Saturday 30 May 2020

Can Mindfulness Help Us Dismantle Inequality?

Mindfulness is often packaged as an individual pursuit: you carve out a space in a comfortable setting or a studio that suits your needs so you can take time to calm down, relax, or focus better for work. The benefits advertised are very me-oriented.

This personal project, essential to mindfulness, overlaps with an inherent tendency in society to stack or silo individual and community, says Rhonda Magee, mindfulness teacher and law professor at the University of San Francisco, in an episode of the Point of View podcast with Mindful’s Editor-in-Chief Barry Boyce. In other words, we see an opportunity for mindfulness to make us better team leaders, community members, and activists, but we don’t see where the personal and social agenda can align—indeed, would they cancel each other out altogether?

“The problem is that in our society it’s sort of either or, it’s either about the personal or it’s about the social. And yet, if we can open to our own experience we know we’re always already both individuals and a world,” she explained.

Magee’s research focuses on issues of social justice and inclusivity. In a world that faces increasingly complex problems, Magee argues that mindfulness provides an opportunity to understand issues through multiple points of view.

The following excerpt explores the difficulty of achieving both personal and social growth, and the role mindfulness plays in balancing the two:

Rhonda Magee on Mindfulness and Inequality

  • 9:28

Rhonda Magee: We largely continued to live in very segregated communities and cultures and systems. And that’s a fact that is one that we struggle to keep coming back to. You know, we know that part of the way we’ve been taught to look at these issues is that we were segregated officially, and now we’re not. And now if communities are racially identifiable or culturally distinct, it’s all a matter of choice. It’s all, you know, a matter of the market. It’s not, about patterns or conditioned habits and also structures, the way we do schooling, public and private, the way we continue to structure our religious communities. We tend not to really see how we are very, very, very deeply still embedded in and committed to, actually, we have a taste for, it seems like, segregation.

Barry Boyce: We reinvest in boundaries that we think we’ve gone beyond, mentally, in our media, we reinvest in those boundaries.

Rhonda Magee: We really do.

Barry Boyce: …that you are more different from me than is really the case.

Rhonda Magee: Yes, and we reinvest meaning, we send our kids to schools that are still very isolated. We move around the country. I live in San Francisco. I hear people find various and sundry different ways to explain why they leave a very diverse region. And often my white friends, for example, find themselves in much more white spaces after the “stresses of the city.” And, you know, sometimes this racial piece of it is mentioned, often not widely, but maybe in these quiet conversations. I had a young woman come and talk to me about a friend of hers; it’s often, you know, speaking about a friend, not myself. This young woman was an immigrant from Eastern Europe and she had another friend, an immigrant from Eastern Europe, who came to San Francisco and said she wanted to move away because she wanted to be around more Americans, and by that, she actually meant more whites.

There still is a way that part of the legacy of white supremacy in America is that we define what it means to be American, still and in the eyes of many both domestically and internationally, as white. And that is what we are still up against, is what we have been seeing emerge in the political culture and the discourse around making America great again. So there’s a deeply embedded desire, or kind of a way in which we keep moving into segregation and reinforcing it, reinvesting in it, as you say. We’re all in that world. So, even mindfulness organizations are built up in networks that are already very segregated. All of our networks for reaching out, finding potential teachers, finding people to come to our organizations, our events, they’re already very segregated. And so, we are up against that challenge of, again, living in a society that’s already structured to push us apart. And those dynamics are coming from so many different institutions that it’s actually very hard for any institution to start reaching out to adults, adult learners or adult practitioners, and saying let’s come together from these very different places of relative segregation and isolation.

And so a concrete way to address that is, I mean, there are short-term steps, but I actually think a longer-term cultural change is what has to happen. This effort must outlive our own lifetimes. It will. Another problem we deal with in the West is very short-term focus. If we can’t imagine our efforts realizing some gain tomorrow, or at the outside six months from now, we’re not sure it’s worth our time. We are not going to change these patterns in this country that took hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years to embed without a commitment to changing them that is at least as farsighted.

There still is a way that part of the legacy of white supremacy in America is that we define what it means to be American, still and in the eyes of many both domestically and internationally, as white.

Barry Boyce: Are you suggesting that if you have too much of a hunger for immediate results, you won’t really commit? That you really have to take on that notion that we’re planting seeds in a garden that we will not see flower? I haven’t really thought of it that way: If silently in your mind you think you want to see a short-term gain, you just give up…

Rhonda Magee: It’s very easy to get frustrated.

Barry Boyce: You think… this neighborhood isn’t going to change.

Rhonda Magee: Yes, the community isn’t going to change, this meditation group isn’t going to change.

Barry Boyce: Yeah. So yeah that’s very helpful. Keep going.

Rhonda Magee: So, we need both a very long-term commitment and a lot of patience, both of which, I think, are gifts from me of my own mindfulness practice. And not that I’ve gotten there, right, I’m a work in progress just like everybody else. But to be able to sit with the frustration that comes with, oh, here we are again trying to address this same issue of the denial of white supremacy in our history with people who, once again, don’t want to talk about. It’s frustrating.

Barry Boyce: How does patience square with the possibility of falling into apathy or not being willing to call somebody on something?

Rhonda Magee: So it’s “both and” again. You know, realizing there’s time for, and a place in our own being in the world, for patience. And there are times for, and a place for, being in action. And it’s again, it’s not either or. It really is both. So there are ways we can call people into conversations about white supremacy with compassion for the fact that we all are in this together. We’ve all been trained away from this conversation. So, it’s going to be hard. It’s going to have to go by fits and starts and be interrupted, maybe even for years in a single organization because we’re not ready for it yet. To really deal with these issues is high pay-grade level mindfulness work. It isn’t for people who have not really come to see the depth of what it means to see clearly, what it means to work with our own conditionings, to sit in the fire of the painful recognition that, oh my mind actually does orient me to people who look like me. Oh, I do feel safer. Honestly, I wish I didn’t, but in fact I do feel safer when I’m in these places. Mindfulness can help us with a lot of the really subtle difficulties of doing the work that must be done to dismantle these patterns and habits that draw us to reinvest in segregation. Mindfulness compassion practices, these actually can help.

Mindfulness can help us with a lot of the really subtle difficulties of doing the work that must be done to dismantle these patterns and habits that draw us to reinvest in segregation.

So, it’s actually, it’s both that kind of patience that comes with a mindful holding of a multi-generational looking back and forward at the same time type of project. Because we are both, looking at our particular history, how we got here and trying to imagine a future for our children and our children’s children that will be much different. And then trying to work towards that future, in part by trying to redeem our past, looking at the role our particular communities, our particular families, our cultures have had in setting us on this journey that we’re on that keeps pushing us in corners and polarizing us. What’s been the role of our family, our culture, my neighborhood, my own conditioning in those tendencies? How can I address those and at the same time realize that we’re not going to address them overnight? We can’t. It will not happen overnight. We didn’t get here overnight. But we can take steps, we can take steps.

This conversation is adapted from Episode Seven of the Point of View podcast with Barry Boyce.  

This article was originally published on Mindful.org on January 19, 2019.

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Relationships

How Good People Can Fight Bias 

In her new book, Dolly Chugh provides us with tips for recognizing bias and reducing its effects in ourselves and our workplaces. Read More 

  • Jill Suttie
  • December 10, 2018
Well-Being

Healing Racial Fault Lines 

How the simple act of sharing personal stories can help uncover divisive thoughts buried deep within ourselves. Read More 

  • Barry Yeoman
  • August 11, 2016

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Friday 29 May 2020

Remembering Goodness: Three Gestures of Love


This talk explores the power of forgiveness, love and gratitude in re-connecting to our light and awareness, and being able to see the sacredness that shines through everyone. Within times of crisis practicing these gestures of love can truly feel like a pathway home. The talk gives a simple yet powerful way of arousing loving presence and dissolving the narrow identification that keeps us from inhabiting our awakened heartmind. Tara offers this favorite from the archives with an updated introductory message.

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How to Bring More Peace and Presence to Family Life

Many families are spending more time together than ever, under extraordinary circumstances. In this video, psychologists and mindfulness teachers Elisha Goldstein and Stefanie Goldstein talk about the mindfulness techniques and skills they’re employing with each other and their three sons to make their family time richer, deeper, and more peaceful.

7 Things Mindful Families Do Differently

1. Embrace Imperfection

Even in the best of times, none of us are perfect parents: We get triggered, overreact, and say and do things that we wished we hadn’t. During this strange time in the world, parenting probably feels different, and harder than ever before. 

Let’s be clear—you are going to make mistakes, you are going to hurt your children’s feelings, and you are not going to be able to show up in all the ways you want to or the ways your children want you to, but NONE of that makes you a bad parent—it only makes you a human one.

When we beat ourselves up over our mistakes and imperfections we create more pain, fear, and disconnection. 

Maybe your kids are watching more TV than usual, or not eating as healthy as they used to. Rather than being hard on yourself, embrace this imperfection. Remind yourself: there is no book written on how to parent during a pandemic.

When you can move into a place of acceptance, you are able to shift into a greater ease and grace within yourself. When we beat ourselves up over our mistakes and imperfections we create more pain, fear, and disconnection. 

2. Listen with Curiosity

How many times have you been reading an email or checking your phone while your child or partner speaks to you, nodding your head along to what they’re saying—only to suddenly realize you haven’t listened to a single word of their conversation? 

We are often distracted, and with many of us working—or, in our children’s case, attending school—from home, it can be even more difficult to practice active listening.

By listening with curiosity, we decrease the chances of misunderstanding and increase the opportunity for greater connection and growth as a family. 

3. Communicate Courageously

Let’s be honest, being vulnerable is hard and at times even scary, which is why we sometimes find ourselves avoiding tough conversations with each other. Now that we’re at home more often, the chances of getting into an argument with a partner or family member are even higher than before. 

Part of communicating means reflecting on your own inner thoughts and feelings. For example, if you feel upset with your partner, ask yourself—what do you need from them going forward? 

While in the moment it might feel easier to sidestep talking about something painful or uncomfortable, what is left unspoken and unresolved can turn into a slow poison. The truth is, being clear and honest with each other about what you need and how you feel is ultimately an act of kindness that lays the foundation for better things to come in the future. 

4. Practice Appreciation and Gratitude 

It may feel impossible, given the current climate, to concentrate on anything other than the bad things around us. However, finding small things to feel gratitude and appreciation for—sunshine, warm meals, flowers in the garden—can boost your mood.

There are so many opportunities for appreciation with one another, like acknowledging our kids or our partner for emptying the dishwasher or being ready on time.

Making appreciation and gratitude part of your regular routine can help your entire household become more optimistic and relaxed during this trying time. 

5. Forgive Ourselves and Each Other

Every family has its hard moments. There are times when we don’t feel listened to, appreciated, or seen and there are other times when people are cranky or “hangry” and say things they don’t mean or wish they could take back. 

As Lily Tomlin once said, “forgiveness means letting go of any hope for a better past.” 

The following three steps can help you forgive yourself and others: 

Forgive—If we have transgressed, we can set the intention to “forgive” ourselves for this wrongdoing, understanding that we can’t change the past, remembering that we aren’t perfect, and realizing that we often make mistakes out of ignorance, confusion, or upset feelings.

Investigate—Practice self-reflection and communication to investigate and discover how you would respond differently next time. 

Invite—Invite yourself to begin again, drawing on the lessons learned from this process. 

6. Practice Support and Generosity

You may not be in a position to give financially, and physical distancing makes it more difficult to volunteer at a local food bank or fundraiser. But there are still ways to practice support and generosity in your community.

Maybe this looks like reaching out to a friend who is living alone, and asking how they’re doing. Or offering to go grocery shopping for someone you know who is immuno-compromised. Or putting a sign up in your window supporting and thanking essential workers. 

There are so many different ways to express generosity and compassion. These small or large acts are the essential healing agent within the family system, our culture, and the world. Ultimately, connection is the cornerstone of well-being and it starts in the family.

7. Have Fun and Play

This is a serious time, but if we don’t take a break from news updates, Twitter feeds, and work emails, we risk burning out. Give yourself moments throughout the week to be present and playful.

Game nights, walks around the block, baking together, or watching funny YouTube videos can bring moments of light and joy into your day and connect your family. 

Adapted from 7 Things Mindful Families Do Differently published on Mindful.org.

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Daily Practices

7 Ways to Ease Your Anxious Mind 

Elisha Goldstein, psychologist and founder of the Mindful Living Collective, offers seven daily practices to help us feel calm and stay grounded in uncertain times. Read More 

  • Elisha Goldstein
  • May 8, 2020
Well-Being

5 Ways to Reimagine Life in Quarantine 

How we respond during COVID-19—either sliding into a rut, or dreaming bigger—defines whether we’ll be able to thrive collectively on the other side of the crisis. Read More 

  • Jay Vidyarthi
  • May 23, 2020

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Thursday 28 May 2020

Meditation: Spacious, Loving Awareness (from retreat) (30:03 min.) ~ with video


~ an Open Awareness Meditation ~

When our awareness is awake and open, we naturally respond to this changing life with warmth, tenderness and love.

This practice helps us discover the spaciousness of awareness by realizing the space and aliveness that is in the body, and then sensing the continuous space that holds all life. We then sense how this continuous space is filled with the light of awareness and pervaded by love. Includes a short talk that contexts the meditation. (from the Spring 2018 IMCW 7-day Silent Retreat)

Closing quote is from The Radiance Sutras, Lorin Roche, PhD.

There is a place in the heart where everything meets.
Go there if you want to find me.
Mind, senses, soul, eternity, all are there.
Are you there?

Enter the bowl of vastness that is the heart.
Give yourself to it with total abandon.

Quiet ecstasy is there –

and a steady, regal sense of resting in a perfect spot.

Once you know the way
the nature of attention will call you
to return, again and again,
and be saturated with knowing,
“I belong here, I am at home here.”

More Open Awareness Meditations here.

Photo credits: Donna Russo

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5 Lessons to Remember When Lockdown is Lifted

A lot of people I know have been starting to wonder about life after the shelter-in-place orders have been lifted. What will it be like? What will the new normal be?

The answers to those questions will depend a lot on where you live, what your experience has been like, and what you make of it all.

Living in a city that imposed shelter-in-place orders 10 weeks ago, as of this writing, my own life has been a mixed bag. I shifted to working at home pretty easily, but it’s been hard finding a routine and avoiding distractions. I’m connected with friends online, but I miss their physical presence. Plus, my sleep and mood have suffered as anxiety looms over the future of our society.

I don’t want to negate these feelings or ignore our losses. But, as a writer for Greater Good, I can’t help but see some positives coming from this crisis, too. Reflecting on this moment has been a learning opportunity for me and for all of us—a chance to focus more on what matters and to think about living life differently going forward.

Here are some lessons I want to hold on to once sheltering in place is lifted.

1. Being with others is key to happiness

Many of us have been relying on social media and Zoom meetings to stay in touch with people during the pandemic. But, while I’m grateful that I can keep up with friends on Facebook or visit with folks via videoconferencing, these aren’t really the same as seeing people in-person.

Why? For one thing, social media doesn’t always bring us closer together. People often heavily curate what they post online to make their lives appear carefree and wonderful, which leaves little room for sharing vulnerability—an important way to connect with others. And, of course, there’s also a lot of alarmist news and clickbait on social media that can wreak havoc with your happiness. If you’re looking for deeper connection there, you’re bound to be disappointed.

Zoom conferencing is an improvement, as you can see people face to face and have actual conversations. But it’s tough to read body language on Zoom, and so it’s harder to pick up on how people are feeling. Also, the science of touch shows us that we humans crave physical contact, which neither Zoom conferencing nor social media can provide. This loss is especially profound for those living alone, where the lack of any physical affection has been particularly hard.

Making more time in my life to be with the people I love and to express affection when we are together is something to bring forward from this experience.

So, while I may continue to use available online tools to stay connected with faraway intimates, I’ve also gained a newfound appreciation for in-person get-togethers. Making more time in my life to be with the people I love and to express affection when we are together is something to bring forward from this experience.

In the near-term, as restrictions lift, I hope to have more physically distant backyard visits with friends and family. While we cannot hug, we can at least look each other in the eye. When the crisis has passed, I plan to prioritize spending more time gathering in groups of diverse people for concerts, sporting events, ceremonies, dancing, and more. The emotional high and sense of connection we get from being in the physical presence of others sharing an experience together is inspiring and sacred. Not only will I appreciate that presence so much more after shelter in place is over, doing so will deepen my sense of common humanity—something that when scaled up can build a kinder, more connected society.

2. Reducing stress is good for everyone

There have been a lot of things to stress out about during this pandemic, for sure. The risk of losing our jobs, becoming sick, or inadvertently infecting a beloved relative is frightening. Having to quarantine at home has kept us from employing our usual ways of coping with stress—like going out with friends or exercising at the gym. And being fed a constant diet of dire and alarmist news has amplified our anxiety and sense of helplessness, making us lose sleep.

Being in a constant state of high alert is not good for our minds or bodies—or for those around us, either. Emotional contagion is real, which means feeding our own stress and fear affects others, too. That’s become even clearer as so many of us find ourselves in closer quarters with family members or roommates whose moods feed off of each other.

However, one silver lining of staying at home is that it’s forced many of us to slow down some and find new ways to manage stress and anxiety. Perhaps you’ve finally learned to meditate—something you’d heard was good for you but never really attempted. Or maybe you’ve pulled out a notebook and journaled about your experience or taken a happiness course online. Some have turned to drawing, planting a garden, or playing a musical instrument. All of these have the potential to improve your mental health and could be worth holding on to once you are set free again.

Then there’s the one stress-buster that beats them all: Being kind to others and helping those in need. Ask anyone who’s volunteered at a local food bank, brought a meal to a stuck-at-home neighbor, reached out to a lonely friend, tutored students online, or organized their neighborhood relief group, and they’ll tell you: Focusing your attention on others reduces your own worry and stress—a lesson easily carried forward into the new era. Not only will helping others keep us sane, it will also aid in the recovery of everyone impacted by the pandemic.

3. Showing gratitude matters

It’s pretty obvious that we should be grateful to the “essential workers” during this time of shelter in place. Food suppliers, health care workers, delivery people, and first responders have taken on risks to themselves for the benefit of everyone else.

How can we possibly repay them? By showing a little gratitude and paying the kindness forward.

Before the pandemic, most of us probably didn’t think twice about the workers doing these jobs. Now that they are on everyone’s radar, it’s been heartwarming to see grateful citizens showing their appreciation openly by making signs, clapping or howling out their windows at night, dropping off free meals, and over-tipping service workers. Even just saying “thank you” can go a long way toward building good will.

Food suppliers, health care workers, delivery people, and first responders have taken on risks to themselves for the benefit of everyone else. How can we possibly repay them? By showing a little gratitude and paying the kindness forward.

Gratitude isn’t something we should just show to these current heroes in our midst, though.

We can show more gratitude for all of the people and things that make our life easier and happier. Showing gratitude not only feels good, it encourages more kindness and generosity in both gratitude recipients and anyone who witnesses the expression of gratitude, creating a virtuous cycle. And, since sincere gratitude is a premier social glue in both personal relationships and society at large, offering it helps build a kinder, more compassionate society—something we should all keep in mind.

4. We need less stuff than we think

Before the current shelter in place took hold, I never would have guessed how easy it is to do without so many modern conveniences. Now that shopping at the mall, getting my hair done, or popping into the grocery store for a single ingredient has become impossible, I’ve realized that I’m surviving just fine.

It’s pretty clear that we don’t need so much stuff or as many conveniences as we’ve become accustomed to. The basic essentials—food, clean water, and good health, for example—are much more important than having a manicure or buying the newest computer. Given how many of these consumer items and activities negatively impact the health of the planet, it makes sense to rethink our priorities and consider skipping some to allow everyone to have the basics for survival.

Luckily, our well-being isn’t dependent on consumer products. Studies have found that kindness and generosity make us happier than pampering ourselves or buying ourselves stuff. It may be hard to believe; in fact, researchers often find that people underestimate the impacts of giving to others on their happiness.

But it’s true: We will likely be happier and create a healthier society if we can consume less and give more.

5. We are stronger when we act together

As communities around the world manage the pandemic, one thing we’ve all learned is that cooperation matters. Only through group effort can we do something to make a difference in the trajectory of a worldwide threat.

This became crystal clear when comparing state and national responses to the viral outbreak. Some governments were laissez-faire in their response—or even actively punished people who sounded the alarm. Others heeded early warnings and quickly put into place orders to keep people at home. The latter approach, where science was heeded and everyone pitched in to shelter in place, is what paid off in flattening infection curves and saving lives.

Of course, suffering through this time has shown us that there is still much that needs correcting. Not everyone has good health or health care, and many people are living at the edge of poverty. Some people have been forced to go to work despite the risks, and others are dying at higher rates than the general population because of a long history of discrimination. This is unacceptable and needs changing. If the pandemic has opened new eyes to these inequalities, then perhaps they’ll be more likely to become part of that change.

Working together for the common good has helped us fight the pandemic and could bode well for solving other worldwide problems requiring cooperation—like poverty, ethnic violence, and climate-based disaster.

Seeing how willing people were to cooperate with draconian measures for the good of all gives me hope. It’s not easy to herd that many people in one direction, especially when they have to sacrifice some of their personal freedoms to do it. But working together for the common good has helped us fight the pandemic and could bode well for solving other worldwide problems requiring cooperation—like poverty, ethnic violence, and climate-based disaster.

That’s why I hope we will hold on to that lesson after we leave our homes. There is power in keeping in mind our common humanity and our sense of interconnection. If we also remember the importance of our relationships, resilience, gratitude, and doing with less, we can move forward into our un-sheltered lives again with a renewed sense of purpose and tackle some of our most difficult problems. It could be that collective, compassionate action will be the key to creating a better future for us all.

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

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Well-Being

5 Ways to Reimagine Life in Quarantine 

How we respond during COVID-19—either sliding into a rut, or dreaming bigger—defines whether we’ll be able to thrive collectively on the other side of the crisis. Read More 

  • Jay Vidyarthi
  • May 23, 2020

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Wednesday 27 May 2020

How Your Brain Creates Your Sense of Self

Some years ago one of my neighbors worked in the film industry doing special effects. He showed me a brief clip for one of his projects, of a whale swimming underwater, and he mentioned that the powerful computers at his company had worked overnight to render that single beautiful scene. It seemed remarkable to me that it had taken many hours for their equipment to create a few seconds of imagery that the brain could produce at any time in the theater of imagination.

The circuitry of this inner theater has been one of the major evolutions of the brain over the past several million years. It’s an extraordinary capability that helped our ancestors survive, and it aids and enriches our lives today. But it has some drawbacks, and it’s important to learn how to use it wisely and not let it use you.

Watching Your Inner Movie

Our powerful brains allow us to mental time travel and have a strong sense of self. We draw on our neural networks for what’s called affective forecasting; affective is a psychological term that means “relating to moods, feelings, and attitudes.” This forecasting involves imagining and evaluating different scenarios, such as considering how it would feel to talk with someone in a certain way or simply wondering, “What would taste good for dinner tonight?”

Pause for a moment and consider how much time you spend in the mental activities that draw on these powerful neural capacities. For most of us, it’s a lot. Experientially, we’re caught up each day in many mini-movies in which there is a kind of “I” observing various situations, people, events…and often a “me” to whom things are happening…with lots of thoughts and feelings about the show.

The more a person’s mind wanders, the more it tends to tilt negatively, toward anxiety, resentment, regret, and self-criticism.

This ability, evolutionarily speaking, helped our human and hominid ancestors to get better at learning from the past and planning for the future. But sometimes we just need a break to daydream, which can reveal creative connections and hopeful possibilities. These capabilities have brought many benefits. Still, they’ve come with a price.

These same forecasting systems in our brains can support depressive, self-referential thinking: “I keep messing up. Why am I so stupid/ugly/unlovable?” Our minds can roam all over the place—with both helpful and detrimental results. Studies of people randomly pinged on their cell phone during the day indicate that the average person has a wandering mind about half the time. The more a person’s mind wanders, the more it tends to tilt negatively, toward anxiety, resentment, regret, and self-criticism.

And when we are under pressure and feel threatened—such as during this time of the coronavirus pandemic—it’s natural to get caught up in repetitive loops of rumination: worrying about what might happen, wondering when things will return to normal, getting exasperated with politicians on TV or roommates across a dinner table, and so on.

Coming Home to the Present

But when you shift into another kind of experiencing—simply present in the moment as it is, not judging and evaluating, and with less sense of self—then our forecasting brain can quiet down.

When your mind is wandering about or focused on solving problems, your attention keeps shifting from one thing to another. For example, suppose you see a cookie. The image of the cookie is now a “part” of your consciousness. Next, there is the wish to have the cookie—“Me want cookie!”—which is now a second part of consciousness. Then there is the thought “Oh no, cookies have gluten and calories, not for me”—and a third part is now in the mind. But then another part speaks up: “You’ve worked hard, you deserve that cookie, it’s okay…” Parts interacting with other parts, often in conflict with one another. This is the structure of most of our suffering: parts of the mind struggling with other parts.

Think of something that has bothered you recently—perhaps staying in quarantine, and being bored and anxious, or irritated with other people. Whatever it is for you, consider some of the parts of this experience, and how they push and pull against each other. On the other hand, as a sense of wholeness increases, this inner division and conflict decreases, and suffering decreases as well.

Accepting yourself will help you feel whole, and feeling whole will help you accept yourself.

In this common way of experiencing oneself—parts and more parts—it’s all too easy to push away parts that feel vulnerable, embarrassing, “bad,” or painful. It’s as if the mind is a big house with many rooms, and some of them are locked up for fear of what’s inside. As understandable as this is, it leads to problems. We make ourselves numb to keep the doors bolted shut. But the more repression, the less vitality and passion. The more parts we exile, the less we know ourselves. The more we hide, the more we fear being found out.

Personally, by the time I got to college, it seemed like most of the rooms of my own mind were boarded up. Over the years I’ve had to work on accepting myself—all of myself, every bit, the scared parts, the angry parts, the insecure parts. Through practicing what Tara Brach calls radical acceptance—including accepting yourself—you can reclaim every room in your mind while still acting appropriately. In fact, it is by opening up these rooms that you can best manage whatever they contain. It’s like drawing on two traditional healing tools of a physician: light and air. Accepting yourself will help you feel whole, and feeling whole will help you accept yourself.

Practice: Accepting Yourself

Acceptance means recognizing that something exists as a fact whether you like it or not, with a feeling of softening and surrendering to this reality. For example, this time of uncertainty and loss is all that it is, with its stresses and pains, and meanwhile you can still offer yourself the gift of warm, unconditional acceptance for all that you are experiencing.

  1. Pick something pleasant, such as a cup you like, and explore the sense of accepting it.
  2. Do the same with something that is neutral for you, such as a patch of beige carpet, and accept it.
  3. Then pick something mildly unpleasant—perhaps an annoying noise—and help yourself accept it.
  4. Know what acceptance feels like. Your body could relax and breathing could ease. There could be thoughts such as “It’s just the way it is…I don’t like it, but I can accept it.” There could be perspective about the big picture and the many causes of whatever you’re accepting. It might help to imagine friends or others who are with you and supporting you as you face what you’re accepting. Be aware of the difference between a feeling of acceptance, which usually has a calming, a peacefulness…and a feeling of helplessness or defeat, which often comes with a sense of frustration, hopelessness, weariness, and depressed mood.
  5. Pick a positive characteristic about yourself, such as a skill, good intention, or warm feeling. Explore what it’s like to accept this about yourself.
  6. Next, pick a neutral characteristic such as the fact that you are breathing, and accept it.
  7. Then pick something you think is mildly negative about yourself and explore accepting it. Try this with several positive, neutral, and negative things about yourself. Gradually raise the challenge level and build the “muscle” of self- acceptance.
  8. For a few minutes, let things bubble up into awareness, and explore what it feels like to accept them, such as: “Ah, an ache in my lower back, I accept this…loving feelings for a friend, accepting these…resentful feelings about someone mistreating me, accepting them…the sense of a young child inside, accepting that, hello, little one…some scary things down in the basement, wishing they weren’t there but accepting them, too…” Let go of denying or hiding this part of yourself, while also knowing that you can take responsibility for it and act wisely. You might imagine that compassion, kindness, and understanding are touching these parts of you.
  9. Then, if you like, pick something inside that you are embarrassed or remorseful about, and explore accepting it. Start with something small, establish warmheartedness and self-compassion, and remember that we all have things that are hard to face.

When you accept yourself, there could be a feeling of releasing and easing. Let the walls inside you soften. It’s all right. Let everything flow as it will. Let go of any tension in your body…be aware of breathing…be aware of the front and back of your body as you breathe…relax as a whole being, being whole.

Adapted from NEURODHARMA copyright © 2020 by Rick Hanson. Used by permission of Harmony Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

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Mental Health

How to Cultivate the Resources for Resilience 

Your basic needs can be matched by the mental resources we all possess, like courage or gratitude. Grow your inner strengths with this four-step HEAL framework to make you more resilient when challenges arise. Read More 

  • Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson
  • May 9, 2018
Science

How Much Self-Knowledge is Too Much? 

Sharon Begley explores the science of self-insight and the research on how much you should know about yourself before it becomes detrimental to your health. Read More 

  • Sharon Begley
  • May 18, 2020

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Meditation: Light RAIN in Difficult Times (9:31 min.)


This meditation guides us in bringing the mindfulness and self-compassion of RAIN to a challenging part of our life, and particularly, to places of self-judgment or feelings of failure.

Guided Meditation: Light RAIN in Difficult Times

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Tuesday 26 May 2020

5 Mindful Books to Read Right Now

1. Mindful Movement in Psychotherapy

How many movies or TV series have you seen depicting psychotherapy? Every time it’s the same scene. The therapist in a comfortable chair, their hands nested beneath their chin, listening intently or speaking wisely. Across from them sits the client on a chair or couch, usually a little more anxious. Salmon, a clinical psychologist teaching in the department of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Louisville, asks us: Is anything missing from this picture?

Paul Salmon • Guilford Press

No movement. Because movement is, he says, traditionally “viewed as outside the realm of ‘talk therapy.’” Salmon—who is also a certified exercise physiologist, registered yoga teacher, personal trainer, and mindfulness teacher—encourages clinicians to consider incorporating “purposeful, mindful movement” in their interventions. He is not talking simply about exercise but about movement infused with awareness of what’s going on in body and mind, which can “provide a way to rekindle appreciation for our ability to move and be physically active.” Moving, he emphasizes, is baked into our DNA, but our lifestyles have greatly reduced it. Physical activity itself can create tangible experience that helps us be more than sedentary bodies with overactive brains, providing “an anchor to moment-to-moment reality.”

Salmon leads off by offering five progressively more engaged ways to bring movement into therapy. He then defines mindful movement and makes a case for it, as well as reviewing how mindful movement is used in existing clinical programs. From there,Salmon offers practical applications, first in a general way, and then for various kinds of conditions, such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, eating disorders, and addiction. There are also 29 audio guided practices that purchasers of the book can use personally or with clients.

2. Strange Situation: A Mother’s Journey into the Science of Attachment

Bethany Saltman • Ballantine

Research has shown that our very earliest relationships affect everything we do later in life—”how we love, work, marry, create, lead, pray, scroll, drink, eat, study, sleep, have sex,” writes Bethany Saltman. As a new parent, troubled by the shadows of her emotionally neglected childhood, Saltman sought to come to grips with what “good” attachment is, how we can heal from the “bad” kind, and her own self. Attachment parenting is now de rigeur, she writes, but is often contradicted by the science of attachment, which she dives into headfirst with this moving memoir. Her journey explores the witnessing of sadness, hurt, and anger, and the universal desire to be seen. Attachment, she discovers, isn’t only about mothering —it’s available to any of us who truly delight in those dear to our hearts.

3. Keep Calm and Log On: Your Handbook for Surviving the Digital Revolution

Gillian “Gus” Andrews, EdD •
The MIT Press

This handbook is crammed with practical information, from understanding bias to figuring out who owns a particular website. Andrews points out that the digital revolution—with its promise of connecting us all, extending access, and generally spreading more fun—often makes us feel more disconnected and proliferates disinformation. Her book is for those of us who feel “bad at” technology, addicted to it, or at a loss for how best to navigate a world dominated by it. She addresses FAQs around privacy, online etiquette, critical thinking, intimate online relationships, and more. Worksheets, practices, advice, and resources for further reading make this guide valuable for anyone who wants to better understand one of the defining revolutions of our time.

4. Well Nourished: Mindful Practices to Heal Your Relationship with Food, Feed Your Whole Self, and End Overeating

Andrea Lieberstein, MPH, RDN •
Fair Winds

This step-wise approach to healing our relationships with food offers worksheets, charts, graphs, prompts, and practices to lead readers through an inventory of how, what, and why we eat and overeat. Lieberstein outlines what she calls our “eight bodies”: physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, social, intellectual, and creative. A lack of nourishment of one or more of those bodies may lead us to overeat, Lieberstein writes. Subsequent chapters focus on each of those bodies—with research-based information about the importance of each to our well-being, along with tools for tapping into awareness, setting intentions, and making changes to better nourish each of our bodies. Well Nourished is a practical, compassionate, customizable approach to an issue that can feel insurmountable—we have to eat to survive, but failing to address our relationship with food and overeating can stunt our ability to thrive and live fully.

5. Longer

Michael Blumlein • Tor

A San Francisco medical doctor who is also an award-winning science fiction and fantasy author, Blumlein passed away in the fall of 2019 after a long illness. Longer is the work he produced during his final year and its principal theme is mortality. He presents a world where it’s possible to “juve,” to add another life span. With current pharmacology, one is able to safely add more “lives” twice (which is still not enough for some). Dream come true, right? Well…maybe. The fact that Blumlein himself was facing his own death while composing the novel gives it power and palpability that is the mark of the best kind of science fiction. Ironically, this is a book brimming with life.

Podcast Reviews

1. Emotional Badass

Managing our Feelings through the Coronavirus Crisis

  • 26:25

As much as the world of podcasts offers entertainment, education, and news, it also provides valuable tools for mental and emotional support, in the very real and human moments when we need reassurance. In this episode of Emotional Badass, psychotherapist Nicki Eisenhauer calls on the life lessons she learned through surviving Hurricane Katrina. With both confidence and compassion, she  voices the quiet inner truths we need to be reminded of right now: That our basic needs of food, shelter, and rest are top priority, even (especially) during a crisis. That having safe boundaries is a strength we can and must practice: “Sometimes saying no when we want to say yes is the most loving thing that we can do.” That financial worry is valid, and yet isn’t bigger than our ability to find a way. And that bearing witness to our storm of emotions creates space for loving-kindness, rather than blowing us over. Dr. Eisenhauer ends with a 10-minute guided meditation that powerfully affirms our own capability, strength, and resilience. Particularly worth remembering is her note that “Fear is not equal to how much you care.”

2. The 180 Podcast

Coronavirus: Keeping Our Children And Ourselves Safe, With Pamela Cantor, M.D.

Pamela Cantor, MD, discusses how to address the fear, stress, and disruption children and teenagers will likely experience during the pandemic. This hour-long episode discusses both physical and emotional safety—e.g., how we can encourage new practices, like more frequent handwashing and strict physical distancing. Helping them shift their behavior, without stressing them out more than necessary, means “patient persistence, enlisting [children and teens] in helping others, and understanding that others are being impacted even more than them.” For their emotional health? Truth and authenticity matter, says Dr. Cantor. Talk to your kids proactively, and answer their questions patiently. Parents should also model habits of well-being, as best they can: “Taking care of yourself, including using reflective practices like meditation, will help you care for others.” This episode is wonderfully well-rounded, grounded, and practical.

Read more from the June issue of Mindful magazine here.

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Voices

Point of View, Episode 16: It’s Funny Because It’s (Sometimes) True 

Founding Editor Barry Boyce and Managing Editor Stephanie Domet talk (via Zoom, while socially distancing during COVID-19) about a recent spoof of mindfulness in the hilarious BBC series Fleabag. Plus, what’s on the Mindful Vulgarian’s mind during these strange and often sad days. Read More 

  • Barry Boyce and Stephanie Domet
  • May 25, 2020
Guided Meditation

The Power of Forgiveness During Shelter in Place 

More time at home may be an opportunity to connect with loved ones—or it could bring up emotional wounds that have yet to be healed. Here are three mindful practices to forgive ourselves and others. Read More 

  • Carley Hauck
  • May 20, 2020

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Monday 25 May 2020

Point of View, Episode 16: It’s Funny Because It’s (Sometimes) True

Point of View, Epiode 16: It’s Funny Because It’s (Sometimes) True

  • 27:56

Episode 16 of the Point of View Podcast: In which we are far apart, but still connected to each other.

Stephanie: Hey there, I’m Stephanie Domet, I’m the managing editor at Mindful Magazine.

Barry: And I’m Barry Boyce. I’m the founding editor of Mindful Magazine and mindful.org. And I write the regular column Point of View.

Stephanie: And this is the Point of View podcast.

Welcome to a special, pandemic edition of Point of View. As we record this—me in my home, and Barry in his—many places around the world are locked down, quarantining, self-isolating, social or physical distancing—whatever you want to call it, we are doing it. Separately. Via Zoom! So today on Point of View, we’re glad to have an opportunity to come together in this way and talk about mindfulness and meditation and a particularly delicious spoofing of the mindfulness world courtesy of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s brilliant BBC show, Fleabag.

Hello, Barry Boyce!

Barry: Hey Steph, hey listeners out there! Hope you’re surviving the pandemic as best as possible.

Stephanie: Nice to have a chance to be together, hey Barry?

Barry: Yes, Once again on Zoom. I’m living on Zoom. It feels like another appendage.

Stephanie: Yes, me too. Everything happens on Zoom now, I’m having a happy hour later, coffee with a friend tomorrow morning—yup. Going to a literary festival, and chatting with you which I’m glad to be doing. 

One of the things this period of self-isolation has afforded me, Barry, is the chance to watch all of Fleabag, in two big gulps. It also afforded me the chance to watch Tiger King, but I feel that that is a whole other conversation.

Barry: That certainly is a whole other conversation!

Stephanie: We’ll maybe leave that one for now. 

But you’ve watched Fleabag and I wanna know what you want to say about Fleabag for those who have not yet gulped it up, as I have.

Barry: Fleabag is a half an hour dramedy. I think it’s about eight episodes per season kind of thing. You can gobble it up quickly or you can take it in doses. It’s part of a kind of show where it’s the theater of the awkward. The characters show an incredible amount of vulnerability which is often extremely hilarious and also very poignant. That’s what I love about it. There’s a couple—well more than a couple actually of really talented women doing some shows like this. There’s Issa Rae that has a wonderful show that’s in the 4th season called Insecure. Her co-star there is a Nigerian-American actress named Yvonne Orji and they explore in a similar way awkwardness, and the quality of friendships. And your relationships with your family and just also some really poignant moments come out and a lot of hilarity, we really get to laugh at ourselves. I don’t know much more I can say. It’s kinda profane, as is Insecure, but the profane is often where our awkwardness and vulnerabilities come out.

Stephanie: Wow, that’s an interesting take. 

You write about this particular episode in the June issue of the magazine, in which Fleabag and her sister attend a silent meditation retreat. I feel like there’s so much to unpack in this little 30 minute episode—First of all, their father gifts them this retreat, clearly hoping that Fleabag will emerge … better, somehow. Or maybe just different. You write “this is the one-and-done approach to mindfulness”—and it’s really made more delicious to me by the fact that Fleabag herself has not chosen it, but rather has had it thrust upon her.

Barry: Yeah I think it’s really interesting the relationship that the sisters have with their dad. He tries to suppress and push down all the weirdness and vulnerabilities and challenges in their lives. Keep a lid on it all, so this is yet another attempt at doing that. Imagine somebody trying to tell you that you’re unbearable by sending you away to a mindfulness retreat. So that in itself is pretty amusing. And the two sisters are very different, and then now they’re locked up together in this silent retreat. As I say in the piece it’s a perfect depiction of the cliché version of Mindfulness.

Stephanie: It’s quite punitive, this retreat. 

Barry: Yeah, well it’s also, the leader of the retreat is really super passive aggressive.

Stephanie: Yes

Barry: Ya know, “now just relax and be yourself,” but there’s no talking, and she has them cleaning the floors and they’re like galley slaves. When the writers picked up bits and pieces from actual retreats. Like on actual retreats, if you go away on a retreat, you may be asked to do some work.

Stephanie: But maybe not scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush kind of work?

Barry: Yeah not usually. Usually not. No.

I have cleaned a few bathrooms. But generally you’re cutting up vegetables, and usually the people who are cleaning the bathrooms are not also cutting up vegetables, they’re pretty attentive to that kind of thing.

Stephanie: Important hygiene note.

Barry: I think of course the main thing is that rather than the people coming to the retreat having an opportunity or some space to get in touch with themselves, they are assaulted by a regimen of ooey gooey calm, and that’s not how mindfulness works. Mindfulness opens up a space—and so often, ‘cause that’s the first place our minds wanna go like the dad, he thinks you just need to calm down, that’s the image of mindfulness and that’s how it’s often carried out. There’s a lot of kinda creepy and crappy versions of mindfulness. Caveat meditator. You have to be careful. Everything that’s called mindfulness isn’t the real deal.

Mindfulness opens up a space—and so often, ‘cause that’s the first place our minds wanna go like the dad [in Fleabag], he thinks you just need to calm down, that’s the image of mindfulness and that’s how it’s often carried out.

Stephanie: Yeah I love this idea of creepy or crappy, and this retreat is really both. Creepy and crappy.

Barry: It’s also good. I love the send up. Ya know it’s really refreshing to have the thing that you’re into and promoting to have it satirized. Because I talk a good game but I’ve also probably done a few of those things ya know, been passive aggressive about trying to calm people down, or been kind of holier than thou about being “more mindful” than other people, and that’s kind of the main thing that the person leading the retreat is, like, she’s “more mindful” than everybody else and you have to kind of live up to that standard. And that’s a really crappy way of teaching. 

Stephanie: But, as you say, it exists. It is a way of teaching. There are creepy and crappy mindfulness programs.

Barry: It definitely exists. Also, there’s the spa-like atmosphere. That’s another approach, you know it takes place in this posh mansion. The spa version of a mindfulness retreat is another feature. Now I know a lot of people who have opened up and operate mediation centres and it’s not exactly like running a spa. 

Stephanie: But of course in any satire, there are some tendrils of truth right? That’s what makes it funny.

Barry: Absolutely yeah! There had been attempts to turn—it happens a lot in the yoga world. You know, you hear all the time about yoga retreats in Aruba or Hawaii, or the top of a mountain in Ecuador. Ya know, you combine this privileged vacation with your inner exploration. When the really authentic mindfulness retreats it’s just a place to go that’s apart from the world. That’s another thing about this, what’s being satirized is collecting experience. Like you’re gonna go away and have an experience. That’s what the dad’s expecting. Like, the daughters are gonna go away and have this amazing peak experience, and are gonna come back as different people. No! That’s not how it works. 

Stephanie: Right, it’s a practice, which indicates that it’s ongoing. 

Barry: Yeah, it’s actually more like going away to violin camp.

Stephanie: Right, and then coming back and doing your weekly violin lessons, and your daily violin.

Barry: Exactly, and you know, violin, because of the intensiveness, you’re likely gonna get better or at least unlearn some bad habits you maybe have, but you’re not gonna come back as Fritz Kreisler, suddenly. I don’t even know who Fritz Kreisler is but somewhere back in my memory, There is that he was a great violinist. 

Stephanie: We’ll put it in our show notes. (Laughing)

Barry: Yeah we’ll have to check that out, just insert, in my voice some other actual violinist.

Stephanie: Amazing. We have the technology.

Barry: Itzhak Perlman? Wasn’t he a violinist?

Stephanie: Maybe. Cello? Uh oh. We’re at the end of my knowledge of instrumentalists.

Barry: Well in any case, more like violin camp than a peak experience.
And peak experiences are good and great. One definitely could have one in meditation or on a meditation retreat. But they’re called peak experiences for a reason, like mountain climbers they get to the peak, but how long do they stay on the peak? Not very long because the air is too thin up there.

Stephanie: And they can’t all be peak experiences or then that’s just the new flat.

Barry: Yeah.

Stephanie: I really loved in this episode too that there’s the parallel men’s retreat also happening on the property, and it’s basically just a lot of very angry misogynists yelling at a blow up doll and being lauded for “getting their feelings out.”

Barry: Yeah man I—that one—I don’t have, I haven’t taken part or been involved in a real corporation, so I’ve never been part of a sensitivity retreat, so I don’t have as much—

Stephanie: I’m sure that’s not how they go. 

Barry: Oh, I hope not, My God. I’d hope that if they’re trying to learn to be more sensitive to women, that they’d talk to some actual women.

Stephanie: Or at least not yell epithets.

Barry: I think it provided a good opportunity for Fleabag to escape. I think at one point she goes over and joins the men’s sensitivity retreat.  

Stephanie: She creeps down the hill to see what they’re up to.

Barry, I don’t know about you but these days I’ve really been feeling like the Mindful Vulgarian’s time is upon us. His day has finally arrived. There’s so much material out there right now about using this lockdown time to improve your relationship with yourself, or deepen your practice of this or that, write a novel, learn a new skill, I dunno. Invent something, start a side hustle, whatever. And most days I just want to flop on the couch like a discarded sock and mainline the entirety of 30 Rock, or get lost in building endless subway systems on Mini Metro. So, I can’t help but wonder, how the Mindful Vulgarian is coping these days?

Barry: Yeah, well good luck with writing King Lear while during a pandemic. I heard something today, if I could remember it. There’s been a new coinage, Couch potat-riat—so by staying home on your couch, you’re a patriot.

Stephanie: Oh, that elevates my experience a little.

Barry: Unfortunately Steph, it’s in a commercial for Burger King. 

Stephanie: Aw dang it!

Barry: They’re trying to convince you to stay on your couch, be a patriot, and order a Whopper.

Stephanie: I don’t like that all of a sudden. Nothing against a whopper but…

Barry: But I like the idea of a couch patriot.

Stephanie: Well it is that way to show that we really do care for each other and we are all connected, right?

Barry: Yeah, it’s, well. This is a multi-layered experience. It’s just a Dagwood sandwich of life. I mean first of all you’ve got to think of people who are dying. You know it’s a very large number, but it’s interestingly not quite a large enough number that all of us know somebody directly in our lives who has died. There’s a certain kind of distance, but we know people are dying. There are quite a few people who are going into the front lines. I have a friend who is a doctor. He works in nursing homes and he said “you know what? It’s even harder on the orderlies and obviously the nurses who have a lot of contact.” Then there’s all the other delivery people and grocery store people. That’s the first layer. There’s a lot of pain.

And then there’s uncertainty. Holy crap, man, you don’t wanna think like even four days ahead.  

Stephanie: For the first time in my life, I’m living in the moment!

Barry: There ya go, man, this’ll throw ya right into the moment. 

Stephanie: It’s wild.

Barry: And then, when you go out it’s like an episode of Black Mirror. You know, normally I swim. I can’t swim. Ya know, swimming would be great, if you could have a pool in your backyard, which I clearly don’t have. Because it’s a chlorine bath, that’s great during a pandemic.

Stephanie: It’s ideal!

Barry: Yeah! But if you have to go to a locker room to get to a pool, forget it, that’s not happening.  So I’ve had to do a lot of walking. So people are walking, and when you see another person you have to like “okay, I gotta get away from these people!” I don’t wanna get within 6 feet of these people, and there are people walking all over the place, parks are closed. There’s a little park in my neighbourhood, some people got fined just for walking there, and at the store there are these lines with marks, and honestly if you’d seen an episode of a science fiction show depicting this, suddenly it’s turned into your reality. Another layer to dig down a little deeper, it’s, you realize it’s uncovered vulnerabilities that are always there and have always been there.

Stephanie: Like what?

Barry: You know, it’s always possible to catch a disease and die. Our life is very interconnected as much as we think we have this private preserve, and it really asks us to look at that. I don’t know whether it will occasion the kind of examination that might be helpful I mean, we’ve been knowing for quite a long time that we need to reduce consumption and we have reduced consumption and all we can think about is can we please go back to massive consumption, because it’s the only thing that seems to make it possible for us to live. Maybe we need to contemplate that paradox a little bit, so we’re thrown back on ourselves, and on a good day, I highly appreciate that, because the whole reason that I became a meditator stems back to my brother. I had two brothers who were arrested for transporting marijuana from Mexico into the United States, and they spent time in prison. My brother Neil lived in a small cell for over two years.

Our life is very interconnected as much as we think we have this private preserve, and it really asks us to look at that.

I mean, he got to go out and do things. He wasn’t in solitary or anything but he was locked up a while. He practiced a lot of meditation, and when he got out he continued that pursuit and he inspired me to do it. When you find yourself in reduced circumstances, this is something prisoners know about. There can be a window. Look at what happened with Nelson Mandela. His imprisonment made him so incredibly powerful. So a time of having your circumstances reduced and your life simplified can allow for a type of reflection. I don’;t know if you need to write King Lear but it can be helpful to have a time of reflection, and the moment when I want to go out to my local pub and hug my friends, and the moment I realize I can’t do that and I accept that, there’s a moment of reflection and it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong to go to the pub and hug my friends, but it does mean that I’m taking a time, in this case a forced time, to let go of some things, and just be left with what’s left—and that’s a real meditation retreat. Not like the posh version with the passive aggressive woman trying to guilt you into being a better version of yourself. It’s just having time when you’ve let go of other things to reflect and see what’s left and what really matters, and when we go out again, and we will go out again, so for me that’s the good, the bad and the ugly of the pandemic.

Stephanie: And there’s some bathrooms to clean and some vegetables to chop so, it is just like a meditation retreat.

Barry: Absolutely! Absolutely man, ‘cause ain’t nobody else gonna chop those vegetables. Not right now.

Stephanie: Not right now. It was great to talk to you Barry.

Barry: Likewise. Glad we could do this and love to everyone out there. Please be well, take care, do what you can to help and—

Stephanie: Wash your hands.

Barry: Wash your hands.

Stephanie: “Wash your hands” is the new “I love you”.

Barry: Exactly.

Stephanie: Thanks for this, Barry.

EXTRO:

This has been the Point of View podcast with Mindful founding editor Barry Boyce. 

This podcast is a production of Mindful.org. 

If you want to talk to us about what you heard on the podcast, or if you have a question for Barry, you can drop us a line at podcasts@mindful.org

You can find more of Barry Boyce at mindful.org—pop his name in the search bar and you’ll find some audio practices, tonnes of stories, and all the other episodes of Point of View.

I’m Stephanie Domet. Till next time… hang in there, friend. Wash your hands. 

Show Notes:

Fleabag Season, 1 Episode 4
Violinist Fritz Kreisler
Not to be confused with Fritz Crisler, American football coach
Violinist Itzhak Perlman is not a cellist

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