Flint now faces a colossal public health crisis. But lead’s impact is not easy to disentangle. The area’s children already face many obstacles to healthy developmental including poverty, poor nutrition, housing instability, parenting stress, and exposure to crime and violence. In addition, while the half-life of lead in blood is approximately 35 days, it can remain in the brain for 2 years, and in bone for decades.

One longitudinal study suggests that [lead]may have a long-term impact on the brain’s prefrontal cortex, the “executive control system” that governs attention, problem solving, emotion regulation, planning and decision-making.

Although there is little research examining the long-term neurological influence of lead exposure early in life, one longitudinal study suggests that it may have a long-term impact on the brain’s prefrontal cortex, the “executive control system” that governs attention, problem solving, emotion regulation, planning and decision-making. The study included a subsample of adults from the Cincinnati Lead Study (CLS): an urban, inner-city cohort of pregnant women living in neighborhoods with high rates of childhood lead poisoning. Their children were assessed beginning at birth and repeatedly until age 17.

A total of 157 of these children agreed to undergo brain imaging as young adults (ages 19-24). Scans showed a significant, direct relationship between prenatal and postnatal blood lead concentrations, and marked decreases in gray matter volume in several key regions of the prefrontal cortex. Volume loss in these brain regions is consistent with, and potentially explanatory of, the cognitive and behavioral problems witnessed in children with a history of lead exposure.

Why Did the Flint Foundation Turn to Mindfulness for Help?

The Greater Flint community faces not only the task of supporting its youngest members in this time of crisis, but of remaining resilient in spite of it. This month, one local non-profit organization, the Crim Fitness Foundation, launched an ambitious initiative to bring mindfulness education to all of the Flint Community Schools and beyond.

“The Crim”, (as it is known in Flint) has a lengthy history of providing school- and community-based health and wellness programs to children and their families. Their ongoing focus on mindfulness stems from a fervent belief that mindfulness-based skills hold promise for increasing key cognitive, behavioral and social competencies that children will need to counter the effects of lead exposure. They may be right. Evidence from the emerging field of contemplative science points to mindfulness practices like mediation, yoga, and breathing exercises as potentially impacting the brain systems and related cognitive and behavioral abilities shown to be most impacted by lead exposure.

A 2014 systematic review and meta-analysis of published neuroimaging research found that regular meditators have differential activation in several regions of the prefrontal cortex, suggesting an increased capacity for attention, self-regulation, learning, memory, and self-awareness. Other studies link mindfulness practices with changes in the amygdala, a key part of the brain’s the limbic system that processes emotion. Specifically, regular meditation may be related to changes in amygdala volume and function, possibly decreasing emotional reactivity and anxiety, and increasing stress resilience.

Evidence from the emerging field of contemplative science points to mindfulness practices like mediation, yoga, and breathing exercises as potentially impacting brain systems and related cognitive and behavioral abilities shown to be most impacted by lead exposure.

The default mode network (DMN) is another system within the brain that is potentially impacted by meditation practice—This is the part of the brain associated with mind wandering. The DMN is represented by a number of highly interconnected structures including those in the prefrontal cortex and limbic system. This network is vulnerable to fear and stress, and plays an important role in depression, chronic pain, schizophrenia, autism spectrum disorders, and Alzheimer’s disease. A meta-analysis of 24 neuroimaging experiments showed that meditation is linked to changes in executive attention function, including functional alterations in the default mode network.

The Challenges Ahead

Based on the mounting research on the benefits of meditation, mindfulness-based programs are becoming more commonplace in the nation’s schools, with initial studies offering promising results. A 2016 systematic review and meta-analysis of the existing published and unpublished research assessing the impact of mindfulness-based trainings for elementary, middle school and high school youths identified significant improvements in cognitive performance, resilience, stress reduction, and emotional problems.

Flint is not the only city in this country with a lead problem. A recent report by the Natural Resource Defense Council found that 18 million people across the US were served by water systems with lead violations. With this growing recognition of the prevalence of lead in North American communities, we are likely to witness its impact on the nation’s children well into the future. The Crim Fitness Foundation, and its mindfulness programming efforts are poised to teach us a great deal about the potential for mindfulness-based education to alleviate some of lead’s deleterious developmental and biopsychosocial effects.

For Flint, the impact of the Water Crisis is vast and complex. Those of us working in the community recognize that mindfulness education addresses but one, small piece of a multifaceted puzzle. But we are optimistic that these steps will enhance resilience, strengthen cognitive and behavioral capacities, and promote kindness, and compassion, which will benefit the community immensely over the decades of healing to come.

On October 6, 2016 the Crim Fitness Foundation is hosting a community summit featuring author and lecturer Jon Kabat-Zinn. He will share his expertise, clarity and wisdom about the value of mindfulness as a tool for bringing health and healing to the children of Flint and the surrounding community. This event will present the community with information about how the Crim Fitness Foundation has been and is continuing to bring mindfulness education to children in Flint Community Schools and the dynamic new curriculum tools that will be available to teachers and students in the coming year.

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Want to Boost Your Well-Being at Work and Get More Done? Forgive Your Colleagues

Over the last two decades, much research has been published about the positive impact of forgiveness, particularly on the forgiver and in relationships. Now, a new study—building on a smaller but growing body of research in the workplace—supports the power of forgiveness to potentially improve well-being and productivity in professional settings.

Conflict among colleagues is inevitable, and—left unheeded—associated with significant stress, health problems (both mental and physical), and poor productivity. Researchers set out to explore the role of forgiveness in ameliorating these negative impacts.

The participants—more than 200 employees working in office jobs in Washington, DC, or manufacturing jobs in the Midwest—responded to questionnaires about their levels of forgiveness, productivity, and well-being.

The first survey asked respondents to focus on a specific offense, and how they believed it affected them. The second study looked at participants’ general tendency to be forgiving and their general state of mind and work habits over the previous month.

In both cases, forgiveness was linked to increased productivity, decreased absenteeism (fewer days missing work), and fewer mental and physical health problems, such as sadness and headaches. In the second study, these benefits were partly explained by reductions in interpersonal stress that went along with a forgiving disposition.

This new research is important to employees and employers alike, as a lack of forgiveness negatively affects the individuals involved and organizations as a whole. Holding on to negative feelings after a conflict may lead to disengagement at work, a lack of collaboration, and aggressive behavior. Carrying a grudge is also associated with increased stress and a host of negative emotions, including anger, hostility, and vengeful rumination.

Since many people who have been in conflict need to continue to work together, forgiveness can be an effective coping tool, and a way to repair relationships and restore trust—both of which are key to effective work cultures.

More evidence of the power of forgiveness

In 2012, my team at Courageous Leadership LLC worked with employees at Google to build a more courageous culture, including the courage to forgive (one of the keys to healthy ongoing work relationships). We had employees share times when they failed to act on their values at work, to admit they didn’t understand something, or to speak up when they thought they had a better idea. This was designed to remind everyone how easy it is to act outside of our values in stressful situations—to do something that might merit forgiveness.

Participants then practiced taking courageous action. We had them use the REACH model (developed by Everett L. Worthington, one of the coauthors of the new workplace study) to practice forgiveness by identifying current grudges and work on forgiving (not condoning) the behavior. Participants also remembered and shared when others had forgiven them.

Our program also showed positive impact. Participants reported a greater understanding of the power of stressful situations to negatively affect behavior. They also reported feeling better and more connected afterward; as one noted: “I had a deepened sense of lightening inside, like letting go of heavy weights. I feel the forgiveness exercise for me was very powerful.” Participants also took more social risks, like offering new ideas, admitting fears or concerns, and asking for or offering help.

Research shows that this kind of forgiveness can even impact employees who aren’t involved in the conflict. When people see others practicing forgiveness (and other virtuous behaviors) at work, it often fosters positive emotions that can improve decision-making, cognitive functioning, and the quality of relationships.

There’s an old saying (attributed to everyone from the Buddha to Carrie Fisher) that goes, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” If you’re holding onto a grudge at work, you could be sharing the poison with your colleagues.

How to foster forgiveness at work

Unresolved stress from interpersonal conflict often dampens our cognitive and compassionate capacities, making it hard to find a way to forgive. Drawing on the implications of their study, the researchers offer individuals and organizations some suggestions to foster forgiveness at work:

Leaders’ behavior often has the greatest impact on organizational culture, a kind of contagion effect. Leaders who model forgiveness on a regular basis are cueing similar behavior in others.

• Model forgiveness at work, particularly if you’re a leader. Leaders’ behavior often has the greatest impact on organizational culture, a kind of contagion effect. Leaders who model forgiveness on a regular basis are cueing similar behavior in others.
• Apologize and attempt to make restitutions. If we don’t take responsibility for our mistakes, distrust grows and the fear of something happening again can be worse than the original incident.
• Rebuild trust by working on a common task, creating new experiences and memories of cooperation.
• Conduct interventions (sometimes best done by third parties) to address conflict and foster forgiveness. Invest in programs to build understanding and teach evidence-based tools for ongoing forgiveness in the workplace.

There’s an old saying (attributed to everyone from the Buddha to Carrie Fisher) that goes, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” If you’re holding onto a grudge at work, you could be sharing the poison with your colleagues.

Forgiveness, of course, does not mean we condone or ignore bad behavior. Every workplace should have policies and procedures for dealing quickly with serious transgressions. However, if you do feel ready and the situation warrants it, give forgiveness a try. It could help you, your colleagues, and your workplace.

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

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Empowering Kids to Feel Safe Saying No

How to Fight for Focus

Focused attention is the basis for effectiveness. Without it, any sort of complex activity is made more challenging, if not impossible, to skillfully execute.

We all need to become more active and muscular in setting boundaries and priorities about how we work and live. This is becoming increasingly more important as old boundaries dissolve (think 9-5 workday, leisure-time on the weekend, vacations that allow undisturbed away time), and work permeates every nook and cranny of life. It’s easy to default to allowing the external conditions dictate our daily schedules. But a few simple strategies can help us craft our time and exercise previously unknown aspects of personal power.

In a previous post I introduced Eleanor, a high performing executive I worked with at a global aerospace firm. Wrestling as we all do with interruption, distraction, and stress, she decided to fight back. Here are some of the tools she used:

1) Manage Interruptions

The unintended side effect of always being available is that your calendar becomes a highly permeable membrane that is frequently breached by unbidden interruption. And interruptions can be costly. A 3-second interruption can lead to double the number of mistakes on a subsequent task, according to one study. So, Eleanor decided to take back her “open door policy” and restrict her accessibility to certain hours of the day.

When you discover that you can actually set your own boundaries and that often those boundaries stick, it’s like discovering you have super powers.

While the team struggled with it at first, they gradually turned a corner. “You know what?” she laughed, “It turns out that rarity increases value!” Limiting access time made her team more purposeful and deliberate in their interactions. They used their moments with greater intention and clarity. Of course, this has always been more obvious at the top of the hierarchy where the value of a leader’s limited attention is clearer. But now the same lessons are being applied in places other than the C-suite.

The team also made the decision to structure their time so that “at the end of the day we have accomplished important things.” With that in mind, they began to internalize what needed to be done with less dependence on “approval” from the boss. (Usually about things they already knew the answer to.) In essence they became more self-confident and self-managing. “I learned it’s okay not to be accessible all the time.” Furthermore, because they became more deliberate about their time and intention, the quality of their relationships increased.

2) Preserve Attention

Interruptions are flow-killers. Frequent interruptions create exhaustion, fatigue and stress-induced ailments like migraine headaches. While its easy to blame technology, the most common source of interruption is your fellow human. Like many offices, Eleanor works in an environment of glass walls (while a growing number work with no walls at all) and realized that her desk faced her floor’s primary entry point. Whenever she made eye-contact with someone coming on to the floor, they exchanged a “Hi!” “I felt like I was the greeter at Wal-Mart,” she lamented. Realizing that her office itself was the cause of distraction, she rotated her desk 90 degrees to face the wall. “It was a revelation!”

3) Communicate Your Needs
People who have their own offices are more protected from those who work in open environments. Unsurprisingly, the open office makes you more vulnerable to interruption, nearly 30% more.

So, for associates assigned to the open office section, they developed a signal to let others know not to bother them. Calling themselves “the sitting ducks,” a rubber duck on top of the cubicle told everyone else “leave me alone!”

4) Block Out Time
Recently, someone approached me about her organization’s meeting culture. “We’re always in meetings and never have time to actually get things done.” What should they do? I found myself saying, agree on a certain time, maybe a day or two-half days, where no meetings are scheduled. Her eyes went wide with surprise, a simple idea no one had yet considered.

Also, through the ongoing team conversation about “accomplishing important things,” a core practice was instituting “Project Focus Time” where each team member was given 90 minutes of undisturbed attention. This buffer zone opened space for the deep concentration.

When you discover that you can actually set your own boundaries and that often those boundaries stick, it’s like discovering you have super powers. Don’t think that it always works or doesn’t require constant vigilance. We can’t allow ourselves to become passive in accepting conditions that can actually be challenged. Often it means eking out one or two added degrees of freedom to find space in the cacophony. Yet, those are the moments we must fight for.

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Fear and the Black Body

Social justice activist Dr. Marisela Gomez and Police Lt. Richard Goerling stand on seemingly opposite sides of the heart-wrenching conflict unfolding in America between communities of color and white policing.

Dr. Gomez is a community activist, author, public health professional, and physician who has spent more than 20 years in Baltimore involved in social justice activism and community building. She is the author of Race, Class, Power, and Organizing in East Baltimore. Lt. Goerling has served in civilian law enforcement for twenty years and has spent the last decade spearheading the introduction of mindfulness training into policing in the United States as part of a larger cultural transformation toward a compassionate, skillful, and resilient warrior ethos.

Both believe that mindfulness, as a common thread, offers a solution for transcending fear, diffusing violence, fostering understanding, and inviting transformation. Here are their voices:

Dr. MARISELA GOMEZ: Many police officers fear the Black body. This fear was instilled since enslavement times when “policing” came about as a way to control and oppress enslaved people who gathered. But the seeds of this fear of the dark “other” continue to live in many white minds and bodies. The cultural imprinting of racism, of superiority, fear, hatred, and anger percolates throughout our national consciousness. We continue to sow new seeds of separation and violence that lead to violent policing and segregated and disinvested communities like the one in which Freddie Gray lived. As Black and Brown bodies, we have inculcated the greed, hatred, fear and delusion of our white sisters and brothers resulting in feeling and acting from inferiority, worthlessness, and self-hatred.

How do we handle this burden of racism?

This burden of racism requires healing, in ourselves first. Mindfulness allows me to keep in mind the ethic of peace, love, balance, and reflective-judgment. Remembering that in any moment I might be responding to past traumas provides me the space to step into the present moment, to reflect and notice where in me it hurts and when it hurts, and why it hurts. Following the breath, noticing the sensation of the body as the breath energy moves through helps me become aware of where there is tension, where there are knots, where there is imbalance. Slowly as I diffuse a knot I unravel the mental and physical memory held in that knot.

And so it goes, over and over and over again, a healing that comes from stillness, mindfulness, reflection, and discernment. This healing allows me the gentle eyes to see the result of historic and current racial trauma and create spaciousness inside of me. And no, this does not happen in that moment of some racist encounter. It happens in the daily mundane acts of life as we walk, talk, eat, sit, stand, and begins to change the imprints of past and current traumas so in that new moment we have new lens of perception and ways of being.

As we heal we begin to see other’s journey of healing and provide space for their journey. This spaciousness also allows us the wisdom to determine the best action to take when confronted with individual and systematic racism. We do not ignore the evidence of racism. No, on the contrary, we are able to meet it with calm and control. As activists this is critically important as we dedicate our lives to changing unjust systems of oppression often by engaging with people who maintain these systems in place, knowingly and unknowingly.

Like the July 4th weekend in Baltimore city when I was pulled over by two white officers. They both approached my car from both sides, both speaking at the same time to me, commanding me to do something. Who wouldn’t get angry and act in a way that might be interpreted as “resisting” or “confrontational”? In that moment I realized that I had to act from a place of control and not fear and anger like they were. They were my burden. I had to be the one that rose above the violence, hatred, and fear. With my hands on the steering wheel so they could see there were no weapons involved, calmly I turned to the one on my side and told him that they needed to decide who would speak because I would not respond to both of them. He responded: “Listen to me.” I said: “ok, what did you say.” I provided what he asked for and they let me go. Perhaps one day I too will be shot because the officer/s may be so angry and fearful and violent that they are unable to respond to calm and reason; like the shootings of the Black bodies that have been recorded, most recently in Tulsa, Charlotte, Falcon Heights, Baton Rouge.

In that moment I realized that I had to act from a place of control and not fear and anger like they were. They were my burden. I had to be the one that rose above the violence, hatred, and fear.

Whatever the future holds in this violent society set on the destruction of the Black and Brown body, most readily seen through police killings, I would prefer to die aware and in control my mind, not afraid. My hope is that my brothers and sisters whose lives have been taken by police did not die afraid, but with calm in their minds as they courageously faced or turned away from their oppressors.

Lt. RICHARD GOERLING: Leading our nation out of its current policing crisis will require participation from all of us. This is no easy task, to be sure. The following are some ideas for your consideration of how each of us can participate in police reform. I focus on three broad arenas: training, structure, and understanding police culture.

First, we must deliver evidence-based skills training to police officers. Officers need more than tactics; we need multi-disciplinary training that broadens our understanding of socio-economic issues. This profession has turned the corner toward complex social work with the ever-present necessary vigilance for safety.

Second, the evolution of policing requires some radical shifts in thinking and leadership. Here are some ideas:

• Executive Leadership Think Tank. Police executives need a “kitchen cabinet” of diverse leadership and talented critical thinkers to help guide them in this complex landscape. This team should be apolitical, non-judgmental, and offer counsel free from expectation.
• Change how we select executive leaders—tenure and tradition are paralyzing our forward evolution. We must find ways to break away from traditional approaches to hire the police executives that can lead culture change.
• Empower police leaders as they shift their paradigms. The job of a police executive is more difficult today than ever before. They will require collaboration and support from community and civic leaders. Get to know us. Support us. Hold us accountable.
• Change our funding models. Help police agencies find external funding for mindfulness training and encourage government leaders to invest in police officer performance before the trauma. In order to effect change in our communities, we must first lead change within our police organizations and this costs money.

Finally, while police culture is frequently dysfunctional, there is a deep complexity here that we must all diligently seek to understand. Here’s some ways we can gain that understanding:

• Seek to understand with an open mind and heart, resisting the temptation to judge and/or vilify, the men and women within the police institution.
• Learn how trauma and operational stress impact the human beings behind the badge. This is a critical area of study and one that policing fails to address with tragic consequences for police officers and the public alike.
• Learn from those who’ve been negatively impacted by policing. Similarly, allow your learning journey to illuminate the legacy of racism that exists in policing and the criminal justice system.
• Don’t believe everything you hear from current police leadership. We are often wrong, and often inhibited by groupthink and tradition.
• Have informed conversations with your family, neighbors, and your community around these issues. What would an ideal police culture look like in your community?
• Engage civic and political leaders in discussions of resiliency, performance, and humanity.

Everyone knows the age-old adage that one bad apple can spoil the barrel. Perhaps the barrel is bad. Right now the barrel of our police institution is a crucible in which police officers slowly dehumanize.

Everyone knows the age-old adage that one bad apple can spoil the barrel. But that may not be accurate for some institutions. Perhaps the barrel is bad. Right now the barrel of our police institution is a crucible in which police officers slowly dehumanize. The medical data, the suicide rates, the rates of addictions among police officers, and the current landscape of police-community relations among people of color all corroborate a systemic failure. May we all join together to create opportunities for healing, forgiveness, and the cultivation of resilient communities.

On October 15, 2016, at a TEDx event in NYC called TEDxWashingtonSquare, Dr. Marisela Gomez and Lt. Richard Goerling will join other mindfulness leaders and social change agents to explore the innovative ways change is taking place on both the personal and societal levels. Visit tedxwashingtonsquare.com (#PracticingChange) to learn more.

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How to Activate Your Inner Resources

It’s not unusual to feel that the vital resources we need to live satisfying lives can be found in the outside world. This is certainly a constant trope for advertisers and marketers. Anyone who has experienced periods of depression or anxiety will also recognize the tendency to secure self-worth and wholeness through external gains and status. Few of us are immune to this siren song and when we let ourselves be guided to search externally we may overlook valuable capacities we already have. This video on cultivating inner resources for mindful living suggests what some of these capacities are and how they await our discovery through the simple act of paying attention.

What are inner resources and what is mindful living? Can inner resources be purchased? Or are they things that can be uncovered that are already inside ourselves. Watch the video to be guided through two exercises that explore these questions through the lens of practice and see what you discover.

 

To explore exactly what is going on with our attention when we practice, please read “Unpacking the 3-Minute Breathing Space.”

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Mindful Books and Apps Worth Checking Out This Month

1) ON THE VERGE

Wake Up, Show Up, and Shine
Cara Bradley (New World)
A business coach, a basketball coach, and a congressman endorse this book, which gives you a good idea of whom it’s aimed for. Bradley is a former professional figure skater—think of many long cold mornings of practice and thousands of trips and falls—who now teaches yoga and mindfulness, to develop what athletes call “mental strength” or agility. Bradley’s upbeat spirit jumps off the page in a book that is both practical and inspirational for active people who want to synchronize their body and mind to perform at their best.

2) IT DIDN’T START WITH YOU

How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
Mark Wolynn (Viking)
Many people who meditate begin to discover how vulnerable they are as they notice old wounds that have festered, unattended. If you prick us, we bleed. If you prick us with words and attitudes, we bleed inside. The wounds scab over, but the scars remain, and can be passed on generation to generation, creating new wounds. Wolynn presents practical methods to examine where this pain resides and find healing and resilience.

3) CURE

A Journey into the Science of Mind Over Body
Jo Marchant (Crown)
What power does the mind have to heal the body? Science writer Jo Marchant explores research into the placebo effect, meditation, prayer, conditioning, and hypnosis. Her aim is to re-introduce “mind” into conventional science and medicine, since “body”—a more measurable unit of study—has “sidelined the more intangible effects of the mind.”

4) EAT RIGHT: NOW!

Judson Brewer (Claritas MindSciences)
Stress-eating is like scratching an itch. “We get a momentary distraction because our brain gets a spritz of dopamine,” says cravings expert Judson Brewer. For some, that chemical surge trumps stress and provides a feeling of control, creating a habit. Eat Right: Now! trains users to differentiate between stress-related hunger and actual hunger. Users learn mindfulness practices to ride out cravings and can find support from an online community.

Bonus Reading and Listening:

1) SLEEP SMARTER
21 Essential Strategies to Sleep Your Way to a Better Body, Better Health, and Bigger Success, by Shawn Stevenson

2) LIVING WITH DIFFERENCE
How to Build Community in a Divided World, by Adam B. Seligman, Rahel R. Wasserfall, and David W. Montgomery

3) MINDFULNESS
How School Leaders Can Reduce Stress and Thrive on the Job, by Caryn M. Wells

4) BEING TRUE
What Matters Most in Work, Life & Love, by Tami Simon

5) MINDFUL SELF-COMPASSION
Core Meditations, by Christopher Germer

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Meditation: Listening to and Feeling Our Life (17:56 min) - Tara Brach

Guided Meditation – Listening to and Feeling Our Life

Listening to sounds is a powerful way to quiet the thinking mind and connect with the natural openness of awareness. This meditation emphasizes the anchor of listening, and guides us to relax through our bodies and let sounds wash through us. In this receptivity we find a homecoming to full presence and peace.

photo: Jon McRay

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Three Mindful Practices for the International Day of Peace

What’s On Our Minds

Meditation Gets Real(ish)

Meditation, so we have heard, allows us to connect with the world, and with ourselves, in a powerful way. With the help of a new app, you can now meditate to connect with the virtual world as well.

Guided Meditation VR is the first virtual reality meditation app to hit the scene. Developed by Cubicle Ninjas, it allows you to “expand your mind,” by placing a headset over your eyes and ears and immersing yourself in a serene illustrated environment like a lush, sandy beach or a burnt orange and rusty red-hued treescape, while listening to a guided meditation of your choosing (the nine options include “Zen” and “Relaxation”). It’s just you and the raw, unfiltered world of virtual—that is, almost real—reality.

It might be hard to get on side with the idea that sitting on a fake beach can expand your mind, as the app claims, but if you just wanna chill out and be part of a pretty simulation, why not? It is cool technology, after all.

Then again, you could always get outside, breathe some fresh air, and take in a bit of the real world instead.

When Teens Befriend Themselves

Practicing a little self-kindness might help young people weather the turbulent teenage years. In a pilot study, Karen Bluth of the University of North Carolina taught a six-week course on mindfulness and self-compassion to about 30 adolescents. The kids learned to acknowledge and soothe their own distress while recognizing that such suffering is common to the human experience. Afterward, they reported less anxiety, depression, and stress.

Psychedelic Mindfulness?

Meditation. LSD. Magic mushrooms. Is some combination of these an effective treatment for anxiety and depression? Meditation is known to work. But recent research out of Imperial College London shows that psilocybin, the active compound in psychedelic mushrooms, also helps against anxiety and depression. Now neuroscientists at Johns Hopkins University are looking at treatments combining the two approaches. They hope people suffering from mood disorders who find meditation especially difficult will get a similar benefit from psychedelic drugs.

Read more news and current mindfulness research in the October issue of Mindful magazine, on newsstands now.

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Connecting with Challenging Kids by Leaning in to Discomfort

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia, author of Living, Loving and Learning’ (1982)

I (Mitch Abblett) have 20 years of clinical experience with a range of challenging clients, from teen sex offenders to combat veterans to teens at intensive residential and therapeutic school settings. I’m a licensed psychologist who’s spoken nationally and internationally—I literally wrote the book on mindful management of difficult clients.

And I couldn’t even start a conversation with my own daughter, only six years old.

As I gripped the steering wheel and caught glimpses of her as she sat in the back seat, munching away on a bag of stale popcorn, I found myself going stale as well—my courage for breaking open the possible Pandora’s box of her pent-up angst over her own challenges at school was getting the better of me again.

I’d spent decades stepping into minefields of complex and volatile topics in my clinical work, yet my fear of tripping the wires of pain and discomfort for my daughter (and for me), was stopping me short.

Most of you reading this are (or will be) in a caregiving role (personal or professional) with a child who is struggling. When faced with a child or teen you know who suffers from an emotional or behavioral condition—or even if their situation is not “diagnosable,” yet you’re convinced they are struggling in a significant way—then it’s important to consider how willing you are to lean into the situation and devote the emotional energy to addressing the child directly. Is this child’s suffering an elephant in the room that’s blatantly clear and left unattended? Younger children need adults to set the tone for the “rules” for managing behavior—they need your explicit guidance. Teens (though they still need rules) may be struggling with a long history of not being understood—it may be part of their emerging “identity.” They may not trust your initial efforts to reach out to them as authentic and may brush you off.

If you’re a parent, family member, teacher, clinician, or in some other caregiver role, ask yourself how much addressing the child or teen’s suffering matters to you. If you find yourself convinced of your desire to help, check the following list of common obstacles. These are thoughts that often surface for caregivers, effectively scuttling their ability to be effective.

Self-Assessment of Caregiver Inner Obstacles to Helping:

• “I’m not good at this stuff—I won’t find the right words.”
• “I’m not an expert or trained at this.”
• “I don’t want to overstep my boundaries.”
• “I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill—I don’t want to create a problem when one isn’t there.”
• “I don’t want to trigger a huge meltdown.”
• “I don’t know what to say.”
• “Somebody else will talk with them, so I don’t need to.”
• “They look fine, if something was needed from me, they would tell me.”
• “I tried this once before and it didn’t go well.”
• “It’s not the right time/place.”
• “I don’t have this condition, so who am I to try and help?”
• “I don’t know if this is really necessary in this instance.”

If you noted one or more of the above thoughts as a common companion when you’ve been face-to-face with an agitated, upset, disruptive, or withdrawn child or teen, then it’s no wonder you’ve found it challenging to lean into the situation with full intention. Such thinking has a way of stalling the best of us. It would be completely understandable if you came toward the teen either too much “heat” (i.e. trying to force things to change) or not enough “warmth” (i.e. losing track of your heart-strings and bowing out in some way).

Creating a Foundation for Change: Lean in to Discomfort

The child or teen’s behavior may be off-putting or uncomfortable for you. But it is a “message”—it’s their unintentional way of telegraphing their emotional pain. Discomfort and inconvenience to the side, ask yourself: When it comes to this kid’s suffering, am I willing acknowledge the elephant in the room?

The child or teen’s behavior may be off-putting or uncomfortable for you. But it is a “message”—it’s their unintentional way of telegraphing their emotional pain.

The act of taking the time to even ask or check up on the child helps far more than you will ever realize. Trust yourself. You’re doing right here. You’re doing good work just thinking about this, and the their needs. Even if you are wrong about the need to help in a particular situation, just the willingness to ask pays so many dividends down the line in the child’s life. It plants the seed of compassion exactly when they needed to believe that their challenges would be heard. It teaches them that such caring is possible, and helps them receive compassion, and perhaps spread it to others. They learn to say to themselves something like: “Wow…Mr/Ms. X really is trying to understand what’s happening to me … they might really care…”. In response to such a gift, the child or teen might even venture believing that they’re not as “defective” or “crazy” as they might have assumed. It opens up a new line of communication. “Maybe I can talk with other adults in the future now and not hide it…maybe I can even start opening up about stuff.” Mindfulness of our thoughts and feelings in awkward or uncomfortable caregiving situations creates this foundation for compassion and change for children.

As in the list above, you might say to yourself, “But I’m not trained in this. I’ll screw it up. The kid will see through me and know I have no idea what I’m talking about. I’ll make it worse. I’ll end up hurting their feelings by saying something unintentionally hurtful.”

Think of it this way—when you’re compassionately and mindfully working through tough situations with kids and teens, you’re not the “expert” adult—instead, you’re just a fellow human being.

No, you’re not an expert in this field (or maybe you are and still have doubts!). But expertise or acumen is not what you’re not trying to prove here, anyway. That’s not the role you’re seeking to achieve. You’re not assuming ultimate responsibility for this child or teen’s inner experience, nor should you. While parents are responsible for kids’ welfare, only the child themselves is in charge of how they think and feel (especially true with teens). But how you manage yourself—how willing you are to break silence or slow your reactive “get your act together” comments—determines what ingredients they will have to work with in future situations. Your compassionate courage can set the stage for them taking healthy risks and working through their own discomfort. Younger kids will benefit from the comfort and containment your interventions provide. Teens will increasingly respect your willingness to be respect them enough to be authentic. Think of it this way—when you’re compassionately and mindfully working through tough situations with kids and teens, you’re not the “expert” adult—instead, you’re just a fellow human being.

Obviously, if a child or teen does begin sharing with you and the content is highly “clinical” or safety-related (e.g. suicide, self-harm, substance abuse, or other high-risk behavior), it’s important to reach out to parents and experts in the child’s life. But many of us don’t wade in at all assuming someone else already has—that someone else has this under control. It’s a form of bystander apathy that has literally contributed to preventable deaths, and can deaden a kid’s faith in adults’ willingness to help.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”—George Bernard Shaw

So when a child or teen is anxious, disruptive, shut down, or says they “don’t care,” the key is for you to lean into your discomfort and do or say something from a stance of mindful awareness that says that you indeed do care. Here’s the basic message to the them: “I want you to know that I am here to help you in any way that I can as your (teacher, uncle, mentor, insert-your-role-here)—to just make your time in my presence as comfortable as I possibly (within reason) can. I genuinely care.”  

Use the practice below to lean into awkwardness or discomfort in the moment and take that leap with the kid. And then, be willing to do so again because a lot of kids (teens in particular) won’t believe that a first attempt was genuine, or that anyone will indeed stay in their corner. You have to be willing to keep showing up.

Compassionate, mindful communication with children who are struggling does not mean you’re going to be a pushover who lets kids get away with anything. Yes, hold teens accountable for the effects of behavior on others, and be willing to do so with a stance of compassion, inner flexibility, and a willingness to focus on their needs, not yours.

From the back seat, my daughter let me know she didn’t want to talk about her troubles at school. “I don’t want to talk about it, Daddy!” she yelled. She was quiet for a while, and so was I.
“It makes me embarrassed,” she said, quietly, like a small animal venturing out from its safe haven.

We then talked the rest of the way home about how tough such feelings can be, and I had the beautiful experience of listening as she risked walking gingerly over new ground with her budding emotionality. I got to plant a seed and watch in wonder as it sprouted far sooner than I thought possible. I needed only be willing to bear witness to my own discomfort without flinching. I just needed to lean in.

Mindfulness Practice: Seeing Behind Bad Behavior

When you simply know a child or teen is in need, and the circumstances seem awkward, make you anxious, or it feels as though it’s really better left to others, consider practicing the following. Consider “eyeing the prize” behind the kid’s behavior by reaching out to the vulnerable part of them that prompted the situation in the first place. This soft spot is truly the “prize,” because if you help the child or teen hold it with compassion, incredible things can come of it to expand their life.

Use this practice to lean into awkwardness or discomfort in the moment and take that leap with the kid. And then, be willing to do so again because a lot of kids (teens in particular) won’t believe that a first attempt was genuine, or that anyone will indeed stay in their corner. You have to be willing to keep showing up.

1. Establish mindful PRESENCE . . . Notice sensations of anxiety, discomfort or frustration that are showing up in your body as you approach the child or teen. Let the sensations be just as they are. Breathe into them.

2. REMEMBER . . . this kid is suffering, and did not choose it (and even if they’re doing something negative or disruptive “on purpose” in that moment, they didn’t wake up in the morning with a master scheme to mess with everyone).

3. INTERVENE from the “ZERO POINT” (i.e. drop all your agendas for meeting your own needs and making yourself comfortable, and focus on what matters most for this young person). INTERVENE by:

• Seeing the “truth” (i.e. specifically stating what you see happening without any labels or judgment—what is the child or teen doing?)
• Speaking the truth for you (i.e. saying that you are concerned and want to help, be supportive, listen, etc.)
• Speaking the truth for them (i.e. saying that you have no way of knowing what it feels like for them, but that you’re curious and willing to listen without judgment or a sense that the kid is “bad”)
• Being the truth (i.e. actually listen to truly understand the child or teen versus waiting to make your point; also following through on doing things that support, advocate, or give assistance to them; and also be a model of flexibility, courage and compassion with your own behavior).

4. EMPOWER the child or teen by letting them know you are confident they can manage this, that it’s okay to accept help, and that the choice for how they experience and express what’s hard for them is always up to them.

References

Buscaglia, L. (1982). Living, Loving and Learning. New York: Ballantine.

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The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Working with Attachments and Addictions - Tara Brach

The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Working with Attachments and Addictions

In Buddhist cosmology the torment of intense desire that can never really be satisfied is depicted as the realm of Hungry Ghosts. This talk explores the attachments and addictions that so many of us struggle with, and the teachings and practices that can liberate us.

Original talk on 2015-07-29

photo: Jon McRay

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Audience Development Manager

Join a small team of media specialists who are establishing the most trusted voice and go-to brand in presenting secular mindfulness to a mainstream audience. Collaborate with us by bringing your experience in brand management and content marketing to our multi-media platforms, driving continuous readership growth and circulation profitability at our flagships, Mindful magazine and mindful.org, as well as our emerging online video courses and events. Coordinating across teams, you will implement organic and direct marketing plans to meet audience growth potential and revenue goals through subscription sales from both traditional and digital sources.

Mindful’s parent organization, The Foundation for a Mindful Society, is an independent not-for-profit registered in the U.S., with central business and editorial operations located in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.

Key Responsibilities

• Detailed reporting and strategic analysis of all audience data, including online, email, and print readership, promotion performance, subscription renewal analysis, and other reports as required.
• Manage and optimize SEO/SEM, reporting weekly on content trends and opportunities
• Optimize website to email conversions, including landing page, floater, pop-up, and incentive testing
• Plan and execute subscription acquisition campaigns and promotions across print, email, and web channels to meet circulation goals
• Work collaboratively to develop new marketing strategies for digital, bundled, and premium subscriptions
• Oversee email list usage across departments

Specific qualifications and skills:

• Bachelor’s Degree or equivalent, preferably in media and communications or marketing
• 3-5 years of consumer marketing experience
• Proficiency using WordPress, search engine tools and related software and plugins
• Strong analytical and creative thinking skills
• Ability to organize, manage multiple tasks, and prioritize
• Preference for work in a team-driven environment

Salary will be commensurate with experience. We offer an excellent, accommodating work environment, full employer-paid benefits immediately upon hiring.

Preference will be given to qualified candidates eligible to work in Canada, but candidates able to work remotely from the U.S. are also encouraged to apply.

Deadline for applications: September 28

To apply please send covering letter and resume to Cindy Littlefair at cindy@mindful.org

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Meditation Instructions – RAIN and Question-Response (14:23 min) - Tara Brach

Meditation Instructions on Retreat – Using RAIN and Question-Response ~

Tara gives morning instruction on retreat including RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nourish), then responds to questions from retreatants. Includes a question on resourcing when working with trauma. Recorded at the 2016 IMCW Women’s Retreat.

photo: Jon McRay

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The Upside of Envy

As long as we are the apple of everyone’s eye and have all our needs and desires satisfied, as long as there is nothing at all that we want that we don’t have or can’t have now, life is a wonderful dream. But the instant that we want what YOU have, the seeds of envy are planted.

For instance, your body. It’s really, really nice. I bet it would look great on me. The more I think about it, seeing you in that body makes me feel fat (how dare you, by the way?), and I can’t help secretly hoping that under that shirt are some major arm waddles. But, be well.

Envy, the passionate longing for something that someone else possesses—an attribute, a quality, or even a thing—is rooted in a sense of inferiority. The Canadian philosopher Jean Vanier concluded that envy comes from people’s ignorance, or lack of belief in, their own gifts.

And despite how it seems, envy’s gaze rests less on the thing desired and more on the distress I feel that you have it and I don’t. Or as Aristotle wrote, “Envy is pain at the good fortune of others.”

Sometimes envy is fairly benign. We may wish that we had the technological savvy of a 10-year-old computer whiz, but we probably do not begrudge our nephew for his superior bits and bytes or his nimble fingers.

Some envy may be more corrosive. The Queen envied Snow White her beauty and this led to attempted murder, mayhem, and ultimately the Queen’s demise. Richard Nixon’s envy of power caused him to set Watergate in motion, which led to his resignation. And so on.

One of the more beguiling things about envy is that it is difficult to notice. Part of this is the nature of denial: We don’t like feeling or having less than. It makes us uncomfortable. And unlike jealousy, which is a heated reaction to a (real or perceived) threat to something you believe is rightfully yours (It was mine, and now YOU have the Precious, and this enrages me), envy doesn’t incite anger quite so obviously. Simmering resentment, maybe. But crimes of passion? Not so much.

Still, letting envy go unobserved can cause it to run rampant in ways that make experiencing happiness difficult. Listening to envy’s shadowy whispers can make us feel squashed, bitter, living our lives imprisoned by our own beliefs that we are somehow less than others because we don’t possess what they possess. Wanting what we don’t have but what we think others do is a sure-fire way to misery. And if envy focuses on what is unattainable, such as youth, owning the crown jewels, or having different DNA than what you were born with, then there is no way for the envier to win, which can leave us feeling even smaller.

The Roots of Envy

Like so many of our primal urges, there was a time when envy served a purpose in helping to keep us alive. Way back when, if we missed out on something everyone else in the tribe had or knew, we might find ourselves waking up in the cave alone, and looking delicious. Deeply embedded into our grey matter are brain networks, habits, and schemes that prevent us from becoming toothpicks for lunching lions.

Envy is no longer specifically geared toward our survival but when we imagine ourselves getting the short end of the stick, survival instincts can still kick in.

Modern ideas like FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out, bathe in the waters of envy. Not receiving an invitation to meet the visiting company bigwigs, for example, could lead you to believe that you’re being passed over for a promotion. Missing out on your friends’ party can heighten your anxiety that others are having more fun than you.

But one of the challenges with envious thoughts is that they aren’t always rational. I have a friend who casually remarked feeling envious of a couple in her building who traveled whenever they wanted. “But you hate traveling!” I said. “So you envy what you don’t really want?” How intriguing. It made me wonder what my friend was really longing for: An idea of freedom or of seeing new things? (Though she never seems happier than when she’s home.)

Sometimes, we long for an elusive thing that may not even exist. It’s like Cary Grant once said: “Everybody wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.”

No matter the extent or object of our envy, a particularly ornery thing about it is that even when you get the toys, the promotion, or the well-toned physique, you can still feel envious. There are no limits to wanting what we don’t have, especially if we believe that it will make us happier.

If we could notice the ways we begrudge others’ success, we might then be able to pause and ask ourselves: Is this really who I want to be?

Even worse, the brain’s habit of trying to rid itself of the discomforts of envy through rumination about how unfair it all is and how resentful we are, only etches the negative thoughts even more deeply into our psyche.

In fact, when we leave envy unattended, it nurtures our sense of inferiority. You may not like that your neighbor can afford to send their kid to private school, but does spreading rumors about them really give you a better opinion of yourself? More telling: Our brain actually registers envy as pain. In one study, participants were asked to think about envy-inducing situations, such as meeting a school peer a year after graduation, with the awareness that this person had now surpassed them in job quality, income, freedom, and attractiveness. Ouch. The participants’ fMRIs showed the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex lighting up a pain response that the researchers called “the distress of social exclusion.”

The study also made the point that the pain of envy is all about “me” versus “you.” And in a way, it makes sense. Humans are social creatures, so a significant amount of our self-worth comes from comparing ourselves to others in our peer group: Are we better off or worse off than “them?”

However, once these envying comparisons start to churn, they are often accompanied by an offshoot known as schadenfreude, the pleasure derived by another’s misfortune. This is the shadow we lurk behind when envy turns our minds to wanting bad things to come your way—sometimes just because you experience happiness.

If we could notice the ways we begrudge others’ success, we might then be able to pause and ask ourselves: Is this really who I want to be?

But, There’s An Upside

In its grossest form, envy can drive us to unhappiness, dissatisfaction, self-loathing, and feeling just plain mean. In a more enlightened viewing, however, envy can be an important key to awareness because it illuminates our deepest longings. Sure, it could be our longing for a hybrid car, our neighbor’s tidy backyard or a winning lottery ticket, but when we look underneath these transient hungers we might notice the roots of our greatest aspirations. Maybe we think an eco-friendly car will make us seem more hip, but if we could recognize that “envy is here,” we might be curious enough to be in touch with a yearning for a new sense of identity, a desire to trade in the old, practical you for an upgrade to something that shows your participation as a proud member of planet Earth—now that’s cool!

Maybe it’s even a case where envy inspires action: not merely our desire to finally clean up the brush pile in the backyard, but letting it help nudge us toward our higher selves.

Is there any reason why we can’t use envy to help us discover and act upon our own path to joy and purpose?

Mindfulness makes the claim that we can use anything to help us see more clearly. Your envy over a colleague’s rise in the company might wake you up to how you’ve been simply gliding in your job, and inspire you to go back and brave school to finally finish your master’s degree, or even to look for another career.

Of course, getting to this awareness requires tolerating the potentially unpleasant experience of feeling envious. But when we look deeper at envy we may see that underneath is the longing for what might be an unfulfilled need. Our tendency might be to think we want what you have, but under our feelings of lack might be the awareness that our envy has drawn us a map to the rich possibilities of the human experience.

The important point is allowing envy to reveal a direction, without being pulled into a cesspool of comparison and mini-mind.

As we familiarize ourselves with our own signs of envy, including our favorite envious thoughts, suddenly we have choice.

Shift Gears

Once envy gets revved up, it’s very compelling. Misery is often seen in the company of self-pity and those two easily roll into a story of how unfair it all is. And guess what? Sometimes you’re right! Life can be unfair. So we have a choice. Wallow in that miasma or we can stop, notice, and choose to investigate old familiar thoughts and feelings.

The good news here is that studies suggest that simply being able to label what is going on in our thoughts, emotions, and body calms that disturbed center of the brain down. In one case, brain imaging showed that when subjects were able to label strong emotions there was a decrease of activity in the fear-generating amygdala.

And if we can notice envy without judgment, we can learn to mindfully observe it without getting caught up in the story. As we familiarize ourselves with our own signs of envy, including our favorite envious thoughts (I wish I looked that good… It’s not fair that I wanted a car like that and you bought one… Everybody at work thinks you’re so special), then suddenly we have choice. When we can notice our habitual responses, we can change the wiring of the brain by consciously focusing our attention, rather than staying in the tuned-out territory of automatic pilot.

The minute we notice that envy is present, and can name it, we have disrupted its strong pull. With this relatively small shift toward awareness, the prefrontal cortex is activated, engaging the higher-level functions of vigilance and discrimination. The mind is like the sky and our envy is just one more cloud passing by.

We can also train ourselves to separate out the thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations that are stirred up when an envious moment arises. By breaking down our experience of envy into its components, it is generally much easier to stay present, open, and curious. We can learn to observe the cascade of habitual responses that usually occur when envy is triggered, like self-pity, anger, resentment, and generally wishing bad things for the object of our envy.

When we can practice being present to all we notice, we can meet those feelings of smallness with a largeness of heart big enough to help quench the fire of limitless desire. We don’t even need to resist envy, just allow ourselves to notice what it’s pointing to as we stay present and let our awareness help us choose the life we want.

Investigation: The First Signs of Envy

All emotions show up in our bodies in ways unique to us. But in order to use mindfulness to halt the downward spiral of envy—and to see what underlying longing it may signal—we need to recognize it.

Here are some common sensations experienced alongside envy. When you feel envious and check in with yourself, what do you notice?

• A buzzing in your ears
• Dryness in your mouth or constriction in your throat
• Clenching in your belly
• A cascade of self-criticism or thoughts like, “I wish I had their luck.”
• A sensation of sinking, holding, rising, or falling
• Tightening of your jaw, tension or pulsing around your eyes
• Increased heart rate
• A sudden hyper-awareness of your perceived flaws (feeling your “fat” thighs, for example)
• Feeling of heat rising through your body or an all-over prickliness

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An Antidote to Envy

What happens when the object of our desire moves from fantasy to reality?

Envy springs from believing there is something we want that someone else has. What happens when we ask ourselves whether it’s really what we want? Try this:

1. Imagine that you’re able to purchase the mansion of your dreams.
2. Now imagine owning that mansion 20 years from now. Be as detailed as possible: Who will clean it? Will you be paying the taxes and upkeep? How will it feel to be in that big house alone at night?
3. What do you notice about your envious feelings now? Are they still as strong?

Often when we take our envy to court, it can help us see whether pursuing this path will truly make us happy or not.

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A Practice to Quiet Envy

Instead of seething inside, and hating yourself for it, try a little compassion.

Another possible antidote for debilitating envy might be found in wishing for the happiness of those you envy.

1. Close your eyes, take a few anchoring breaths, and let yourself see and feel strong awareness of the object of your envious thoughts. If you are willing, silently say to yourself, “May the object of my envy be happy; (pause) may the object of my envy be healthy; (pause) may the object of my envy be peaceful.”
2. Say these phrases several times, or use your own words. Take time to pause between each wish for the other’s well-being. What do you notice?

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Practice: Unhook from Envy with Awareness

By recognizing their earliest signals, we gain control  over our envious thoughts. 

When we investigate envious thoughts and emotions, and notice how the body responds to our feeling lesser, we can recognize the signs of envy before they start to take root in the brain.

The next time envy begins gathering strength, try this check-in:

Tune in to the present moment by bringing awareness to sitting, standing, or lying down.

Inhale and take a moment to notice where you feel that in-breath most vividly, such as in your belly, chest, rib cage, nose, throat, or mouth.

Bring to mind a situation of someone having something you want—a nice car, a nice house, a nice job. Maybe they’re talented or attractive, good with people or young—anything you do not feel you already possess, but want. (Choose a small basket of envy, rather than a bushel—just enough to help you notice what happens inside when envy takes hold.)

Picture this situation in as much detail as possible: the image of what you envy, who you’re with, where you are, what you’re doing when envy arises. The more detail the better. Keep breathing and stay with your story of envy, as best you’re able.

What thoughts do you notice running through your envious brain? What other emotions accompany envy on its destructive journey? Do the physical sensations change or move?

Since envy triggers pain responses in the brain, you may notice how quickly your attention wanders from the task of being present to your envious feelings. To the best of your ability, see if you can notice when your attention runs screaming, and gently bring it back to investigating the sensations evoked by envy.

The sooner we can gently learn to notice what happens when our thoughts run to envy, the sooner we can come out of autopilot and recognize that we are in a familiar habit of mind. The minute we recognize that envy is here, we can choose to come back to our breath, notice the sensations coursing through our bodies and return to the present moment.

 

This article originally appeared in the August 2016 issue of Mindful magazine.

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How to Settle the Mind

Sometimes, you get lucky in life, when the most important thing you need to do turns out to also be the simplest. One example is breathing. Breathing is the most important thing we need to do in our lives, and for most of us, it is also the easiest thing we ever do. If you belong to the population of people who can breathe effortlessly, you are so lucky! The same turns out to be true for meditation, that the simplest skill in meditation is also the most important. What is it? The simplest, most fundamental, most basic, and most important meditative skill of all is the ability to settle the mind.

What does it mean to settle the mind? Pretend you have a snow globe that you are constantly shaking. If I ask you to settle the snow globe, what do you do? You put it on the table, or the floor, or any other stationary surface. One of the literal meanings of the word settle is “to come down onto a surface.” You literally settle the snow globe down, that is all. So easy. Once the snow globe is settled, then over time, the water in it becomes still, the snow flakes fall to the bottom, and the snow globe becomes calm and clear at the same time.

The simplest, most fundamental, most basic, and most important meditative skill of all is the ability to settle the mind.

Settling the mind is similar. To settle the mind simply means resting it so that it approaches some degree of stillness. There are many ways to settle the mind, but I like to suggest three methods that are easy and highly effective.

Three Ways to Settle the Mind

1) The First method is anchoring. This means bringing gentle attention to a chosen object, and if attention wanders away, gently bringing it back. Think of anchoring as a ship dropping anchor in choppy seas. The ship stays close to the anchoring site despite the movement of wind and water. In the same way, when attention is anchored to a chosen object, it stays close to the object despite other mental activity. For the object of meditation, you may choose any object that affords the mind some measure of attentional stability. The standard meditation object (and my personal favorite) is the breath, but you can also choose the body or any sensory experiences such as sights, sounds, touch, or internal body sensations, or even the entire sensory field all at once as a single large object. One person I know found the sensation on the soles of his feet to be his favorite meditation object. That guy is obviously very grounded. And, yeah, I think his idea has legs.

2) If anchoring is too hard for you, here is the second method: resting. Resting means exactly that, to cease work or movement in order to relax, that is all. When I’m physically tired after a hard workout, I sit down on my comfy chair and rest. Similarly, to rest the mind, all I do is sit down and allow my mind to relax. One way to rest the mind is to use an image. Imagine a butterfly resting gently on a flower moving slowly in the breeze. In the same way, the mind rests gently on the breath. Another way is to use this saying, “There is nowhere to go and nothing to do for this one moment, except to rest.” Resting is an instinct—we all know how to do it. The idea here is to turn resting from an instinct to a skill.

As long as you know you are sitting, you are doing it right.

3) If resting is still too hard for you, here is the third method: being. Being means shifting from doing to being. It means not doing anything in particular, just sitting and experiencing the present moment. You can think of it as non-doing, or sitting without agenda, or simply just sitting. The key ingredient of this practice is being in the present moment. As long as your attention is in the present, you are doing it right. Alternatively, and slightly more poetically, you can think of the key ingredient as knowing. As long as you know you are sitting, you are doing it right.

All three practices above, and all practices that settle the mind in general, have two features in common: they all involve some degree of mental stillness and attention to the present moment. Because of that, they all lead to the basic meditative state, which is the state where the mind is alert and relaxed at the same time. When the mind is alert and relaxed, over time, it will calm down the same way the snowflakes in the snow globe settle down, and the mind abides in a state where it is both calm and clear.

Let us give it a try.

Formal Practice: Exploring Ways To Settle The Mind

Let us do a short, five-minute sit. We will spend the first three minutes exploring each of the three methods of settling the mind, for one minute each. We will then spend the last two minutes freestyling, practicing any of the three methods that you most prefer, or any combination of the three.

The Setup:

Sit in any posture that allows you to be alert and relaxed at the same time, whatever that means to you. You may keep your eyes opened or closed.

Anchoring (1 Minute):

For one minute, bring gentle attention to the breath, or the body, or any sensory object that affords the mind some measure of attentional stability. If attention wanders away, gently bring it back.

Resting (1 Minute):

For the next minute, rest the mind. If you like, you may imagine the mind resting on the breath the same way a butter y rests gently on a flower. Or say to yourself, “There is nowhere to go and nothing to do for this one moment, except to rest.”

Being (1 Minute):

For the next minute, shift from doing to being. Sitting without agenda. Just sit and experience the present moment, for the duration of one minute.

Freestyle (2 Minutes):

For the next two minutes, you may practice any one of the three methods above, whichever your favorite is, or you may switch between them at any time.

After doing one or a few rounds of the above exploration, it is useful to decide which method of settling the mind is your favorite. This will be your primary method for settling the mind. Don’t worry about making a “wrong” choice—there is no wrong choice, plus you can change your mind anytime. It is sort of like choosing your favorite flavor of ice cream—there is no wrong choice, and you can change your mind anytime.

I recommend doing the exercise of settling the mind at least once a day, for at least one minute a day. Most teachers I know recommend twenty minutes a day, but you may do it for any duration you want, knowing that no duration is too long. Even seasoned meditators on formal retreats may choose to do this one very basic meditation for ten or more hours a day, so don’t be shy about practicing settling the mind for as long as you want.

“This excerpt has been adapted from Joy On Demand  by Chade-Meng Tan, reprinted with permission from HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers. Copyright 2016. joyondemand.com“

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