Why Listening is the Most Radical Act

Pain and suffering may often seem to be calling us to jump in and fix things, but perhaps they are asking us first to be still enough to hear what can really help, what can truly get to the cause of this suffering, what will not only eliminate it now but prevent it from returning. So, before we act, we need to listen. When we do become quiet enough and “listen up,” the way opens, and we see the possibilities for action.

We give very little attention to learning to listen, learning to really hear another person or situation. Yet think back to the moments with other people when our hearts were engaged and we felt fed by being together. In those moments, weren’t we hearing one another? In times like those, when we have listened to and heard one another, we have felt life arising from a shared perspective.

Why we miss new opportunities

Each situation, each moment of life, is new. We and this other person or group of people have never been here before. Oh, we’ve been in moments like it, but the present moment is new even if we have performed the same action with the same person hundreds of times before. Of course, it’s easy to think, “Well, it’s just like the last time, so I’ll do what I did last time,” and then not have to listen to the new moment. But if we do that, our lives become boring replications of what we have always done before, and we miss the possibilities of surprise, of new and more creative solutions, of mystery.

For our often humdrum lives to retain the taste of living truth, we have to listen freshly—again and again.

For our often humdrum lives to retain the taste of living truth, we have to listen freshly—again and again. A human interaction includes both the uniqueness of each being and the unity of the two, which transcends the separateness. For our minds to take such a subtle process and trivialize it to “just this again” or “nothing but that” is to reduce us to automatons, to objects for one another. And for action to be compassionate, we need to eliminate the idea of object, we need to be here together doing exactly what needs to be done in the simplest way we can. We need to listen.

How mindful listening leads to real change

When we begin to act by listening, the rest follows naturally. It’s not so easy, of course—it requires us to give up preconceived ideas, judgments, and desires in order to allow space to hear what is being said. True listening requires a deep respect and a genuine curiosity about situations as well as a willingness just to be there and share stories. Listening opens the space, allows us to hear what needs to be done in that moment. It also allows us to hear when it is better not to act, which is sometimes a hard message to receive.

Listening to others clearly opens the way to understanding the helping situation. But listening to others requires quieting some of the voices that already exist within us.

There are many people and organizations teaching techniques for clear active listening and appreciating the role of listening in the process of change. One such group is Rural Southern Voice for Peace, which has developed The Listening Project, a process by which members of grass-roots groups go door to door or to familiar gathering places as they are beginning a project. They ask “open-ended questions in a non-judgmental but challenging way that encourages people to share their deepest thoughts” about the area of the group’s concern. They report that “remarkable things happen as this process unfolds: Activists empathize with former ‘opponents,’ replacing negative stereotypes with understanding and concern; barriers are overcome as both sides experience common ground and see each other as human beings with deeply held hopes and fears. People being surveyed feel affirmed, sensing that what the listeners really want is to know their opinions; some start to change their opinions as they explore, often for the first time, their deeper feelings about social problems.”

Listening to others clearly opens the way to understanding the helping situation. But listening to others requires quieting some of the voices that already exist within us. When this happens, there is space not only for the voices of others but for our own truest voice. And, as Alice Walker has said, “The inner voice can be very scary sometimes. You listen, and then you go ‘Do what?’ I don’t wanna do that! But you still have to pay attention to it.”

How meditation helps us listen to others

We need to take time to quiet down and listen to ourselves with attention—not only in the midst of action but when we are alone, walking in the woods, making tea, praying in church, fishing in a stream, or sitting in meditation. A simple breath meditation can be helpful, because it returns us to a basic connection with the world. As we breathe in and out, and bring our awareness gently to our breath, we are experiencing the world coming into us and ourselves going back out into the world. We are reminded, in a simple physical way, that we are not separate from the world but continually interacting with it in the very makeup of our being.

When we listen for the truth of a moment, we know better what to do and what not to do, when to act and when not to act.

We need to listen fully. It’s the basis of all compassionate action. Such full listening helps us hear who is calling and what we can do in response. When we listen for the truth of a moment, we know better what to do and what not to do, when to act and when not to act. We hear that we are all here together, and we are all we’ve got.

 

This article was adapted from Compassion in Action: Setting Out on the Path of Service by Ram Dass and Mirabia Bush

 

 

Wholehearted Listening: How we listen affects how we are heard

 

Stop, Wait, Go

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Stress Impacts the Brain Increasing Risk for Heart Disease

Chronic stress has long been linked to cardiovascular events like heart attack and stroke. New research published in The Lancet suggests that heightened activity in the amygdala, the brain’s emotion processing center, may increase cardiovascular disease risk. This opens the door for new studies of alternative therapies including mindfulness meditation that are known to increase relaxation and stress resilience, and decrease known modifiable heart disease risk factors like hypertension, high cholesterol, physical inactivity, and Type 2 diabetes.

The amygdala is a region in the brain that is particularly susceptible to stress. Heightened activity in the amygdala has previously been linked to depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and emotion regulation, but has yet to be considered as a risk factor for heart disease.

In addition to stress, studies show that arterial inflammation is a known risk factor for cardiovascular illness. Prior animal studies also point to a link between chronic stress and alterations of bone marrow and spleen activity, however these linkages have not been tested in humans.

The link between perceived stress, amygdala activity, and heart disease

In this study, 293 participants age 30 years and older (median age 55 years) with no prior diagnosis of heart disease or cancer underwent PET/CT scanning to record their brain, spleen, and bone marrow activity, and arterial inflammation. They were then followed for an average of 3.7 years.

Analyses revealed that heightened activity of the amygdala was associated with increased arterial inflammation, heightened bone marrow activity, and an elevated risk for cardiovascular disease.

A total of 22 study participants were diagnosed with cardiovascular disease within the follow up period (2.7-4.8 years). Analyses revealed that heightened activity of the amygdala was associated with increased arterial inflammation, heightened bone marrow activity, and an elevated risk for cardiovascular disease.

An examination of a cross-section of participants further showed a relationship between perceived stress and heart disease risk. Specifically, higher participant ratings of perceived stress were significantly correlated with greater amygdala activity, arterial inflammation, and C-reactive protein (CPR) levels. (CRP is a known biomarker of stress).

This is the first study to provide evidence of the link between perceived stress, heightened amygdala activation, known cardiovascular disease risk factors, and the onset of heart disease. Findings suggest that how the mind, body and brain perceive and respond to stress may have direct bearing on the onset of cardiovascular illness.

Mindfulness reduces stress and heart disease risk

A comprehensive review and meta-analysis published in Complementary Therapies in Clinical Practice in 2016 provides convincing evidence that practices such as meditation and yoga are highly beneficial for reducing chronic stress. This review linked regular contemplative practice with reduced blood pressure and cholesterol values, decreased waist circumference, and decreased heart and respiratory rates, suggesting that these practices may benefit all those looking to prevent heart disease, or ameliorate its effects.

Indeed, the scientific evidence of mindfulness programs such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy for reducing cardiovascular disease risk factors is building, with studies demonstrating links between mindfulness practice and reductions in heart disease risk factors such as chronic stress, hypertension, poor type 1 and 2 diabetes regulation, smoking, and obesity-related eating behaviors. This may be attributed to the fact that practices like meditation improve attentional control, emotion regulation, and self-awareness, all of which are important contributors to the maintenance of a healthy lifestyle.

Although more research is needed to better understand why and how mindfulness practices benefit cardiovascular health, these studies suggest that contemplative practices may decrease the risk for heart disease and increase overall wellbeing.

 

How Stress Changes the Brain and Body

 

Manage Stress by Listening to Your Body

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Darkness of the Womb – Four Key Steps in Transforming Suffering - Tara Brach

Darkness of the Womb – Four Key Steps in Transforming Suffering –

We can either repeat old fear based patterns, or our suffering can awaken us to a deeper wisdom and greater love.  This talk explores four principles in relating to difficulty that move us towards healing and freedom—both personally and as a society.

photo: Shell Fischer – mindfulvalley.com

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3 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Relationships

Having strong relationships is one of the single greatest predictors of wellness, happiness, and longevity. And our connections flourish when we take time to get to know ourselves, and others, better. Here are three ways to strengthen the relationships you have, and nourish the ones that might need some work:

1) Be kind
Kindness is like a magnet. People like to be around others who are kind because they feel cared about and safe with them. The age-old Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would want them to do to you” still rings true today. It’s also reciprocal. When we practice kindness, not only do we feel better, but we help others feel good, too. And this just increases opportunities for positive connections throughout our day, which, in turn, contributes to our own health and well-being.

2) Identify Nourishing (and Depleting) Relationships
Take an inventory of your relationships to a get a sense for who’s nourishing you and who’s depleting you. See if you can spend more time with the nourishing people make stronger connections there. Try to spend a little less time with those who deplete you. This isn’t always possible, of course (ie: family members, coworkers, etc.), so in those cases, see if you can change your relationship a little bit by recognizing that those people may be dealing with some instability in their lives. Practice sending them some kind intentions using a loving-kindness mediation and see what comes up: “May they be happy, may they be healthy, may they feel safe, may they be balanced.”

3) Practice “Just like me”
DNA research has revealed that regardless of gender, ethnicity, or race, humans are 99.9% the same. If you want to foster a greater sense of connection in your life, as you go through your day and encounter someone who you think is different from you, silently say, “Just like me,” and see what you notice. You may just experience the awareness that each of us wants the same things: to feel cared for and understood, and to experience a sense of belonging.

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. is hosting an online course to help people fully integrate mindfulness into their lives in a deep way in order to realize more enduring change. The in-depth 6-month online course called A Course in Mindful Living  runs in fall 2017—the waitlist is now open.

 

How to Be Your Best Possible Self For Relationships

How Mindful Fighting Can Change Your Relationship

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How to Disarm Your Biggest Critic

Some years ago I was teaching a course in a hospital in Sheffield, England. There was a psychiatrist in the course who was in his fifties and who, although cordial on the surface, could be quite vicious in his attacks on others in the group. Out of the blue, he would issue scathing judgments about their errors. What was challenging for his colleagues was that they could never be sure when to expect one of his barbed attacks.

Later I came to work with him, in a coaching format. I discovered his life was tormented by his own vicious attacks on himself. Growing up in a critical family, he felt that he never lived up to their expectations. His father—ironically, a judge in a local court—had hoped his son would follow him into law. To his disappointment, his son did not, and he did not hide his disdain for his son’s career choice.

The Inner Critic Run Amok

As a consequence, the psychiatrist had internalized this culture of judgment and was unforgiving of even the slightest error in himself or others. He lived his life under the oppressive reach of the inner critic’s hand. It had turned his life into a narrow hell where nothing he did was right, no matter how successful he was in medicine. What he didn’t see was how he turned that same critique toward everyone around him, literally scaring them away. It was no wonder he felt sad and lonely.

What he didn’t see was how he turned that same critique toward everyone around him, literally scaring them away.

Have you ever wondered what it’s like at home for the most judgmental person you know at the office? Rest assured it wouldn’t be all quiet. For the most part, what goes out goes in; if someone is outwardly critical, they are most likely also turning the screw on themselves when there is no one else around to take aim at.

What’s Your Judgement Style?

However, people do tend to lean more in one direction than the other—either outward or inward—when judging. Take a look at your own mind and see if that is so. Do you tend to judge yourself or others more, or is it about even? Or do the judgments just go whichever way the critic is looking?

It is important to understand your mental habits because the more you practice a habit, the more entrenched it becomes.

It is important to understand your mental habits because the more you practice a habit, the more entrenched it becomes. If your habit is to judge (whether internally or externally), guess what becomes the norm? The key point here is that we do not want to strengthen the critic’s fundamentally problematic point of view. Unlike a person exercising discernment, the critic attacks whoever falls under its scrutiny. That is a terrible fate to befall anyone. It is most dire when done to oneself, which is where the guillotine will inevitably fall if we keep up the habit of judging others.

So how do you interrupt this habit?

Two Ways to Interrupt the Inner Critic

1) Acknowledge the inner critic is present. The primary line of defense is simply to notice that it’s there. When seeing this habit with mindful awareness, we can note it for what it is—merely thoughts, and points of view, that are not necessarily true. We can let go of the thoughts and shift our attention to something else.

2) Focus on the positive. An effective counterpoint to habitual negative fixation is to look for what is right or wholesome in others or oneself and to focus on those good qualities. That doesn’t mean we throw out discernment; it just means we don’t give preference to the negative. It is remarkable how that small shift can begin to bring more light into your inner and outer world.

What would it be like for you to look at the world, and the people in it, with more of a focus on the light, on what is positive and right? How would that change your state of mind? Perhaps it would lead you to see yourself in the same way — not as someone with a list of faults as long as your arm, but as someone who has strengths, talents, gifts, and a good heart.

Mindfulness Practice: How to See the Good in Everyone

This is a practice you can do as you go about your day and encounter people. I try to do this whenever someone enters my presence, whether in the office, the bus, a café, or a store. It shifts my perspective from one of fear, caution, or anxiety to one of greater warmth, interest, and positivity.

1) Next time you are in a public place and you look at someone, notice first what your normal, habitual pattern is. Do you see their faults, what is wrong with them, and all the ways you might critique their dress, weight, hair, conversation, and so on?

2) Then, to shift the negatively oriented judging habit, try to see one positive quality about the person. What attribute of theirs —a skill, quality, action, or something in their speech, dress, or manner—can you appreciate?

3) Observe what happens when you turn your attention to that aspect of them. How does it make you feel? Does it feel genuine or forced? Is there any judgment that this is naive or doesn’t take in the whole picture? Or does it allow you to move from a critical orientation to one that is more life affirming or positive?

4) Try to do this for a specific period of time. You could try:

• As a ten-minute mindfulness practice
• an entire bus ride
• throughout a meeting at work
• a family dinner
• when shopping
• standing in line
• at a sports event

Notice how it can change your mood and the way you feel about the people around you.

5) Try bringing the same perspective to yourself as you go through the day. What would it be like to turn your attention to your positive qualities, actions, and strengths? Notice how this too shifts the bias from what is wrong to what is actually okay and positive.

This article was adapted from Make Peace With Your Mind, by Mark Coleman, New World Library.

A Basic Meditation to Tame Your Inner Critic

Could You Connect More?

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Meditation – The Return to Presence: Rest Your Mind In What Is - Tara Brach

Meditation – The Return to Presence: Rest Your Mind In What Is –

It’s natural that our attention wanders, and the more we relax back, the more that becomes our habit…returning to presence. This meditation opens with conscious breathing and awakening through the body. We then rest in open awareness, and when the attention drifts, guide ourselves to rest our minds, over and over, in the aliveness and presence that is right here.

photo: Shell Fischer

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Why Mindfulness Belongs in the Classroom

Four-year-old Faith already believes in the power of breathing to help her do her best learning. “I was trying to match some letters and I got really frustrated,” says Faith. “And I needed to take a deep breath and I almost got it. I almost got it by myself and I felt just a little happy.”

Faith knows that the simple act of breathing can help her focus to complete the task at hand. She attends the Momentous School, a program of the Momentous Institute, a 97-year-old organization devoted to the social emotional health of kids and families. The school has been tracking kids’ progress for almost 20 years and have accumulated significant data showing the positive effects of incorporating mindfulness into education. Faith and her classmates are learning essential skills that research shows may give children lifelong protection against one of the most serious and quickly growing threats to child well-being in America today: toxic stress.

How toxic stress impedes healthy development in kids

Toxic stress is a prolonged activation of the stress response – without the buffer of safe relationships. It, along with “adverse childhood experiences” (ACES) – such as, poverty, abuse, domestic violence and more – is on the rise. Dr. Robert Block, former president of the American Academy of Pediatrics, feels that ACES “are the single greatest unaddressed public health threat facing our nation today.”

A growing body of science, including the work of Harvard University’s Center for the Developing Child, has found that toxic stress can impede healthy development, literally changing children’s brains and affecting their capacity to absorb even the best instruction.

A growing body of science, including the work of Harvard University’s Center for the Developing Child, has found that toxic stress can impede healthy development, literally changing children’s brains and affecting their capacity to absorb even the best instruction. Mindfulness is a much-needed life preserver in this otherwise troubling picture.

While childhood trauma is sadly nothing new, science now better understands its impact on brain function. During stressful experiences, the amygdala essentially hijacks the pre-frontal cortex impeding its ability to come online. In other words, the part of our brain responsible for the fight, flight or freeze response takes over and blocks the part of our brain which processes complex thoughts, anticipates consequences and inhibits behavior.

To state the obvious, we must intervene upstream to prevent ACES in the first place. In fact, a recent study examining the long-term cost savings of social emotional health programs in elementary schools estimated a benefit-to-cost ratio of 11:1, meaning every dollar invested in the programs had an average return of $11 in benefits.

Mindfulness can help kids manage their internal worlds

Moving stress from toxic to tolerable involves increasing the number of protective relationships in children’s lives and helping them learn how to regulate their nervous system, which is where mindfulness comes in. This skill allows children to manage their internal world regardless of what comes at them externally, which is a concept that even young children like Faith can understand.

At Momentous Institute, we use the analogy of a glitter ball or snow globe to convey the concept, explaining that the brain under stress is like a shaken snow globe—with the glitter swirling, they cannot see clearly. Breathing and other mindfulness techniques, which the children practice several times each day, help them “settle their glitter” so they can do their best thinking. We teach them that mindfulness and social emotional health can help them understand and manage their feelings, reactions and relationships. As Susan Kaiser Greenland illustrates in her books, The Mindful Child and Mindful Games, mindfulness practices can be right-sized for kids as young as Faith.

How mindfulness translates into improved academics

Science tells us why this works. Research shows mindfulness shrinks the amygdala and thickens the pre-frontal cortex. According to Dr. Richie Davidson, mindfulness strengthens connectivity between areas of the brain that support attention and concentration, thus weakening the amygdala’s capacity to hijack the thinking parts of the brain.

With this understanding, it is easy to see how mindfulness and self-regulation can translate into improved academics. This is true for all kids, but especially important for our most vulnerable kids coping with multiple ACES.

In kindergarten, those in the mindfulness group scored higher on a standardized vocabulary/literacy assessment than those in the control group.

There is a scarcity of large-scale research confirming mindfulness improves children’s life trajectories. However, there is a robust body of evidence about the benefits of mindfulness for adults. We hope it is only a matter of time before a large body of research about the impact of mindfulness on children becomes available.

Momentous Institute published one of two existing studies examining the impact of mindfulness practices on prekindergarten students’ self-regulation and academic performance. This study indicated that prekindergarten students who received a yearlong mindfulness curriculum showed greater improvements in their working memory and capacity to plan and organize than students in a control group. In kindergarten, those in the mindfulness group scored higher on a standardized vocabulary/literacy assessment than those in the control group.

Other research at Momentous School has shown that after three years of participating in mindfulness practices, 5^th grade students’ levels of empathy predicted their scores on standardized reading and math assessments. This tells us that Faith was right when she said breathing helped her figure out her letters. Mindfulness does not just help her feel better or calm down; it increases her capacity for academic performance.

Mindfulness for kids is not one-size fits all

Without question, there are no silver bullets when dealing with complex topics like education and trauma. Mindfulness can only thrive in schools where positive climate is a priority. In addition, mindfulness can never be reduced to a curriculum. This work only takes root in a sustainable way if the system adopts a commitment to consistent practice and the well-being of all involved—children and adults alike.

The systemic issues behind the rising stress levels – poverty, racism, sexism, violence and inequity—must be attended to with courage and conviction.

Embedding mindfulness in education is one important step. That alone, however, will never be sufficient in addressing toxic stress and ACES. The systemic issues behind the rising stress levels – poverty, racism, sexism, violence and inequity—must be attended to with courage and conviction.

By prioritizing these systemic shifts along with a true integration of mindfulness, we can provide children a sense of control and the opportunity to achieve their full potential. We believe the same breathing that helped Faith learn the alphabet can spell long-term thriving for our children and our society.

 

A Glimpse at a Mindfulness Class for Children

 

Raising Baltimore

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Why Do Dictators and Bullies Gain Power?

You might be wondering: Don’t totalitarian dictators and bullies successfully wield power for long periods of time and do a lot of damage? How does that line up with this notion of survival of the kindest?

It’s true: The coercive, bullying, Machiavellian style can lead to gains in power. Although studies show that bullies are not respected by their peers, are often isolated, and don’t have much sustained influence, the sixth-grade bully can get a lot of attention and influence others, just as the Machiavellian who rises to corporate or political power can make lives difficult and do much harm while they retain power. There are certain contexts, historical periods, and political moments where Machiavellianism and fear-mongering seems to work particularly well. Research I’ve been doing recently suggests that when people feel they have little control in their lives and their economic lives have suffered, they are more likely to be drawn to a coercive leadership style. It also appears that more men than women are drawn to a coercive style.

There are certain moments where fear-mongering seems to work particularly well. My research shows that when people feel they have little control in their lives and their economic lives have suffered, they are more likely to be drawn to a coercive leadership style.

Research shows that this more coercive style tends to get a lot of attention initially, but it doesn’t retain much influence over the long run or garner the widespread, long- term support of colleagues and communities that leads to sustained successes. It leaves legacies of poor ethics and ill repute, such as happened with the Nixon administration.

Studies also reveal that there is a common intuitive distrust, even repulsion, of coercive Machiavellians. And this manifests in social practices that constrain such Machiavellian power, including protest, dissent, mockery, and critical commentary. When these social practices are in place and pursued vigorously, communities can limit the damage bullies and coercers produce.

Studies also reveal that there is a common intuitive distrust, even repulsion, of coercive Machiavellians. And this manifests in social practices that constrain such Machiavellian power, including protest, dissent, mockery, and critical commentary. When these social practices are in place and pursued vigorously, communities can limit the damage bullies and coercers produce.

History is defined by this struggle between contrasting styles of power: a coercive, amoral, even violent one, and a collaborative, cooperative, compassionate one. Martin Luther King, Jr. said he refused “to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.”

Which form of power prevails is really up to us.

This excerpt appeared in the February 2017 issue of Mindful magazine.

How to Find Your Power—and Avoid Abusing It

A Meditation in Honor of The Women’s March

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A Simple Strategy for Halting Old Habits

It’s about that time in January when the gym gets less crowded, the ice cream section at the grocery store gets busy, and the majority of us break our New Year’s resolutions. But there are ways we can make it past February with our goals still in tact. The key to breaking old habits and forming new ones is building a strong foundation for your willpower to thrive on, and that means creating healthy habits that serve our very basic biological needs. There’s a simple acronym for when you find your willpower slipping and temptation winning the day.

The acronym, HALT, is meant to mindfully check in with our simple biological and emotional needs that, if not addressed, will get in the way of making healthy choices.

A Simple Strategy for HALT-ing Old Habits:

The next time you’re feeling like it’s okay to skip a mediation session, or eat that second (or third) Girl Scout cookie, ask yourself if you’re feeling any of these four things:

• Hungry
• Angry/Anxious
• Lonely
• Tired

What I love about HALT is that there is solid science behind it. In order to stave off temptation we must be mindful of our basic needs.

Hungry: Impulse control involves a complex dance between the prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus, with a little help from other parts of the brain also involved in foresight and decision-making. Any shortage of calories will short-circuit this hub of activity making it difficult to activate your willpower. Check in with your body’s hunger signals regularly, listening to what you need physically in terms of sustenance, not just what you wants emotionally. Remember, not every meal has to be perfectly mindful (taking fifteen minutes per raisin) but consider some informal ways of bringing mindfulness into your eating habits so you become more aware of your diet and relationship to food.

Angry/Anxious: When we feel angry or anxious our bodies can slip into fight-or-flight mode, where we start operating from the most primitive parts of the brain and nervous system—This is not where good long-term decisions are made. In this mode, some of the rational parts of our brain shut down, decreasing our ability to think and reason things through things, or even consider the long-term consequences of our actions. This is when we start to react rather than respond. When you’re feeling angry or anxious, and your emotions are running high, consider a few slow mindful breaths to quiet the nerves and activate your more rational brain.

Lonely: Our social networks help us keep our commitments. When we tell other people about a commitment to change a habit, we are far more likely to follow through. And while introverts and extroverts have different optimal social setpoints, we all need to strike a balance between solitude and socializing. Consider what is the best balance for you, and share your goals only as widely as you feel comfortable. A side effect of sharing your goals is that you may find new ways to build relationships. Plus, we know that friendships are directly correlated with happiness, mental health, physical health, even longevity. So, activate your social networks online and off to help you meet your goals for the new year.

Tired: When we’re tired, whether it’s from overworking or under-sleeping, our self-control and willpower slip away, an effect known as “ego-depletion.” A poor nights sleep can even knock you down a few IQ points. The bad news is that research shows it is hard to make up for lost sleep. The good news is that some research suggests that consistent sleep, approximately the same bedtimes and waking times, might be as or more important than the total amount. So consider some basic healthy sleep habits as integral to your self-care, as well as just giving yourself a chance to rest during your busy day.

If you can HALT periodically throughout the day to check in on yourself, you’ll greatly increases your chances of following through on your goals—Plus, you’ll find it easier to shift out of old habits and into new ones.

 

How to Change a Habit for Good

Beware the Habit-Forming Brain!

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Are Your Happiness Goals Too High?

In our competitive culture, we usually think “more is better.” Being Number One, winning at all costs, and “having the most” is deeply ingrained in our psyche as real success. This model of going for the max is often erroneously applied to our own well-being. People mistakenly think intense delight is a sign that their attempt at awakening joy is truly successful.

However, when we look for bells and whistles as indications of true happiness we’re misunderstanding a very important principle: Setting a high bar of intense happiness works against true well-being. Although I’m all for enjoying peak experiences when they arise, measuring that ideal against a moderate level of okayness can easily render this moment as “not good enough.”

Happy people are creative too. But at some point only going for the gusto can be counter-productive if you’re trying to access your muse.

We find what we look for. Science calls this phenomenon the brain’s “confirmation bias.” Your brain tends to see what it believes to be true and misses whatever doesn’t confirm its hypothesis. If you don’t think you experience much true happiness because you’re holding an image that it should be a peak experience of ecstasy, you probably will keep confirming that belief.

What’s the alternative? Aim for noticing how you really feel right at that moment—and embrace all your diverse feelings.

The science of emotional diversity

There are studies that show over-pursuing happiness actually may be detrimental to your mental and physical health. People who have “emodiversity”—meaning they express a full range of emotions including anger, worry and sadness—are actually healthier than those whose range tends to be mostly on the positive side.

In a study of over 35,000 people, researchers found that “people high in emodiversity were less likely to be depressed than people high in positive emotion alone.” In another study of 1,300 Belgians, those with greater emodiversity used fewer medications, didn’t go to the doctor as often, exercised more, ate better, and had all-around better health than those with more limited emotional range.

Too much intense happiness can affect our creative juices too. In one study measuring mood and creativity, Mark Alan Davis found that when we experience extreme or intense happiness we tend not to tap into our creativity as much. In extreme cases we can get manic and lose our connection to creativity. Not that you need to be melodramatic to be creative. Happy people are creative too. But at some point only going for the gusto can be counter-productive if you’re trying to access your muse.

Too much intense happiness can affect our creative juices too. One study measuring mood and creativity found that when we experience extreme or intense happiness we tend not to tap into our creativity as much.

Another study found that those who are consistently on the high end of happiness curve tend to be less flexible in adapting to challenging situations. It becomes harder to adjust when things go south. What’s more, those who are in constant pursuit of positive experiences are more likely to engage in risky behaviors like sexual promiscuity and substance abuse. This extreme happiness/risky behavior syndrome was also confirmed in a 1993 study. Children who were regarded as “highly cheerful” tended to have a higher probability of mortality as adults probably due to riskier behavior.

Indeed, when we try too hard to attain happiness we may be setting ourselves up for its opposite. Researcher Iris Mauss and colleagues have shown that sometimes people chase happiness to an unrealistic degree, which can actually end up leading to major disappointment. It can turn into a vicious cycle where the harder you try for happiness the more elusive it becomes.

So perhaps it’s better not to try so hard to be happy.

It’s OK to feel OK

When people do my online Awakening Joy course, they often come with ideas of what joy is supposed to look like. A complaint I sometimes hear is, “I’m trying really hard to be joyful and it’s not working.” As the science suggests, that’s not surprising. Instead, I recommend that one simply begin noticing moments of feeling okay. If you tend to have a life filled with intense drama, I often suggest being aware of moments when you’re not miserable. That’s a good start.

However, if you see moments of “okayness”—moments where you’re not suffering—as moments worthy of appreciation, you open the channel to true well-being. And the more you notice and take them in, the stronger that flow of well-being naturally grows—not through force but through wise attention. As neuroscience expert Rick Hanson says: “The brain is like Teflon for positive experiences and Velcro for negative ones.” We need to train ourselves to appreciate and take in those simple moments of life where things are actually okay.

When you let go of looking for ecstatic states, you can find joy in the most commonplace moments. Edith, a student in Germany, had somehow equated joy with intense positive experiences. But when she stopped looking for those and simply opened up to a simple feeling of well-being she started to experience things very differently. She put it this way:

“I noticed how much joy there already is and how I had somehow looked for a kind of super-mundane, “spiritual” joy, more profound and lasting than our ordinary joy, that I would only reach if I practiced hard and in the right way. By having this concept, and by looking for this other kind of joy, I had missed out on a lot of “ordinary joy” moments. As I focused on them, appreciated them and felt them more fully, I was so happy and sometimes almost overwhelmed at all the joy and blessings in my life.”

I remember many years ago hearing a wise teacher give instructions on the heart practice called “Loving-kindness” meditation. He said that sometimes the word “loving-kindness” can seem so lofty and noble that we imagine it’s beyond our reach. He suggested connecting with the simple feeling of “kindness” or “friendliness” towards oneself or others. That’s so much more accessible and it will start the gentle flow of good-heartedness we’re looking for. It really worked. As I let go of getting a gold-star in my loving-kindness practice I simply enjoyed extending good will and let myself be touched by my kind heart.

In some Eastern philosophical models of happiness, refined states of well-being are considered ultimately more sustainable and more satisfying. As wonderful as it is, rapture is considered a courser level of happiness that, after awhile, becomes jangling to the system. Going up the ladder of refined states, gladness, happiness, and contentment are considered qualities that are much more developed and fulfilling. Ultimately, deep peace is the most satisfying state of all and is said to be the pre-cursor to true enlightenment.

So if you’re trying to cultivate genuine happiness within yourself, you might consider letting go of trying to experience a gusher of intensity. Awakening joy comes naturally from truly appreciating the simple moments of well-being in our lives. Don’t miss them! Once you start having your radar out for them you’ll see them everywhere.

Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson

Awakening Joy is an internationally recognized five-month course that is taken online (Feb. 5th) and live in Berkeley (January 31st). Over 15,000 people from 30 countries have taken the course, taught by James Baraz, offering themes and practices that incline the mind toward well-being. The 2017 Awakening Joy course is open for registration. Discounts are available for early registration. No one turned away because of finances.

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

The 5 Major Mind Traps that Hinder Happiness

What Is Happiness Anyway?

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Your Awake Heart Is Calling You - Tara Brach

Your Awake Heart Is Calling You ~

As individuals and societies, we are pulled by both the insecurity of our evolutionary past, and by our awake heart, our capacity for mindfulness and compassion. This talk explores the ways we can listen to and respond to the call of our awake heart, by training ourselves to open to vulnerability (our own and others) and widen the circles of compassion.

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Mindful Activist’s Toolkit for The Women’s March

Women are about to connect with each other on a massive scale at women’s marches across the globe. It will be an epic mingling of ideas and subcultures, addressing everything from family health and security, power and gender, worker’s rights and civil rights, environmental justice and personal freedom, and more. Hopefully marchers, and those supporting them, will come away from this moment with a greater understanding of their own work in the world, and a deeper sense of how all of the different concerns of women across the world intersect with each other.

“In order to get the most out of this moment, we need to keep ourselves quiet enough, in the midst of all the activity, so that we can hear and feel and respond to what arises within us,” says mindfulness teacher and long-time activist Mirabai Bush, senior fellow at the Center for Contemplative Mind and Society, and co-author of the book Compassion in Action. We asked Mirabai to help us compile a tool kit of go-to mindfulness tactics to help people stay grounded in the moment as they navigate this historic expression peaceful resistance.

The Mindful Activist’s Toolkit:

Here are eight mindfulness tools to march with when you join the masses to honor our democracy at the Women’s March.

1) Frustrated with delays and crowds: Return to the breath
While some people love crowds and love like feeling like they are part of a mass of humanity, gathering with hundreds of thousands of passionate protesters is an intense experience. The best thing to do throughout the march is to remember the basic practice of mindfulness is simply breathing. “Taking a deep breath in—not a deep panicky breath in, but a slow, deep breath in and then breathing out—can help you bring calm to any moment,” says Mirabai. You can also use a phrase as you breathe, something like: Breathing in, I know I am breathing. Breathing out, I smile. This simple breath practice can help calm fears and anxieties.

2) Impatience with people: Return to your motivation
Reminding yourself of why you are marching can help bring you back into your body and your intention. “If you become frustrated with people along the way, get back in touch with your motivation for going to the march,” says Mirabai. “Staying in touch with your motivation can help you let go of things more easily, it can allow compassion to arise for people who are clearly speaking out of suffering.” Remember that you’re here for the full experience and part of this experience is meeting all kinds of people.

3) Hearing or seeing things you don’t agree with: Loving-kindness meditation
Throughout the march it is helpful to use the loving-kindness meditation: May all these beings, and may all these women, and all women everywhere, be happy. “That’s really what this is about,” says Mirabai. “May women be healthy and may we be strong, may we be free, free from oppression… and may we have health insurance!”

4) Feeling overwhelmed: Walking meditation
The best things will happen when, in as much as you can, you bring yourself into the present moment in a loving way. “I encourage marchers to use some form of walking meditation,” says Mirabai. Bring your awareness to the sensations in your body, your feet, your legs, as they touch the ground as you walk. Appreciate that you are fortunate to be where you are. Open your awareness to your surroundings. What do you hear? See? Feel?

5) Caught up judging others: Mindful listening
You can become more aware of whatever prejudgments you’ve brought with you by practicing mindful listening. “In order to hear, really hear what’s being said around you, listen mindfully,” says Mirabai. To do this, listen not just for what’s being said, but for what’s going on inside you, what your reactions feel like. Try to notice when you become defensive or closed off. These moments are powerful opportunities to connect with others in new ways.

Try to notice when you become defensive or closed off. These moments are powerful opportunities to connect with others in new ways.

6) Struck with fear of danger: Acknowledge, respect, and try this “Letting Go” practice
The first thing to do with fear is to make it as conscious as possible, says Mirabai, so it’s not sitting there just under the conscious level where it can do more damage. “You can’t work with fear if you don’t bring it to the surface, so talk to your friends about what you’re feeling and bring it out in the open,” says Mirabai. Pay attention to what it is that you need, practice self-compassion. “If there are parts of the march you don’t want to be part of, whatever it is that you identify as feeling dangerous, respect your fear and be smart about it,” she says. If you feel fear arising, try this exercise: Take a deep breath and then tighten up your fist, one or both, as tight as you can. Then breathe out and slowly open your hand, letting everything go until your whole body feels completely relaxed. Take a few deep breaths. If the fear arises again, then tighten up and let go again.

7) Feeling disconnected: Gratitude
Plan ahead for this one and bring some kind of snacks or stickers to give away to people. “The act of generosity makes you feel more a part of what’s happening, it makes you happy, and makes you feel like you are taking action in a small way while you’re there,” says Mirabai.

8) When you get home: Mindful journaling
Soon after you get home, the most important thing is to sit quietly and see what arises out of your experience. “What was really important to you? Not what the march thought was important, what was important to you? And it might have been just one moment or one thing one person said. Let that rise to the surface and then journal about it. “ says Mirabai. Try mindful freewriting: Sit for 10 minutes and write, without editing, without picking up the pen from the paper, just write what you experienced. “And not just what you experienced,” says Mirabia, “because it would be too easy to stay with the external, but what really resonated for you. This is as an opportunity for all of us to become clear about our own deepest values and motivations. What is it that we really know to be true and value? And what are the implications of that for our actions as we go forward?”

Be safe. March in peace.

A Meditation in Honor of The Women’s March

In the Heat of the Moment

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Meditation: A Witnessing, Kind Presence - Tara Brach

Meditation: A Witnessing, Kind Presence ~

Starting with scanning through the body and awakening the senses, we then rest in presence, with the breath as a home base. The meditation invites an openness to whatever arises, and a gentle kind attention if we encounter physical or emotional pain.  We end with a prayer that includes our own being and all beings.

Free download of Tara’s 10 min meditation:
“Mindful Breathing: Finding Calm and Ease”
when you join her email list.

You might also enjoy: Smile Guided Meditation from 2010 (25:59 min)

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A Meditation in Honor of The Women’s March

Maybe you’re getting ready to March on Saturday or maybe you’re supporting others by cheering them on or perhaps you’re reading this after the March and trying to process all that has happened. Marching with others (literally and figuratively) reminds us that we’re part of a bigger community and that our individual voice matters. Some people march because they want to be surrounded by the energy of others who share their feelings. Some are angry or frustrated and want their voices to be heard. Some march for those who came before them or for their sons and daughters and future generations. Whatever is true for you, if you are marching this weekend in person or in spirit, you no doubt will feel the surge of energy of being with people who share your ideals and are not afraid to get out there and make a difference. It can all be exciting and unsettling all at once.

To help you stay centered, below is a short meditation to listen to before or after the weekend. It was created by Stefanie Goldstein, mom, psychologist, mindfulness teacher and co-founder of the Center for Mindful Living in LA.

1) Find a comfortable position, and take a few long slow deep breaths.

2) Allow your belly to fill completely with every inhale and and deflate completely with every exhale. Bring your awareness to this breath, to this body, to this moment. And now let your breath find its natural rhythm. I invite you to connect to your heart. You can even place a hand or two on your heart if that feels right.

3) Sense into the hands on the body, feeling the heartbeat and connecting to the endless love that is inside of you. And from this heartfelt place, connect now to your truest intention asking yourself: Why do I march?

Allow whatever answers are there to come forward. Some may come from a place of anger, hurt, fear—that’s okay. Let those feelings arise. Welcome them into a loving, safe embrace. Some answers may be fuelled by a sense of love, empowerment, connection. Let those come forward, too. Perhaps you march for a beloved friend or family member, for your children, for yourself or for groups of people that don’t have a voice—or perhaps for future generations. Or maybe you aren’t even sure why you’re marching but something is compelling you. Whatever your reasons, see if you can allow yourself to rest in this deep place of knowing.

4) As feelings arise in this moment, see if you can hold yourself with tenderness and compassion. And if possible expand that out to include everyone who marches with you now and always including those who have come before us: our grandmothers and grandfathers, our mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, and those that will come after us…our sons and our daughters. Holding all of these people with love and compassion, knowing that we’re all in this together.

5) Come back to the breath once again, breathing in and breathing out. Know that you can return to this grounded place whenever you want or need to. Know that the actions you are taking are from your heart. Know that you and all those that you march with can be like a mountain—strong, steady, grounded.

There’s so much that we don’t have control over, but what we do have control over is how we show up, how in each moment of our lives, we decide to be. We decide whether we’re coming from a place of fear or faith, from a place of hate or love, from a place of kindness or confusion, from a place of disconnection or a place of connection.

6) As we bring this meditation to a close, I invite you to take a few moments to think about how you can bring this experience with you. Not only as you go into the march but as each day passes things will happen that you won’t like that will affect your life potentially in negative ways. There may be trying and difficult times ahead. And there’s so much that we don’t have control over, but what we do have control over is how we show up, how in each moment of our lives, we decide to be. We decide whether we’re coming from a place of fear or faith, from a place of hate or love, from a place of kindness or confusion, from a place of disconnection or a place of connection. And so know that what ever lies ahead, you have this choice you have this power within you. This great profound power you get to choose how you are in the world.

So I stand with you. And I stand with all of us as we choose to go forward. And to come from a place of love.

Stefanie Goldstein is a teacher for Meditation Studio, featured as one Apple’s 10 best apps of the year. You can hear more of her meditations by downloading the app here.

A Loving-Kindness Meditation to Cultivate Resilience

Pink Brains, Blue Brains

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How to Be Mindful With a Snack

1) Choose a time when you would normally eat a meal or a snack. Practice bringing kindness to yourself, mindful openness and curiosity to the practice of mindful eating.

2) Before eating, bring awareness to your body and your breathing. Let your belly be soft and full. Take three full deep breaths. Let the breath relax you and help you settle into the present moment. Start by checking in to see how hungry you are. Explore what hunger feels like in the belly, noticing its pleasant and unpleasant qualities. Notice the sensations in the mouth and in the belly that occur with the mere thought of eating.

3) If you haven’t chosen food to eat yet, check in to see what would taste good right now. Can you get a sense of what the body would like to eat, or what tastes would be pleasing to you? Once you have your food in front of you, take some time to assess it. What does it look like? What is the color and shape? Where did it come from? How nourishing do you think it is? What does it smell like? Acknowledge the importance of food for your body’s health.

If you eat more than enough, or feel too full, know that you have not blown it, but that you are simply now aware of this fullness. It takes time to learn new ways of eating. Every time you eat is a time to practice again.

4) When you eat, can you take your time? You can slow down by chewing your food thoroughly and by putting down your fork or spoon between bites. Watch any distractions or thoughts, let them come and go. Keep coming back to the sensations involved in eating and tasting.

5) As you eat, notice whether you are enjoying the food or not. Focus on the sensations of taste—sweet, sour, salty, pungent. Keep coming back to the taste of your food. If you notice you aren’t enjoying it, can you stop eating? If you enjoy it, how present are you for the pleasure of the experience. Savor your food.

6) Throughout the meal, notice how your hunger level moves toward feeling satisfied. Particularly half-way through, stop and assess where your hunger level is again. If you’re hungry, continue to eat. But if you notice a sense of satisfaction, stop. Notice if it is difficult to stop at this point and inquire as to why. Give yourself permission to stop, even if there is some food left on the plate. Remind yourself that you can always have more later.

7) What thoughts and emotions are present as you eat and as you decide to stop? What beliefs and stories do you tell yourself about food and eating?

8) Be present for the last bite as fully as you were for the first bite. And if you eat more than enough, or feel too full, know that you have not blown it, but that you are simply now aware of this fullness. It takes time to learn new ways of eating. Every time you eat is a time to practice again.

The Center for Mindful Eating will be holding their annual International Mindful Eating Day on January 26, 2017. To learn more and complete your free registration, visit: http://thecenterformindfuleating.org/Mindful-Eating-Day-2017

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What to Do When You Feel Stuck in Negative Emotions

We’ve all been there: A strong emotion like anger or fear sucks us in and suddenly we can’t seem to control the things we say or do, hurting ourselves and those around us.

“We act like wind-up toys, repeatedly bumping into the same walls, never realizing there may be an open door just to our left or our right,” writes Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, in Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life.

Negative emotions can be clues to our deepest values, and the ways in which we may have gotten off track.

Her book is a guide to life’s trickiest emotions: not how to avoid them but how to learn to move through them. If we have the courage to do this, she argues, we will cultivate deeper relationships and a more authentic life.

4 Commons Ways We Get Stuck

When we get stuck—i.e., held in thrall of a particularly nasty feeling—there are a few common culprits, writes David.

• Monkey mind: We’ve spiraled off into a cascade of regret about the past, worry about the future, or judgments about ourselves.
• Old ideas: We’re repeating old thoughts and behaviors that no longer fit the current reality, like “I always choke in important situations” or “I’m not good enough for him.”
• Righteousness: Our need to be right leads to conflict with others, rather than forgiveness and understanding.
• Blaming thoughts for behaviors: Because we think certain things—“I always choke”—we feel compelled to take certain actions, like avoiding public speaking. We fail to recognize that we could choose a different path.

The way we cope with negative feelings often serves to keep us stuck. Some of us bottle our emotions, trying to ignore them and soldier on. In the process, we end up stressing out the people around us and may find those feelings “leaking out” in other ways: anger at a cashier, for example, when our real anger is directed toward someone else.

In contrast to bottlers, brooders rehash feelings over and over in their heads, not generating productive insights but simply reliving the pain. Brooders can become very self-focused, writes David, and they may start to judge and blame themselves for their feelings.

Finally, sometimes inspired by the self-help industry, many of us respond to negative emotions by forcing ourselves to be positive. “This isn’t such a big deal,” we might tell ourselves, or “I should feel grateful for everything I have.” Yet trying to reason away our negative emotions and feel good all the time can be detrimental to our mental health.

David calls these unhealthy responses being “hooked.” The feelings have snagged us, in one way or another: We aren’t aware of them yet they’re influencing our behavior; we’re completely drowning in them; or we’re constantly fighting them off in order to stay chipper.

How to Cultivate Emotional Agility

To get unhooked, we first have to acknowledge the hook—in other words, to be mindful and accepting of our feelings, David explains. In one study, for example, researchers found that smokers were more successful at quitting after participating in a program based on accepting, observing, and detaching from their cravings.
Other research shows that people with alexithymia—who cannot put their feelings into words—have poorer mental health, less satisfying jobs and relationships, and more aches and pains. And naming your feelings isn’t as simple as saying “I’m stressed,” explains David; often, underlying such generic feelings are more uncomfortable emotions like frustration or hopelessness.

The point of identifying these feelings is not to beat ourselves up, though. In fact, if we want to make improvements in the future, the best approach is self-compassion. With the clarity it brings, we can try to understand what the feelings are telling us—what we can learn about our desires, boundaries, or needs.

David recounts a time when she was traveling for work and, alone in a fancy hotel room, began to feel guilty for leaving her family. Rather than getting hooked by the guilt and smothering her feelings with five-star room service, she instead chose to pause and learn from it: to remind herself how much she values time with her loved ones, and to recommit to prioritizing them.

In one coaching exercise, David invites a group of participants to write their deepest insecurities on a name tag—“I’m boring” or “I’m unlovable”—and introduce themselves to everyone else, as if at a party. Somehow, putting our feelings into words gives them less power.

One way to get some perspective on a difficult feeling is to use language—to say, “I’m having the thought that…I’m a bad mother” or “I’m having the emotion of…shame.” In one coaching exercise, David invites a group of participants to write their deepest insecurities on a name tag—“I’m boring” or “I’m unlovable”—and introduce themselves to everyone else, as if at a party. Somehow, putting our feelings into words gives them less power.

Looking at our predicament from another person’s perspective is another way to gain some distance. For example, what would my friends think? They probably wouldn’t say you’re an incompetent employee and a poor excuse for a spouse. Eventually, by sitting with our feelings in this way, they may pass—along with the fatalistic stories we’ve concocted in our heads. That doesn’t mean they won’t ever return, but we’ll be more prepared if they do.

Emotional agility sets us up to thrive in life, David argues. Negative emotions can be clues to our deepest values, and the ways in which we may have gotten off track. Loneliness reminds us to make time for our relationships, for example, and anxiety might mean we’ve taken on too many projects. Once we’ve identified these inconsistencies, we can make small course corrections to point us in the right direction: setting up a weekly dinner with friends, for example, or deciding to say no to commitments in the near future.

If you’re familiar with mindfulness research, parts of David’s book will probably sound familiar. But where she adds value is in the step-by-step explanation of what to do in those mindless moments of pain that we all know too well. Eventually, we can honor our feelings but not be ruled by them.

“[Emotional agility] is about choosing how you’ll respond to your emotional warning system,” writes David. “[It’s] about loosening up, calming down, and living with more intention.”

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

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How Prisoners Practice Mindfulness Amidst Chaos

A maximum security prison isn’t the most supportive place to take up mindfulness practice. The places are always noisy with ambient sounds that include talking, yelling, chains rattling, doors banging…even through the night. In addition, prison schedules don’t adapt to the needs of individual inmates, and cellmates might belittle the practice, making it difficult for an inmate to find 20 undisturbed minutes to sit and follow the breath.

At Folsom Prison in California, I teach a variety of mindfulness practices that have evolved to enable enough flexibility for the men I work with to develop the practice and cultivate what mindful awareness they can.

One of the most successful practices is what I call the Three-Breath Trip. It’s a practice the men can do any time, anywhere, without adopting a meditation posture or even closing the eyes. Here’s how it’s done:

The Three-Breath Trip

• Anchor your moment. Any time, anywhere when you remember to do it, bring your attention to the internal sensations of three consecutive breaths.
• Shift your focus away from the external. Because this isn’t taking place in a quiet setting where the body is still, you will need to take the primary focus of your attention from whatever activity you are in the midst of and feel the physical sensations of breath expanding and contracting. You can feel this in your torso (your chest and belly), in your nose as the air moves in and out of your nostrils, even the sound of the air moving in and out can be an anchor. (Don’t try this while changing lanes in heavy traffic!)
• Let your breathing flow naturally. Since the body is always breathing on its own, let the body do what it does naturally and simply observe/feel what is already happening — breathing — for three consecutive breaths.
• Check in, but don’t lose yourself in your surroundings. You don’t need to lose track of what is going on around you, but if you keep as much of your attention on the feeling of the breath as possible, there is an opportunity for each successive breath to become increasingly more vivid.
• Take note of how you felt. After the third breath, you can resume your ongoing activity and take note of whatever change has occurred in your experience.

How the Three-Breath Trip Changed Mindfulness Practice for Prisoners

The first time I proposed this practice to a group of men, I suggested they try it three or four times a day, if they could. When I returned a week later, one of the men reported that he’d been doing it 50-60 times a day. It turns out that every time there was a commercial break on the TV he would take the Three-Breath Trip.

It was invisible to his cellmate, and didn’t require any setup. He said he found the third breath to be particularly sweet. Weeks later this had become his primary practice, and he had decided to pursue the practice more seriously because he was seeing noticeable effects in his daily life.

One of the benefits of this off-the-cushion practice is that it doesn’t separate meditation from day-to-day living. Coming back to the breath dozens of times during the day is coming back to the present moment throughout the day. The men who practice the Three-Breath Trip have found that it provides them with substantial benefit in a challenging environment.

One of the benefits of this off-the-cushion practice is that it doesn’t separate meditation from day-to-day living.

Their experience has inspired me to make greater use of the Three-Breath Trip myself. Now, when I stop at a red light, step into an elevator, or grasp my front door knob on my way out in the morning—and any other time it crosses my mind during the day—I bring my attention to the feeling of my breathing. I don’t change my posture, interrupt my movement or close my eyes.

The Three-Breath Trip can be a powerful adjunct to regular meditation practice or, as some of the men have found, it can constitute a full practice in itself.

I’m certainly not making a case for the Three-Breath Trip being what mindfulness should be, but I am coming back to the present more often than before, and there’s increasingly less distinction between meditation and my day-to-day living.

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Dissolving Trance with RAIN - Tara Brach

Dissolving Trance with RAIN ~

One of the pervasive expressions of trance is identifying with a limited and separate sense of self.  This talk contrasts the self-trance to our intrinsically open, awake and loving awareness. We then explore how the mindfulness and self-compassion in the RAIN practice can directly dissolve trance and reconnect us to our true nature.

photo: JonathanFoust.com

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5 Questions to Keep Your Meditation Practice Going

Elisha Goldstein spoke with Patricia Karpas on the Untangle podcast. Below is an abbreviated transcription of their conversation. 

1) Why is it so difficult to keep a meditation practice going?

Elisha Goldstein: That’s a perennial question that has to do with all of the things, whether it’s exercise, eating right, or not being a rage-aholic on the freeway, or a meditation practice, or any of this. The thing is, years ago, we all lived in clans—some cultures still do in some areas. We live in this delusional space a bit where we think we’re separate from our environments, and we walk around thinking, “If I just pull myself up by my bootstraps and really dig deep, I’m going to be able to create this new habit,” which some people might be able to, but the way it works is we’re actually quite in relationship all the time with our environment, and our environment, the environment around us, for most of us, doesn’t support sticking to a certain habit for your own health and well-being.

In fact, it’s in some ways the opposite. Most of the messages we get around us is, “What’s wrong with us?” and what we need more of to be happy. That keeps our economy growing. We don’t have a community of people around us for the most part, because they’re also in this trance of needing more and more to be happy. We need community like in the olden gays of people that are saying, “I”m doing this thing,” which cues us to do that thing as well. That’s really hard right now.

[…] Really what we need is, we need community. We need connection. We need cues around us in our environment that lend us implicitly and automatically towards these new types of behaviors that we want for ourselves. People are the best cues we can possibly get. In other words, I always say to people, “If you’re standing in the middle of a circle and everyone around you cares about you and understands you and is supporting you to doing the things that you want to do in this world, how does that make you feel?” A lot of people say, “I feel safe. I feel accepted. I feel more motivated to do these types of things.”

When we’re having a difficult moment in time, we’re more likely to access those memories of stability that we’ve been practicing.

That’s our biggest crux in our culture right now. To me it’s our biggest growth area is recreating an opportunity to allow more accessibility to mentorship for people to do the things they want to do. For example, I have a practice in therapy and teach people meditation, and everyone’s always able to make their appointments for the most part, but to do it in their daily life is really tough, so more accessible mentorship, more friends and community around you that are doing similar things that you’re doing, so automatically cue you to be accountable for these new changes you want to do in your world. I think that would make a gigantic difference, unparalleled.

Patricia Karpas: I feel like a lot of people think they do have communities around them. They have their families. They have their friends, but I think what you’re saying is you’re not always getting the cues that you need to really grow.

EG: I’m saying if you want to create a meditation practice, let’s say, mindfulness, let’s say, is a huge thing in our culture right now, yoga first and then mindfulness. All this new science that’s come out in the past fifteen years saying it changes your brain for the better and it leads to reducing your blood pressure and a variety of different ways of feeling healthy, reduction and relapse prevention for depression, anxiety, stress, these different things, but without continuity of practice, here’s the part that we also miss out on, the media doesn’t really catch this either because everyone wants just snippets, and without continuity of some form of practice, it doesn’t have to be some major long thirty minute a day practice, just some continuity of practice, those changes aren’t going to happen. We might have family around us or we might have friends around us, but those family and friends aren’t necessarily into this type of stuff.

They might just be people we’ve had in our lives forever who are supportive to us, but if we want to say, “I really want to take this meditation thing to the next level and create a regular practice,” that’s not necessarily something that your family and friends are going to cue you to do. If you want to be cued to do that, if you want the optimal opportunity, then I would suggest taking the Alcoholics Anonymous model in some way and saying, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The wisdom to know the difference is, I can create this practice of exercise, or of meditation, or these different things in my life, but I also have to understand that habitually in my life I have this habit of starting something and stopping something or not continuing with it regularly, and that’s just part of my constitution. I can change that, but it’s going to be a whole lot more supportive if I have people around me that I know that are doing the same thing, and I’m connecting with those people, I’m going to be automatically and implicitly cued to move in that direction. It’s just noticing what is helpful to us and accepting that we don’t have to just do it all on our own and to optimize our environment, and that will help.

PK: Really, if we’re really narrowing it down, it’s you really should have like-minded people around you to support the changes that you choose to make in your life, and that will make it so much easier.

EG: And the mentorship—like-minded people. I think mentorship is important because like-minded people can be enough. That would be a huge cue, just to have that alone. If you have someone to ask questions to that’s been around the block before, I guess, they’ll be able to provide you with some insight that may arouse you to go to that next level or move past that obstacle that’s inevitable. One of the teachers or people that I really love her work is this woman, Carol Dweck, out of Stanford. Maybe we’ll get her on this podcast. She’s written and done a lot of research around different mindsets. One of the things that I love about her is she said, “Some people have a fixed mindset, and some people have something called a growth mindset.” A fixed mindset is something that says, “I have certain abilities and that’s about it. Every time I fail at a certain task, it’s just a reinforcement of what I can’t really do.”

That’s associated with people who have high anxiety and depression, and I mean more like recurrent depression. This isn’t a mindset that just sticks with you always, but it can come in and out. There’s the growth mindset, which says this, and this is really important because this speaks to exactly what we’re talking about around making changes, which is that obstacles in life are inevitable. We’re always going to have something that’s going to run up against us and say, “Okay, you can’t do this right,” or, “This is too hard,” or something like that. The learning mindset, or what she calls the growth mindset, says, “Obstacles are things to continue to try and learn from, and engage from, or create insight from,” and then you can begin again from this place of understanding what this obstacle was and how to move around it more the next time or continue to experiment with it.

You continue to grow and grow and grow that way. I think these types of things that we’re talking about around having people around us, these like-minded people as you said, and then also mentors who have been around the block before or maybe been trained in this particular thing that you want to change, is going to be incredibly impactful towards actually making the changes we want to make and sustaining a practice in whatever you want to do, whether it’s engineering, or whether it’s exercise, or whether it’s meditation, or any of that type of stuff. Those two things, that like-minded people and that mentorship, is something that our culture needs to really learn to get better and better at.

2) What does it take to train our minds to do new things? How can we really make big transformative changes?

EG: If I was to say the simplest thing to do that can be a shift in mindset that’s quicker than taking a selfie maybe is adopting a really curious mindset towards things, because when we want to … Novelty, by the way, trying new things is associated with positive brain change, and it’s also associated with various aspects of well-being. In order to even open up our mind to try new things, which I think is the first part of your question, we have to adopt a beginner’s mind. You’ve heard this term before, maybe many listeners have as well, but Dogen Zenji said, “In the beginner’s mind, the possibilities are endless, and in the expert’s mind, the possibilities are few.”

We want to adopt a curious mindset towards things. We might say, “I know this is how this is going to go,” or, “Meditation, that’s not for me,” or, “Exercise in this way, that’s not for me.” We might want to say, “Okay, let me try this again from this point in my life, and be curious about when I do engage this stuff, what do I notice in my experience.” I think that’s one part about it of how we train our minds. We first have to break open our mind to be open to trying new things, and that’s adopting a beginner’s mind. In order to make really big transformative changes, we need that and we need a bit of grit, I would say.

PK: What do you mean by that? I was thinking you were going to say practice, so you need the curiosity and then you need to practice, so you need to repeat something over and over again, but what do you mean by grit?

EG: Grit says that, “I understand that some things are going to be hard, and I also know that I’m in this for the long haul and that I’m going to move through these difficulties, and there’s different ways to move through them.” There’s a way that a lot of people do, which is they grit their teeth to get through it, which is not the kind of grit I’m talking about. There’s a way of bringing a bit more self-compassion into the process, seeing the whole journey of how there’s going to be ups and downs to it, and when there’s downs and fear is there or discomfort is there, difficulty is there, I can name that. That’s that moment of mindfulness. When I name it, I get a little bit of space from it.

I can also recognize that wow, this is a really difficult moment. I anticipated that there’s going to be difficult moments. Everyone has difficult moments when they’re trying to make the big changes in their lives. It’s just a part of being human. There’s a common humanity to it. What do I need right now in order to support myself in moving through this? That type of self-compassion practice builds into having grit and continuity of practice is, to me, a recipe for setting yourself up for success, for making big transformative changes.

3) How do you find a good teacher or mentor?

EG: I feel like back in the day, certainly before my lifetime and yours, way back when, there were mentors that were really accessible. You were part of a community, and there was mentors in that community. When it comes to meditation in particular … This course is called A Course in Mindful Living, and what I’ve noticed in the past fifteen, twenty years with this real rise in science around mindfulness and all these programs coming out, six to eight week programs coming out, and me having taught these programs for the past ten years or more, I’ve found that people often come out having felt like they got something out of this program, whether it’s Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), or Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), or a variety of different programs. They say, “Okay, now what,” or, “Where do I go now?”

The science showed that then their practice falls away because the community is gone, the mentorship is gone. What I thought would be really fantastic was to give people a longer period of time to actually integrate this work. For example, in traditional mindfulness-based programs that are out there, there’s not really the time and space to learn some of the fundamentals that really help you sustain your practice, which is learning how to be more relaxed, learning how to train your nervous system to untangle from the frenetic-ness that’s been conditioned from the culture that we live in right now. When we have a more relaxed nervous system, our brain is more receptive to learning and then to how to create stability of mind.

You and I know, and everyone who’s listening to this, or for most of us who’s listening to it, we’ve been trained, as Linda Stone’s talked about, in this continuous partial attention. It’s hard for a lot of people to really get through books nowadays because we’re more conditioned, just we practiced and repeated over time reading more small snippets of things, and that’s the kind of brain that we’ve been conditioning. To be able to have a more relaxed mind and train more of a stability of attention will help us in anything that we’re doing, again, whether it’s surfing, or learning about mountain biking, or exercise, or meditation, or anything. These kind of things, we really begin to train. That’s just some of the content that’s important, but the biggest part is creating a worldwide faculty of people that are accessible, trained teachers that are certified to be mentors to people all over the world.

4) We talked a little bit about creating stability in difficult. It’s one thing to learn it, but when you’re in that moment of grief or a work crisis, or you’ve just broken up in a relationship, how do you find your ground, your stability?

EG: There’s only a couple things we can really do in life. The main thing is really preparing. The learning aspect is this aspect of preparing for, in some ways, those difficult moments. That’s really quite an important piece. When we’re having a difficult moment in time, we’re more likely to access those memories of stability that we’ve been practicing. As an example, whether that’s settling into your body with, let’s say, a mountain meditation, like we have a meditation studio, and practicing that regularly so you really have a sense in your body of this stability. During a difficult moment, if you’re practicing something like that regularly, you’re more likely to access it even during that time of grief and come into your body.

The body’s the first place that I always tell people to go to, as far as creating stability, because what you’re doing is as you’re sensing in your body, and there’s plenty of science that backs this up, you’re creating a neuro-shift in your brain that’s moving from the mind that’s thinking and self-referencing all the time to the part that’s accessing your body and your emotions. You’re turning the volume down in your thinking and coming to be with what’s here. Even in the first part of A Course of Mindful Living, one of the very first practices that we learn is noticing when your body is bracing because then your mind is really thinking and moving around, and learning how to be aware of that and softening that again and again and again. Your brain gets more used to that, and it becomes more of implicit memory, which means it happens automatically.

5) How can meditation help us in the world? How do we truly come to understand and accept our differences and radically accept them?

EG: Rick Hansen and I were giving a talk at UCLA, and we were talking about what it’s going to take to move the needle with world peace and get people to come together more. I’ll just say this without trying to get too grandiose. I think that Thich Nhat Hanh, one of my favorite teachers said, “Peace in oneself, peace in the world.” Obviously it starts with us. What I know is that when we do create more sense of ease and peace and grounding within ourselves individually, there’s a reality around emotional contagion, which means that the emotions that we cultivate within ourselves, the sense that we cultivate in ourselves, seem to have ripple effects across people at least, the science shows, up to three degrees.

This is science by Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, that have found that obesity is contagious up to three degrees, loneliness and happiness. All those three things are contagious up to three degrees. We know this in our own lives because when we’re feeling really angry or people around us are feeling that way, you feel it in your body, and you start to hold that energy. It starts with us doing this, and so that’s why I’m trying to create this worldwide network of mentorship and communities, surrounding and support each other within these types of practices so that they can really integrate this in a more enduring way, and that then has ripple effects across the people in the communities around them. Now, that’s the first thing, doing with ourselves and understanding how emotional contagion works.

I think the other piece is … Walking around here, just a quick experiment to try out, and I integrate this in a number of the writings that I’ve done over time, is to walk around and notice people who you do feel different from, or if you’re reading something and you feel really different from … For me, and I’ll out myself, I’m not a huge Donald Trump supporter. It’s really tough for me to see the way that … He’s a role model for my children, being someone that’s such a high political figure and the things that he says. People have their differences, who are listening to this call, and that’s okay. I’m going to connect with you without losing my identity. I can look at him and I can say to myself as an experiment, “Just like me. Donald Trump, just like me,” and see what comes up.

Here’s a human being that wants the same things fundamentally as I do. He wants to feel cared about. He wants to feel understood. He wants to feel a sense of belonging. He may go about it in different ways than I do, but fundamentally, this is what this man wants, and so, “Just like me.” I feel into that as I say that, and so it creates a certain level of connection underneath all the turbulent waters, that I would say are happening when I think about him, is this sense of connection that’s there. Here’s a human being. There is a common humanity in our relationship. I say to people, “Start that practice as an experiment with people who you don’t feel tremendous energy around but who you feel slightly different from, and then move it down, move it down, move it down, little by little, to people who you feel more and more different from. Just see what you notice.”

I think that’s really one way of creating connection where there’s more implicit disconnection or explicit disconnection, is just by playing with that practice. The one thing is starting with you, digging down to communities, mentorship, creating a people-changing around the world, and then emotional contagion, allowing the ripple effects to move. I know that’s going to take time and maybe take five hundred years or more to happen, who knows, but then there’s also the simple practice that we can do day to day, which is just walking around and just saying, “Just like me,” or making a list of people you feel different from, and everyone who’s really from least activating to most activating, start with the least activating person, and just play with that. Experiment, and just see what you notice.

 

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