Friday 31 May 2019

Forgiveness: Releasing Ourselves and Others from Aversive Blame – Part 3


Rumi invites us to find the barriers we’ve erected against love, and a universal one is blame. These three talks are an invitation to relax those barriers, and to open our hearts to our inner life and to all beings. Part I focuses on chronic self-judgment; Part 2 on the places of deep self-condemnation, and Part 3 on where we have locked into anger, blame or hatred of others. Each includes guided reflections that can support us in directly awakening beyond the confining thoughts and feelings of blame.

We forgive for the freedom of our hearts…

Listen to Part 1 here: Forgiveness: Releasing Ourselves and Others from Aversive Blame – Part 1

Listen to Part 2 here: Forgiveness: Releasing Ourselves and Others from Aversive Blame – Part 2

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A Beginner’s Loving-Kindness Practice

Thursday 30 May 2019

Meditation: Opening to Life (20:49 min.)


This guided meditation includes a mindful body scan, and awakening all our senses to our moment to moment experience. We relax open to the presence that is unobscured by thoughts, letting life be just as it is.

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How to Create a Glitter Jar for Kids

Tuesday 28 May 2019

Can Mindfulness Treat Chronic Back Pain?

If you’ve ever had back pain, you know it’s one of the worst kinds of pain to have. Chronic low back pain affects millions globally and is often very hard to treat. In many cases, it can be debilitating. Pain drugs like opioids were cavalierly prescribed for back pain in the past, leading many down the difficult road of addiction and seeding an opioid overdose crisis in the US. Now, more and more physicians and patients are seeking alternative ways to manage and treat chronic pain. A study at the University of Queensland in Australia may have found one solution – Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT).

MBCT combines the best of standard cognitive therapy, which helps people become aware of negative thought patterns and behaviors, with mindfulness-based strategies, which help people form a new relationship to thoughts and behaviors. MBCT consists of guided meditations and breathing practices, mindful movements like walking, and exercises aimed at understanding the stress-pain connection and identifying automatic thoughts that intensify pain. Through MBCT your learn to train the mind to identify and interrupt automatic thoughts, feelings, and reactions to pain and build a new relationship with discomfort.

Studying MBCT for Chronic Pain

To pilot test whether MBCT was better at relieving chronic low back pain than other commonly used therapy approaches, researchers had 23 people attend MBCT classes, while another 23 received mindfulness meditation training and 23 more underwent cognitive therapy. Those who didn’t receive MBCT were given the option to try it once the study was over.

Everyone received 8 weeks of instruction and were asked to do at-home practices for 45 minutes per day, 6 days a week. Their pain experiences, mood, physical functioning, and medication use were evaluated immediately after training, and 3 and 6 months later.

Following training, participants in all three groups reported significant results:

  • Decreased pain interference, which is the degree to which pain interferes with functioning
  • Decreased pain intensity
  • Decreased feelings of depression
  • Improved physical function

Improvements in pain interference over time were greater in the MBCT group than in the cognitive therapy or mindfulness groups alone. For physical functioning, both the MBCT and cognitive therapy groups showed more improvement over time than adults in the mindfulness meditation group.

Improvements in pain interference over time were greater in the MBCT group than in the cognitive therapy or mindfulness groups alone.

Researchers also checked to see if opioid use might differ for those who’d received MBCT training versus cognitive therapy or mindfulness meditation instruction. There were no significant differences by therapy type in opioid medication use from before treatment (48%) to after treatment (43%) or 6 months later.

Results from the study build on prior research finding that mindfulness-based approaches may be effective for pain management. Authors of the study note that the “three treatments investigated in this trial are designed to be empowering interventions that teach specific, long-lasting skills that patients can continue to use after treatment completion to maintain and even build upon gains made during treatment.”

These study findings also reveal that what works best for pain may depend on the individual. For some, cognitive therapies may be more fitting, empowering and effective, while others may gain more from meditation, or a combination of mindfulness principles and cognitive therapy.

Regardless of the approach, this study holds promise for those seeking to alleviate chronic low back pain using an alternative to pain medication.

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Friday 24 May 2019

Trusting the Gold (retreat talk)


This talk looks at how our upbringing and culture lead us to mistrust who we are and become identified as a separate, deficient self.  We then explore the practices of presence and self-inquiry that turn us toward the openness, tenderness and wakefulness of our Being. Our trust grows as we increasingly glimpse, embody and live from our natural Being.

NOTE: This talk was given at the Spring 2019 IMCW 7-day Silent Retreat.

Adrift

Everything is beautiful and I am so sad.
This is how the heart makes a duet of
wonder and grief. The light spraying
through the lace of the fern is as delicate
as the fibers of memory forming their web
around the knot in my throat. The breeze
makes the birds move from branch to branch
as this ache makes me look for those I’ve lost
in the next room, in the next song, in the laugh
of the next stranger. In the very center, under
it all, what we have that no one can take
away and all that we’ve lost face each other.
It is there that I’m adrift, feeling punctured
by a holiness that exists inside everything.
I am so sad and everything is beautiful.

~ Mark Nepo
From Inside the Miracle: Enduring Suffering, Approaching Wholeness, (Sounds True, 2016)

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How to Make Your Morning Routine More Mindful

Thursday 23 May 2019

Meditation: RAIN on Self-Blame (9:45 min.)


One of the greatest roots of suffering is being at war with ourselves. This meditation, based on the acronym RAIN (recognize-allow-investigate-nurture), guides us in releasing the armoring of blame, and relating to our inner life with greater understanding and compassion.

“Letting yourself sense the space of kindness and presence that can arise that can hold what’s there. And you might ask yourself, “Who would you be if you trusted your goodness? Who would you be if you sensed there is nothing really wrong? How would your life be if you were without anxiety about non-perfection, if you basically trusted okayness?”

Listen to the full talk here: Forgiveness: Releasing Ourselves and Others from Aversive Blame – Part 1

More Resources on RAIN here.

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Three Tennis Lessons to Bring to Your Mindfulness Practice

Success in tennis is based on a simple principle: The present is all that matters. It sounds easy, except it’s not. A Harvard study showed that the brain likes to wander 47 percent of the time, and when it does, it doesn’t usually lead to happy thoughts.

Part of the challenge is that the brain is built to scan for danger. It’s the oncoming bus or runaway bear – a necessary survival skill, which we carry with us into everything we do. “We’re in vigilance mode all the time,” says Jeff Bostic, M.D., psychiatrist at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital. It’s a hard thing to shut off.

This week the French Open begins. The best players in the world will make inconceivable winners and also dump easy put-aways into the net. The prize money and crowd size might be larger, but for anyone picking up a racquet, the challenge is the same of how to stay “in the moment”. Fundamentally, it’s about quieting your mind. Settling all of the busy thoughts in your head. “You’re getting rid of the noise,” Bostic says. And, just like anything else, it takes practice.

Fundamentally, it’s about quieting your mind. Settling all of the busy thoughts in your head.

That’s why tennis players might be some of the most mindful athletes on the planet. Think about it: There’s an opponent who’s trying to disrupt you, an audience trying to distract you, and the excitement of a fast-paced match where focus is the name of the game. At the BNP Paribas Open in March, Serena Williams faced Victoria Azarenka, an atypical second round face-off of Grand Slam winners and former No. 1s. It was tight, and Williams won 7-6, 6-3. Afterwards she said, “You can’t really enjoy it, because then you’ll lose focus. You’ve got to kind of stay in the moment.”

Three Lessons from Tennis to Bring to your Mindfulness Practice

These three approaches and tactics can help you achieve and maintain focus:

1. Check your expectations.

You can walk into a tennis match confident that you’ll win every point, but that idea has to co-exist with the fact that a satisfying win comes against an equal or slightly better opponent. You could play your best and still lose—and the same is true of all things in life. That reality can frustrate you, creating a devolving loop of inner turmoil that will cause you to lose composure. In tennis, realistically embracing your challenges can lower your stress and ultimately help you improve your game, Bostic says. It’s good advice to practice off the court, as well.

2. Choose where you place your focus.

In tennis, it’s easy to watch your opponent, but that’s not your best focus point. Instead, watch the ball come off your opponent’s strings, says Chris Evert, ESPN tennis analyst. This keeps your concentration high, in real time, and you’ll learn to identify the direction and spin. You’ll be in control. React once the ball crosses the net, and it’s too late. Likewise, finding the right focal point for your meditation practice (your breath? your body?) can help you learn to choose where you place your focus, so you can learn to respond rather than react.

3. Create rituals and stick to them.

Three bounces of the ball. Two little hops before a return. One word—reach, jump—to activate your muscle memory. The simpler your routines are the better, Bostic says. The consistency keeps you from thinking about the score, keeps you in the moment, keeps you from trying to be heroic and stretching beyond what you’re ready for. When we create a routine for our meditation practice, we’re not trying to be the best meditators, we’re trying to be more intentional human beings. The more we activate the intentional brain, the stronger it gets.

None of this guarantees victory. Results aren’t really controllable, because change is constant and what worked today might not work tomorrow. But, if you can maintain your focus, if you can hone your intentional mind, you can enjoy the game, the problem-solving, going from Plan A to B to C—not only in sport, but also in life. You can then walk off the court (or away from your meditation cushion) and see what you did well, and what you have to work on.

It’s not singularly about a loss, but about a more comprehensive picture. “It’s fine to be serious and want to win. That’s why you play,” Bostic says. “But you want to balance it with learning from the match, because this is not survival. You’ll get to play hundreds of times.”

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Wednesday 22 May 2019

Five Ways to Cultivate Courage

Courage is the savior that marches alongside us when fear shows up. It can inspire bursts of boldness that help us speak our minds, follow our hearts, and bare our souls to others. Without it, we can’t grow or thrive.

Sometimes we get caught up in the mistaken notion that being courageous means overcoming fear. But courage isn’t looking past fear; it’s recognizing and even embracing it. Recently I’ve witnessed this seeming paradox in families affected by the unspeakable trauma of losing a child to a mass shooting.

Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s being scared, worried, unsure, and ready to run, and yet still finding a way to do what you really want to do, what others need you to do, or what you believe is right—despite all that fear.

Here are a few tips that help me cultivate courage:

1. Make fear your friend

Stop blaming fear for stopping you and recognize the strange paradox that exists: Your fears will never completely disappear, and you will never win the battle against them. When you can finally accept fears and invite them in, it makes courage more accessible.

2. Embrace courage as a mindful response to fear

Fears are necessary—they can propel us to new heights if we choose to respond to them mindfully instead of react to them blindly. Doing this allows us to become bigger than our fears and act thoughtfully despite them. If you use your meditation practice to help resist the default fight-or-flight response, you’ll likely feel your courage rising up in the silent pauses.

3. Choose to be bold by simply committing to action

Even if you don’t believe (yet!) that you will take the steps necessary, announce (to yourself, to others) that you are committed to taking action. By speaking it, owning it, and having others hold you accountable and inviting them to lift you in support, you will eventually work up the courage to act on this bold commitment. The first step is not actually taking action, it’s setting the intention to act.

4. Be vulnerable

It leads to courage. Sharing your fears and anxieties with others can make them seem far less scary and insurmountable. You’ll soon realize you’re not alone, and once you feel the strength of a community surrounding you and the empathy of others who understand your situation, it’ll be easier to take that leap.

5. Do it for others

The struggles of friends and loved ones, or the challenges faced by communities in crisis, present opportunities to show up and be brave in entirely unselfish ways. Sometimes that’s what it takes to find our courage. When our actions impact more than our own lives, the ripple effect, including inspiring others to move to action, can provide us with a great sense of empowerment.

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US Doctors Are Turning to Mindfulness to Help Heal Healthcare

When we or our family members fall ill, we rely on caring doctors, nurses, EMTs and other caregivers to help us through tough times. But at this moment, these caregivers need our help.

Today, record levels of medical professionals report symptoms of burnout and emotional exhaustion—up to 78 percent of physicians, according to a 2018 survey. At the beginning of this year, the Harvard School of Public Health along with other eminent health organizations declared physician burnout a “public health crisis.”

It’s time to heal the healers.

Starting on Thursday, Mindful has partnered with The Awake Network to create the Mindful Healthcare Summit, a free online event  to look at how mindfulness and compassion practices can be applied to relieve caregiver burnout and improve patient care. Leading experts, researchers and healthcare leaders already applying mindfulness will offer practical, evidence-based tools to tens of thousands of medical professionals from around the world.

“This collaboration is incredibly exciting for us,” says Barry Boyce, Editor-in-Chief at Mindful. “We founded Mindful with the mission to help build a more compassionate, caring society, and now we are able to provide these resources to help medical professionals who play such a vital role in our communities.”

Ron Epstein, MD, author of Attending: Mindfulness, Medicine and Humanity and one of the featured speakers in the summit, writes “The magnitude of the problem is staggering. Burnout — emotional exhaustion, often accompanied by cynicism and feeling ineffective — affects more than half of practicing physicians and is on the rise…[I]t compromises not only physicians’ own health and happiness; it also leads to unsafe prescribing practices, overuse of diagnostic tests, compromised patient safety and poor communication with patients and colleagues.”

Mindfulness and compassion practices, while by no means a silver bullet, have proven to be one approach that can help reduce burnout among caregivers and improve patient care.

Mindfulness and compassion practices, while by no means a silver bullet, have proven to be one approach that can help reduce burnout among caregivers and improve patient care.

In 2009, a study of 70 healthcare professionals found that participants were less likely to experience signs of burnout and reported greater sense of personal accomplishment and empathy after participating in a mindfulness training program.

“Mindfulness enables doctors to listen to a patient without judging,” Epstein explains, “to be present, responding to what the patient is saying and feeling and also aware of what they’re feeling.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn, pioneer of mindfulness in medicine and another featured speaker at the summit, says, “Some of the medical science of mindfulness …is showing us some phenomenal things that we have never known before about the brain… about how something that looks like doing nothing from the outside, but which is really cultivating being or non-doing, can actually transform our biology in ways that tilt the system in the direction of health and wellbeing.”

If you know anyone who might benefit from this free event, please share it with them. Help those who have dedicated their lives to helping others.  

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Friday 17 May 2019

Compassion Towards All: Moving toward a Plant Based Diet


For most of human history it’s been “normal” to eat non-human animals. This is now changing. We are awakening to the massive suffering of the billions of animals killed each day for food, the horrors of the animal-food industry, and the impact it has on climate change (second only to fossil fuels.) In this short talk Tara shares her personal story of transitioning to a vegan diet, and invites listeners to investigate, without judgment, their own choices in this domain.

NOTE: this short talk was given at a special class on “Loving Life with a Plant-Based Diet.” Tara was joined by guest speakers, Mark Tercek (The Nature Conservatory) and Brenda Sanders, and hosted by Jonathan Foust. Full video available at Tara’s Facebook page and soon at IMCW.org.

When the animals come to us,
asking for our help,
will we know what they are saying?
When the plants speak to us
in their delicate, beautiful language,
will we be able to answer them?
When the planet herself
sings to us in our dreams,
will we be able to wake ourselves,
and act?

Gary Lawless

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Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety

Thursday 16 May 2019

Meditation: Choosing Living Presence (19:14 min.)


A meditation on being present with our living, breathing life (includes body scan and chanting the Om’s in community – a favorite from Tara’s Wednesday night archives).

Sense the quality of presence with the breath – allowing… intimate… awake…

Letting this presence include whatever experience you’re having in the heart – whatever mood, whatever the state of the heart is right now. So you’re connecting with yourself.

Taking a few moments to come home to what’s going on inside you. With the attention at the heart, sensing what your intention is for tonight. This is a listening in with the quality of real sincerity, touching what matters to you. Recognizing what matters. Letting what matters inform your meditation….

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The Power of Seeing The Whole Picture

Tuesday 14 May 2019

What Makes a Conversation Mindful?

There’s a lot of talk about making workplaces more mindful, but what does that really mean? Mindfulness is more than meditation. It’s just as much about how we communicate with those around us as it is about finding stillness within ourselves.

In the workplace, so much of what we accomplish, particularly as leaders, comes in the form of conversations. And when those conversations can be more mindful, we can develop a kinder, more compassionate culture, while still maintaining high standards of excellence. We can all think of a conversation or two (or five or 10) that we wouldn’t describe as mindful. But what really makes a conversation mindful?

The Benefits of Mindful Conversation

Karen Starns, Head of Advertising and Media Planning at Amazon, has had a 20-year career in technology, an industry where, after long hours under tight deadlines, anyone’s mindfulness could go right out the window.

For Starns, a mindful conversation is an opportunity to open people up to a broader view and take them to an unexpected place. “Having a mindful conversation means considering the whole person you’re engaging with—not just the project they’re leading, or the deliverable they owe you.” Signaling that you’re aware of how the work gets done (not just that it gets done) and how the person is doing helps you make a more positive connection.

Taking the time to “acknowledge an important personal milestone or to offer to juggle workload during a tough time can have an amplifying effect far beyond the situation at hand,” she says.

“Having a mindful conversation means considering the whole person you’re engaging with—not just the project they’re leading, or the deliverable they owe you.”

In other companies mindful communication is ingrained in the culture. At Vera Whole Health in 2008, Chief Visionary Officer Valerie Burlingame set out to build a company that embodies being “present and authentic.”

At Vera, they try to help their employees with “particularly challenging conversations, when there may be some resistance or conflict.” They teach them to search within themselves and identify their own “stories, feelings, and wants so that we can be responsible and aware of what we are bringing into interactions.” She goes on to say that this practice has helped the company be more effective at resolving conflict, and helped to foster an atmosphere of trust in external and internal relationships.

Mindfulness and Leadership

For those in leadership roles, a little bit of attention paid to mindful speaking can go a long way. Lisa Hufford, CEO of Simplicity Consulting, has conversations with nearly 100 consultants and clients each month. Her intention for each conversation is to, “Be aware of my own emotions and potential triggers so that I do not let them lead me.” She also encourages her team to, “Visualize what success looks like for the conversation you want to have before you have it.”

She feels that this approach not only helps to create a positive culture, it also directly affects the bottom line, because, “Mindful communication allows my team to cut through the clutter and the noise that can permeate organizations. Being clear about intentions helps us get to the heart of the issues quickly and unifies the group.”

Regardless of what industry you’re in, what your company values are, or what type of job you have, every one of us can be more mindful at work—especially in our conversations. For starters, you need to be clear about your intent at the outset, consider how you want to express it, choose the right time, and pay attention to what’s going on with the person on the other side of the conversation.

Sounds obvious and easy, right? But when we’re swimming in a sea of busyness, finding time to be intentional about how we enter into conversations can become a low priority. If we’re not careful, we’re practically barking.

Try It Out:

This month, make just one work conversation each day a bit more mindful. Set the intention to be present with the person (or people), get clear on your purpose, and remain engaged throughout the whole exchange. It’s possible to build mindfulness at work, one conversation at a time.

This article also appeared in the February 2015 issue of Mindful magazine.

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Monday 13 May 2019

Three Ways to Help Your Stressed-Out Teenager

Deepen Your Connections and Sense of Belonging

I didn’t fit in at my high school. I yearned for the admiration and embrace of my classmates, but always felt different and distant from them. Among my desperate attempts to fit in was the time I showed up to prom in a dress I hoped would bring me my Cinderella moment, when I would finally feel that I could hang with the cool kids. The reality? The same old me in a monstrosity of wispy mint that left me embarrassed and more alienated than ever. Would I ever belong?

Belonging is complicated. There are many places we can find belonging, that feeling of identifying with and being part of a group that’s bigger than we are: families, clubs, ethnicities, secret societies, political parties, and football teams, to name a few. Feeling that we are part of a wider group can give purpose and meaning to our lives, and research suggests that belonging to a community correlates to better mental and physical health. But even if your sense of belonging is strong in some arenas (say, your book club), what happens when you wind up in a place where you don’t feel you belong (such as, say, your job)?

Today, many of us venture beyond our places of birth and away from our families, carving out lives on our own terms. As a result, we lose access to some of the ready-made forms of belonging that we might have had if we stayed closer to the nest. At the same time, ironically, life appears even more connected thanks to our constant digital companion, the smartphone, with its real-time updates from the diaspora we tap into through social media. 

Maintaining real, deeply personal connections over time and space, however, is hard, and reaching out to make future friends out of strangers isn’t easy for all of us. In our ever-more globalized, mobile world, we risk winding up lonely and disconnected in new and challenging ways. 

Retaining a deeper sense of belonging, no matter where we are, starts with feeling at home within ourselves.

Retaining a deeper sense of belonging, no matter where we are, starts with feeling at home within ourselves. When we know and accept ourselves, we rely less on others to affirm our identity, which in turn allows us to shed some of the insecurities and fears (What if I get rejected? Or say something stupid? Or don’t fit in?) that hold us back from connecting with others. From there we can plant small seeds of belonging, like saying hello to a stranger who looks like they could use a little acknowledgment, or sending a kind note to a colleague. Friendliness helps everyone feel they belong. You never know how those seeds might sprout, grow, and bloom.

Decades after my prom disaster, I was one of a dozen fortunate guests invited to an exclusive retreat at a summer cottage. Most of the women were shy and unknown to one another, and our host graciously arranged activities to help ignite connection and belonging within the group. As the week went on, I didn’t always want to participate. I didn’t want to do yoga. Or dance. Or cook. Or go into town with the gang. Yet I still felt like I belonged. 

Eventually it struck me that, thanks to my mindfulness practice, I belonged in my own skin. This allowed me to feel a sense of belonging with others, in the silences, the laughter, the one-on-one conversations. I belonged to a larger feeling of safety and connection. 

When we are not quite sure if we belong, we might think that we have to dress a certain way, do particular things, or share the right views so we can be part of the water-cooler conversation. But with awareness, we can know that we belong to our own life—exactly as we find it. And our life is woven into the entire fabric of humanity. From there, it might be easier to reach out and say hello.

A Practice to Stop, Be, and Connect

When you find yourself feeling out of sync in your surroundings, or even in your own being, try this practice to bring you back to yourself:

  1. Stop and take note of your emotions.
  2. Be in the moment, noticing the space around you and whatever is unfolding in your presence. You don’t have to fix or change anything. Simply noticing can accomplish
  3. so much.
  4. Connect with your body. Take a few deep breaths and feel what physical sensations arise. Then, use your senses as tentacles to connect with your surroundings. You might see cars passing by, or hear birds chirping—things that link you to the world outside yourself. In this subtle way, you have found belonging

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Friday 10 May 2019

Conscious Prayer – Finding Refuge in Loving Awareness (retreat talk)


Prayer is a communing with our enlarged being. This talk examines less conscious forms of prayer, and how we can evolve the power of our prayers by opening into the depth of our longing, and reaching toward our true belonging (from the 2016 IMCW Spring Retreat).

How I yearn to belong to something, to be contained in an all-embracing mind that sees me as a single thing.
And I yearn to be held in the great hands of your heart.
Oh let them take me now.
Into your hands I place these fragments, my life, and you my God spend them however you want.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke

A Prayer:
Refuse to fall down
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you from lifting your heart
toward heaven
only you.
~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés

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How To Stay Calm Under Pressure

Thursday 9 May 2019

Meditation: Loving This Life – Happiness (a Metta Practice)(16:30 min.)


This meditation turns us toward naturally arising happiness with the image of a smile, welcoming the aliveness and presence of each moment with the spirit of “yes” and then closes with a brief lovingkindness practice.
NOTE: a favorite retreat meditation from the archives.

Lama Gendun Rinpoche writes, “Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but it is already there, in relaxation and letting go.”

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Tuesday 7 May 2019

Finding Space for the Win-Win-Win at Work

Janice Marturano believes so deeply in the power of mindfulness to transform leadership, she once accosted colleagues in the hallway to tell them the good news.

Mindfulness wasn’t always on her leadership-training radar. In the early 2000s Marturano was a “twenty-first-century juggler” living the sandwich-generation nightmare: school-aged children, aging parents, a demanding job at a Fortune 200 company, and a high-stakes assignment overseeing an acquisition. During the eighteen months that assignment took, her parents died—first her mother, who’d been ill, then six months later, her father, who had not.

“I did what most professionals do. We keep going because that’s what we do. We’re still that juggler. We still have children to care for, and spouses, we still have our responsibilities at work, and that particular deal, if I wasn’t able to get that through the FTC, thousands of jobs would be lost, so I carried that as well.”

The deal went through, and when she didn’t bounce back as she thought she should, a friend urged her to spend a week at the spa. Marturano was reluctant, until she visited the facility’s website and saw one of its offerings. “’The power of mindfulness, an intensive retreat for executives and innovators.’ And at that moment, in my very warped brain, I said, well, maybe if it’s intensive, it’s okay to go to a spa.”

Connecting the Dots from Mindfulness to Leadership

It would be a game-changer for Marturano. “I met Jon Kabat Zinn. And that was my introduction to mindfulness.” The spa intensive led to years of practice and study with different teachers, and a deep dive into neuroscience research and the way cultures around the world have used mindfulness. As she studied, Marturano began to notice something. “There was overlap between contemplative practices and training the mind with what had been a passion of mine for decades, which is the development of leadership excellence.”

Once she made that connection she started spreading the word. “I would literally see a colleague in the hallway and say, hey can I tell you about something. And the most common response I got was, ‘Oh, that’s what’s been so different with you these last few years—That’s how you stay calm!’  The nature of the job I was doing, I was always in the middle of the chaos, the heated conversations, the crises. So, my colleagues were like, ‘Okay, I want some of what you’ve got.’

“I would literally see a colleague in the hallway and say, hey can I tell you about something. And the most common response I got was, ‘Oh, that’s what’s been so different with you these last few years—That’s how you stay calm!’

Mindfulness was not mainstream when Marturano started bringing it into her workplace, and leadership and mindfulness were ideas that had not yet been brought together. But Marturano’s passion for both led her to co-develop the very first mindful leadership curricula at the University of Massachusetts Medical School’s Center for Mindfulness.

The first group that went on retreat with her was comprised entirely of women.

“Though this has been accepted by men and women equally, some of the tenets, the idea of listening to your own wisdom, making room to see if you can find that win-win-win, comes a little more naturally to women leaders, but I would also say that that’s been changing,” she said. “As more women are leading in that way and having good results, I think it’s being seen as a model—as any kind of new leadership avenue appeals to people when it’s successful, or beginning to affect the culture in a positive way, people wanna know about it.”

How Mindfulness Leads to Success at Work and Beyond

That “win-win-win” is a key feature of what Marturano calls “the leadership we need in the twenty-first century.” Leadership is about influence, she notes, so it’s important for leaders to look at how they’re having influence, whether at home, at work, or in society.

“We have an epidemic of people who are living on a kind of autopilot treadmill. They are so overloaded, overwhelmed, over-connected that we have autopilot leadership. So people are more likely to miss things, to react rather than respond. They don’t have the spaciousness to find what we call the win-win-win, the choices that we can make as individuals that are good for the organization, good for the employees, and also good for the community or the big picture. When we’re on autopilot, we don’t have clarity, we don’t have focus, we have very little space in our brains for creativity and innovation, and compassion is really a stretch.”

Compassion has to start at home, she says, with self-compassion—something that doesn’t come naturally to many leaders. “If compassion and self-compassion are anywhere on their to-do list, they’re at the bottom.”

She believes mindful leadership is a necessity for the way we live now. “It’s an absolute imperative if we want professionals to do the work we need them to do, both for themselves, for their organization, and for that big picture. Boy, do we need it. Government can’t do it. Non-profits don’t have enough money to do it. We need these folks to have the spaciousness to find the win-win-win.”

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Monday 6 May 2019

How Thinking About the Future Makes Life More Meaningful

Mindfulness is all the rage these days, and for good reason. Focusing on the moment can improve our well-beingfoster compassion, and help our relationships. What about going beyond the present moment? Yes, thinking about the future can trigger anxiety—but a growing body of research suggests that it can also make our lives more meaningful.

Humans aren’t alone in having some ability to consider the future, a process that scientists call “prospection.” After all, your dog gets excited when they see you holding a leash because they anticipate a walk is imminent; your cat may show similar excitement at the sound of a can being opened. There’s even evidence that some animals—like bonobos and ravens—can choose and save tools that they plan to use in the future.

But prospection’s unique benefits to humans extend beyond that of other animals. Not only do we fantasize about our next vacation or decide whether it would be better to take the stairs or the elevator, but our prospection can cast far into the future: We might save for our children’s education or plan for our retirement decades from now. We can make predictions about our own futures based on what we’ve learned about other people’s experiences and even from characters in books and movies. And we can consider multiple directions our futures might take.

It is this remarkable ability to simulate our possible futures that makes prospection special. Just like gold prospecting may literally make you rich, studies suggest that prospecting about your future can enrich your life in at least four ways.

1. Helps us make more prudent decisions

Perhaps one of the most fundamental and important functions of prospection is that it helps us decide how to act: Thinking about what the future likely holds helps us decide what course to take in the here-and-now. Several studies have examined how thinking about the future shapes our decision-making. 

Researchers have been particularly interested in the psychology that drives our process of deciding between receiving something now versus receiving something of greater value later. In general, people tend to choose smaller but more immediate rewards over larger rewards that they have to wait for, a phenomenon known as “delay discounting.” 

But they don’t always choose short-term rewards over long-run gains. For instance, studies have shown that present-day connection to a possible future event can counteract delay discounting. In one study from the United Kingdom, participants were told either to vividly imagine spending 35 pounds at a pub 180 days from now or to simply estimate what they thought could be purchased for 35 pounds. Participants in the former condition showed an increased willingness to wait for a larger future reward than the participants in the latter condition. In other words, visualizing a specific possible future counteracted the effects of delay discounting.

Another study showed that participants who felt closer to their future selves were more willing to wait for a larger reward than those who anticipated changing; the same was true when they were asked to make decisions on behalf of a fictional character who they knew would go through a life-changing event (like a religious conversion or returning home from war).

While interesting in its own right, this research could have important personal ramifications. If people could be made to feel a more immediate connection to their eventual retirement (and consequent drop in income), they may be more motivated to make prudent decisions.

In fact, one experiment found that manipulating how people think about the time until their retirement—in days rather than years—caused them to plan to start saving for retirement sooner, because the shift in time perspective made the participants feel more connected to their future selves. A 2014 study found that viewing realistic computer-generated images of what they may look like in the future decreased their discounting of future rewards and led them to contribute more to a hypothetical retirement account.

2. Motivates us to achieve our goals (if we do it right)

Prospection has another important application: It motivates us to achieve our goals. But the relationship here is not a simple one. Work by psychologist Gabriele Oettingen and colleagues shows that whether thinking about the future helps us actually reach our goals depends on how we think about the future.

In fact, research has found that positive thinking about our future can backfire. The more people positively fantasize about successfully reaching their goals, the less effort they actually put into realizing them. For example, in one study, the people who fantasized more about successfully losing weight actually lost less weight. Another study found that students who fantasized about their transition into a professional career were less successful in their job search and students who dreamed more about their crush were less likely to start a relationship with their crushee.

Importantly, both of these studies found the opposite effect for having positive expectations(“judging a desired future as likely”). People who expected to lose weight were more likely to actually lose weight; students who expected they would find a job were more likely to actually land one; and students who expected to enter a relationship with their crush were more likely to actually do so.

It makes sense that having positive expectations—optimism, essentially—could increase our ability to achieve our goals, but why might fantasizing about the future actually decrease the chance of achieving what we want? Because, write Oettingen and Klaus Michel Reininger, positive fantasies “lead people to mentally enjoy the desired future in the here and now, and thus curb investment and future success.”

But often our goals come from our fantasies. We want to excel at work, find Mr. or Mrs. Right, or run a marathon. How do we turn these fantasies into behaviors that can help us reach our goals? Research suggests that while optimism is important, it is also helpful to draw a contrast between our fantasies and our current reality, which allows us to see barriers that must be overcome.

Students who expected to do well in the program to commit themselves more, and those who expected to do poorly to commit themselves less—again pointing to the importance of optimistic expectations to success.

For example, one study asked students to mentally contrast their positive fantasies about benefiting from a vocational training program with aspects of the program that could impede their progress. This reflection caused students who expected to do well in the program to commit themselves more, and those who expected to do poorly to commit themselves less—again pointing to the importance of optimistic expectations to success. But the mental contrasting was also key: Positive expectations did not increase commitment in participants who were not assigned to compare their present situation with their future desires.

Results from a later study suggest that the effectiveness of mental contrasting is due to “energization”—meaning that, when people have high expectations for succeeding at something, considering what might impede their goals gives them energy to try to overcome those barriers. In other words, it helps to stress yourself out a little bit.

Mental contrasting, particularly when used in conjunction with “implementation intentions”—making plans to help move past potential barriers—has been shown to help people reach their goals. To describe this process, Oettingen and colleagues use the acronym WOOP: Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. In studies, WOOP-type interventions have helped people break a bad snacking habitget more exercise, and improve academic performance.

Thus, research suggests that thinking about the future can motivate us to take the steps necessary to reach our goals—but only if we take obstacles into account.

3. Improves psychological well-being

Besides helping us make decisions and reach our goals, there is evidence that prospection may improve psychological health more generally. It might even help people who are struggling with depression and those recovering from trauma.

Indeed, some researchers pose a link between poor prospection and certain psychological disorders such as depression.

“We see faulty prospection as a core underlying process that drives depression,” write psychologists Martin Seligman and Anne Marie Roepke in the book Homo Prospectus. In particular, they note that people with depression imagine possible futures that are more negative than people without depression. Moreover, people with depression tend to overestimate risk and to have more pessimistic beliefs about the future.

That might be why research suggests that targeting negative beliefs about the future can be helpful. Some techniques used in cognitive behavioral therapy, for example, involve correcting how people think about the future, and some studies have shown that cognitive behavioral therapy can improveprospection. There is a 10-week program called “Future Directed Therapy” that induces participants to spend less time dwelling on the past or on current struggles. Instead, they are asked to spend more time thinking about what they want from the future, while developing skills to reach those future goals. A nonrandomized pilot studyfound that patients with major depressive disorder who completed this intervention showed significant improvements in depression, anxiety, and quality of life compared to patients who completed standard cognitive behavioral therapy.

For people recovering from trauma, a 2018 study suggests that writing optimistically about the future—an intervention called prospective writing—might encourage post-traumatic growth (that is, positive psychological growth following a traumatic life event). In this study, adults who had recently experienced trauma were randomly assigned to a prospective writing intervention group, a factual writing control group, or a no-writing control. Throughout the study, those in the prospective writing group showed greater improvement in surveys measuring aspects of post-traumatic growth, including relationship quality, meaning in life, life satisfaction, gratitude, and religiosity-spirituality. The other two groups did not show the same progress.

There’s another technique that may help anyone improve their psychological health: “anticipatory savoring.” Taking time to simulate and enjoy a positive experience in advance—whether it be an upcoming meal, visit with friends, or vacation—can allow you to derive benefits for the experience twice. One 2018 study found that taking the opportunity to savor an upcoming experience actually heightened people’s enjoyment both during the unfolding of the experience and when remembering it later. 

One way to engage in anticipatory savoring, suggested by Roepke and Seligman in a recent review article, is to modify the “three good things” gratitude exercise. Instead of writing three good things that happened today, you can write three good things you anticipate happening tomorrow and what you can do to make it more likely that those things actually happen. For people who are struggling, they suggest also writing down three methods that could be used to mitigate disappointment if the good things do not actually happen. These could include coping strategies (exercise, reaching out to a friend, etc.) or alternative strategies to making the good thing happen (e.g., if a friend cancelled lunch, you could suggest lunch next week). 

4. Makes us more kind and generous

How we think about the future doesn’t just influence our own lives. It can also influence how we treat other people.

In particular, picturing yourself helping someone in the future may make you more likely to actually do so. For instance, a 2018 study found that participants reported being more willing to help other people who needed help (such as a person who was locked out of their house or who lost their dog) if they had previously been asked to imagine helping a person in a similar scenario. People who were asked to imagine the helping scenario more vividly—by picturing the event occurring in a familiar location—were even more willing to help. One experiment even found that people who imagined helping actually gave more money to people in need when given the opportunity.

Another study found that when people think more broadly about the future consequences that could come from helping others, they might feel inspired to behave in more prosocial ways.

Another study found that when people think more broadly about the future consequences that could come from helping others, they might feel inspired to behave in more prosocial ways. In one experiment, researchers asked people who had volunteered for Hurricane Katrina relief efforts to imagine the meaning and consequences of their trip—or to think concretely about how they would be helping. Those who imagined the consequences of helping predicted that they would have a more rewarding trip than those who thought concretely about their actions. A second experiment replicated this finding: People predicted that giving money to someone they had never met would be more rewarding when they were asked to think about the more abstract meaning and consequences of their actions (e.g., how this decision fit in with their life’s past and future experience) than when they were asked to consider a more concrete perspective.

Could this abstract-versus-concrete effect have real-world consequences? The researchers think so:

“We believe that our results suggest an intervention that could be used to prompt and sustain prosocial behavior. To the extent that people avoid or cease prosocial actions because of concrete costs, inviting people to construe those actions abstractly could help them persist at prosocial actions that have enduring personal and social benefits.”

While there’s a lot left for researchers to discover about prospection, you don’t need to wait for their published studies. You can try your own experiments right now, to see if prospection helps you to live a more generous, happier, and more meaningful life.

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

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Friday 3 May 2019

Forgiveness: Releasing Ourselves and Others from Aversive Blame – Part 2


Rumi invites us to find the barriers we’ve erected against love, and a universal one is blame. These three talks are an invitation to relax those barriers, and to open our hearts to our inner life and to all beings. Part I focuses on chronic self-judgment; Part 2 on the places of deep self-condemnation, and Part 3 on where we have locked into anger, blame or hatred of others. Each includes guided reflections that can support us in directly awakening beyond the confining thoughts and feelings of blame.

My beloved child, break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart;
you stop feeding on the love which is the well-spring of your vitality.
The time is come. Your time to see, to celebrate, to live, to trust the goodness that you are.
Let no one, no thing, no idea or ideal obstruct you.
And if one comes, even the name of truth, forgive it for its unknowing.
Do not fight. Stop the war and let go.
And breathe into the goodness that you are.
~ Bapu-ji

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The Mindful Way Through Depression

Thursday 2 May 2019

Meditation: Being Here (22:40 min.)(includes community OM’s)


This practice sets the atmosphere of loving presence with a smile-down and waking up all the senses. We relax into open awareness, receptive to the breath or whatever waves of experience are calling for attention. The invitation is to rest in Hereness, fully awake in presence. The meditation ends with a short offering of blessings.

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