Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Have a Mindful Halloween

As millions of children go out to neighborhoods across the country, stalking the elusive full-sized candy bar, we offer you, the adults, a few ways you can bring some mindfulness to the tricks and the treats of the day.

5 Ways to Have a Mindful Halloween

  1. Don’t sanitize Halloween. We need more death awareness in our culture, not avoidance. A little reminiscing on our mortality actually makes us happier.
  2. Learn how to navigate a house full of chocolate. Teach your kids how to enjoy their holiday treats with these 11 ways to savor. (You should probably practice first, with a Twix, and then a Snickers, maybe some M&Ms…)
  3. Waste less. Americans will spend over 8 billion dollars on Halloween this year. And maybe you’ve already cleaned out the Halloween section of Target, but it’s not too late to take a look ask how you can take a more minimalist approach next year.
  4. Imagine a future with Mindful costumes. Imagine putting a mindful spin on classic Halloween costumes: a Mindful Angel or a Mindful Frankenstein perhaps?  What would these costumes look like? How would they be different? We’d love to hear your ideas.
  5. No really, talk about death. The Death CafĂ© is on the rise. People are getting together and actually talking about death and finding that those conversations are changing their views on life:

 

 

 

Why We Shouldn’t Sanitize Halloween

A Meditation Practice for Working with Fear

 

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The Mindful Survey: The Mindful Pet?

What’s the hardest thing about having a pet?

  • “That they don’t live as long as we do.”
  • “When you cannot understand what they want or need.”
  • “Them pooping in the house.”
  • “Not knowing what they are thinking.”
  • “They miss you.”
  • “Leaving them to go to work.”
  • “HOLIDAYS ABROAD.”
  • “That they have a great life and billions of other beings don’t.”
  • “The barking when someone is at the door!”
  • “Not tripping over them.”
  • “Guilt is the hardest thing. When you do have a jam-packed day you feel so guilty that they are home waiting for you.”
  • “Cleaning the litter box.”
  • “The vet bills.”

How many pets do you have?

 

graph: how many pets do you have?

Do you ever talk to your pets casually?

 

98% of mindful readers talk to their pets, 2% do not

Are you a cat person or a dog person?

32% of respondents prefer canine companions, while our feline friends take 17% of the vote. 50% can’t pick a side, saying cats and dogs are wonderful in their own ways. Fewer than 1% just aren’t into either species.

What’s your favorite pet name?

Our top picks:

  • Romulus
  • Tater Tot
  • Bert and Ernie
  • Spearmint
  • Bozlee
  • Miso and Tofu
  • Merlin
  • Snickers
  • Boomerang
  • Sirius

How would you describe your relationship with your pets?

  • “Symbiotic.”
  • “Unconditional.”
  • “Obsessive.”
  • “Family.”
  • “Fun, loving, and caring.”
  • “Respectful and loving.”
  • “One way, LOL: I have a cat.”
  • “They’re my TRIBE.”
  • “Gentle, kind, and in the moment.”
  • “Fellow sentient beings. Respectful of our differences. Mindful and loving in our relationships. I try to treat them as the species they are and not as humans.”
  • “Maternal.”
  • “Complicated.”

Did you grow up with pets?

 

82% of mindful readers grew up with pets, 18% did not

How do your pets encourage you to be mindful?

  • “They encourage me to be still with them, to sit in silence, and concentrate on touch.”
  • “When I get home I give my undivided attention to them. Yes, I see you, and yes, I still love you and missed you too!”
  • “Petting him I’m reminded to pay attention and be WITH him as I pet him. And feed him.”
  • “When I wake up to let them out in the morning my dogs stretch their bodies, they then walk outside where I observe them first just looking around taking in their environment. They do their business and then just sit. Looking. Observing. When the wind blows by, they lean into it. They smell it and then just sit. Then begin again.”
  • “Their short lifespans remind me to savor every moment.”
  • “They cause me to develop patience as they tear my house apart!”
  • “My cat reminds me to be mindful when I see him watching a dust mote and staring off into space. What is he occupying his mind with?”

Can pets be mindful?

  • “Cats live in the moment. They know how to pause, observe, respond. They soak up the sunshine.”
  • “I think they are in the moment when engaging in many activities. They don’t worry. At least if they are well cared for.”

What values or feelings do your pet(s) inspire in you?

    • “Generosity of spirit.”
    • “Unconditional love.”
    • “Respect for all animals.”
    • “Independence.”
    • “Loyalty.”
    • “Letting go.”
    • “Caring and patience.”
    • “Kindness and humility.”
    • “Compassion.”
    • “Companionship.”
    • “Relaxation is important.”
    • “Playfulness.”
This article appeared in the December 2017 issue of Mindful magazine.

Your Dog is Socializing You—For the Better

The Mindful Survey: How Blue Are You?

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The Science of Mindfulness: A Healthy, Growing Baby

How do you know?

Since forever, this has been one of the hardest questions to answer. And until the scientific revolution, unless you had firsthand knowledge (“I tried meditation and it did this for me, but I can’t say what it will do for you”), you had to rely on others you trusted (“The One-Who-Knows-All says that this plant will cure your anxiety”). With the advent of scientific experimentation, the standard for knowledge began to shift, and nowadays with other kinds of authority in decline, the gold standard for knowledge is whether it has been tested in an experimental setting.

In particular, when it comes to health care and mental and physical well-being, we need some assurance that what’s being prescribed has been tried and there is evidence that at least suggests that it works and it’s safe. Many aspects of health have been extensively studied—what promotes heart health, diet, exercise, and so on—and the effects of medication generally need to be documented thoroughly over decades of study before they can be prescribed.

It’s hard enough to prove that a particular lifestyle choice reduces the risk of heart disease. To demonstrate the effects of a practice that works with the mind is quite a bit more difficult.

However, when it comes to the effects of meditation and related mindfulness practices, the body of research is growing rapidly but is still small by comparison with other areas of research. According to the American Mindfulness Research Association, the number of papers on mindfulness published in journals rose from 10 in the year 2000 to almost 700 in 2016—a phenomenal increase. At the same time, according to PubMed, 42,245 papers were published in 2016 on heart disease alone. The study of mindfulness is in its infancy.

It’s a healthy baby, though. Lots of pilot studies and a number of full-fledged studies show encouraging results. Yet it’s important to use words like “proven” cautiously. It’s hard enough to prove that a particular lifestyle choice reduces the risk of heart disease. To demonstrate the effects of a practice that works with the mind is quite a bit more difficult.

And when any study says that meditation accomplishes a given outcome, you have to ask for whom, compared to whom, for how long, and under what circumstances—not to mention who funded and conducted the study. When it comes to scientific research, there’s lots of fine print. For example, it’s important to know how mindfulness was defined, what instructions participants received, who instructed them, and how the outcomes were measured.

At Mindful, we celebrate the mindfulness research revolution not because we long for the final word on the efficacy of mindfulness. We celebrate it because as researchers continue to make better guesses at what’s happening when people practice mindfulness, a continual process of discovery takes place. And that’s a key aspect of mindfulness: Instead of trying to nail something down once and for all, we keep inquiring, probing, and testing. In the end, after evaluating what others say—including in scientific journals—people and organizations will give mindfulness a try, see for themselves, and tell others what they found. That will be their answer for How do you know?

 

This article appeared in the December 2017 issue of Mindful magazine.

 

Meditators Under the Microscope

Which Style of Meditation is Best for You?

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Are We Becoming Smart Fools?

We are well advised to avoid certain things as we age. Right behind making cranky complaints about the latest music are mutterings about “young people these days…” So I ask this question advisedly: What the heck are young people doing with all those extra IQ points they’ve gained on their elders?

In a seminal discovery about human intelligence, researchers began reporting dramatic increases in IQ scores soon after World War II. The gains among children and young adults—the populations who take the tests—continued and even accelerated in the 1980s: an average increase of 24 points in the United States since 1918; 27 points in Britain since 1942; 22 points in Argentina since 1964; with gains of a similar size throughout Western Europe, Canada, Japan, China, Israel, Australia, and New Zealand. The total increase, roughly 30 points during the 20th century (about 3 points per decade), is so substantial that if today’s IQ tests were scored on the scale used two or three generations ago the average child in 2017 would score in the gifted or near-genius range. And the young adults of yesteryear, if scored on today’s curve, would be at the borderline of “intellectually challenged.”

The phenomenon of global IQ gains was named “the Flynn effect” for James Flynn of New Zealand’s University of Otago, whose 1987 paper analyzing them brought the increases to psychologists’ attention and challenged the prevailing notion that IQ is largely determined by genetics. The reason that can’t be right is that it takes thousands of years for the human gene pool to change substantially, and any such change would first appear in small, isolated populations. In contrast, the rise in IQ scores was sudden and global. Only “environment”— everything from how children are raised to the cultural and social influences they experience to even what they eat and breathe—can change so quickly.

Many scientists have studied what aspects of the environment affect IQ, but psychologist Robert Sternberg of Cornell University has a different question: “Why has the steep rise in IQ bought us, as a society, much less than” it should have?

Surely with two generations of near geniuses populating the planet and coming into their own as leaders we should be doing better. The reason we are not—why we’re not solving more of the world’s major problems, from widespread poverty and outbreaks of infectious disease to soaring income disparities and unchecked climate change—is that “we are creating a society of smart fools,” Sternberg says.

He blames the tests that the education system, especially in the US, adopted as a way to channel the best of the best into the universities, graduate schools, and professional schools that serve as escalators to positions of power and authority—positions where one’s ideas about how to raise productivity, build a societal consensus around climate change, eliminate abject poverty and hunger, or defuse or prevent ethnic and racial hatred would not only get a hearing but also a launchpad to implementation.

Sternberg’s argument is straightforward. Even though according to the Flynn effect (whose existence is not in doubt) today’s adults are near geniuses, these geniuses, while clearly gifted at inventing dazzling new technology, have not made a dent in the world’s most challenging problems. Therefore, IQ tests must be testing something other than the wisdom, creativity, social and emotional intelligence, and other skills the world needs.

That would not be so bad, except for one thing: The tests that serve as gatekeepers to higher education, such as the SATs and GREs, are very similar to IQ tests. They assess memory, analytical skills, reasoning, and fluid intelligence (questions that don’t rely on factual knowledge—such as looking at three abstract patterns and determining which of four possibilities goes next in the sequence—tap fluid intelligence). Schools teach what the tests measure—the “teaching to the test” phenomenon that more and more parents are rebelling against. Therefore, the people these make-or-break tests anoint as worthy of elite education have been chosen based on mental abilities that seem to be insufficient.

“It’s not that what the tests measure is irrelevant,” Sternberg says. “But it’s a sliver of what matters, and the mental qualities the world needs are not well measured by these tests. Yet society has given them disproportionate weight” in using them to determine which young adults become tomorrow’s leaders. The tests do not measure creativity, wisdom, and social and emotional intelligence. They don’t measure “whether you can move beyond old ways of doing things to solve problems, whether you can generate novel hypotheses and test them, or whether you have the ability to question dogmatic thinking,” he says. “The evidence is clear that these are the kinds of skills that matter” when it comes to addressing complex problems. By ignoring these mental abilities, intelligence tests keep people with those abilities from getting the education that serves as a ticket to success, including positions of influence, and offer a disincentive for schools to teach and nurture these abilities. As every kid who asks a teacher, “Will this be on the test?” knows, if the answer is “no,” there’s no incentive to learn.

In a recent study, Sternberg and his colleagues gave “expanded” SATs—measuring creativity and practical intelligence in addition to the usual SAT fare—to students at 15 US colleges. It predicted college success, from grades to years to complete a degree, twice as accurately as SATs. And in two studies published in the July 2017 Journal of Intelligence, he showed that an assessment of scientific reasoning emphasizing hypothesis generation and testing was a better predictor of scholarly success than the GRE (used to evaluate potential graduate students).

We have an educational race that helps people improve “their own life chances, but which does little to choose winners who will create a positive, meaningful, and enduring difference.”

“Some people who had creativity and wisdom, and other traits the traditional tests do not measure, and who could have developed those abilities even further in college or graduate school, never got a chance to do that” because they came up short in what the tests assess, Sternberg says. The tests reward intellectual skills and abilities that, despite increasing dramatically in the last several decades, have proved no match for the world’s thorniest problems. “We are making a serious and possibly irreversible mistake,” Sternberg says. “We are creating an educational race that rewards people who score highly on skills that will help their own life chances, but which does little to choose winners who will create a positive, meaningful, and enduring difference to our future.”

The skills of abstract reasoning, fluid intelligence, and others that IQ and related tests measure are the beginning, not the end, of what matters. “We need to be developing,” Sternberg argues, “virtues such as good character, compassion, active citizenship, and ethical leadership,” as well as “creativity, common sense, and wisdom—using knowledge and skills for a common good, understanding others’ viewpoints, and balancing one’s own interests with other people’s.” Until we do, we will continue to run the wrong race and crown the wrong winners.

Background: The Birth of IQ

Efforts to quantify intelligence began in the late 19th century, and the first test to determine “intellectual age,” primarily the work of French psychologist Alfred Binet, emerged in 1905. Given the multifaceted nature of intelligence, Binet emphasized the limitations of quantifying it, but the desire to measure and classify proved irresistible. In 1916, Lewis Terman, of Stanford, published the classic The Measurement of Intelligence, and his Stanford–Binet test created the blueprint for the field. Since Terman promoted eugenics, his broader ideas about intelligence, genetics, and race were discredited.

This article appeared in the December 2017 issue of Mindful magazine.

Smart Phone, Lazy Brain

The Stickiness of Misinformation

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The Mindful FAQ: Why Meditate Early in the Morning?

I’ve heard that it’s best to meditate early in the morning, like 5:00 a.m. Why? I’m afraid I’d fall asleep!

I know some people find that hour to be a good opportunity for practice, before the sounds of the day begin to creep in: the newspaper delivery, the garbage truck, the smell of coffee brewing or bacon beginning to fry. (Nothing acts as a meditation repellent as well as bacon frying in the morning.)

But we each have our own rhythm and routine. I would encourage you (if you are inclined) to go ahead and try 5:00 a.m. for a week or so. See what happens. Perhaps you’ll fall asleep, or perhaps, wonder of wonders, you may fall awake instead!

There is a kind of early-morning alertness that some of us possess and others only despise about us. There are morning people, and there are night people, but in fact these are just stories we tell about ourselves.

I once had a participant in a mindfulness course who said, “Everybody who knows me knows that I’m the diet cola lady. I go through six to eight cans of diet cola every day, and I always have one nearby. This week I decided to pay really close attention to what I take in, including diet cola. And you know what I discovered? I don’t like it!”

This woman had once perhaps liked diet cola, began drinking it, and stopped paying attention to it. Then at some point the story of her being the “diet cola lady” took precedence over her actual experience of diet cola such that she perpetuated a story that was not based on any actual desire or even affinity on her part.

So test out your story of not being a morning person, and if after a week or so you still find yourself awakening an hour later with a start and find a little rivulet of drool making its way down your chin, you might think about trying an evening meditation time instead. But be willing to explore, to try, and to see what works for you.

This article appeared in the December 2017 issue of Mindful magazine.

 

The Mindful FAQ: Can Mindfulness Do More Harm Than Help?

How to Handle Big Emotions During Group Meditation

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Monday, 30 October 2017

Let Go and Lean into Kindness with These Books and Podcasts

1) NEVER BROKEN

Songs are Only Half the Story
Jewel (Blue Rider)

Many of us have heard bits of the extraordinary story behind singer/songwriter Jewel, who came to national attention in 1995 with the multiplatinum album Pieces of You: She was raised on an Alaskan homestead, and spent her childhood singing in bars with the family band before she left home at 15. When she was discovered in a San Diego coffeehouse four years later, she was living out of her car.

In Never Broken, she unflinchingly relays the whole tale: the remarkable but unstable upbringing, poverty and struggling to fit with other kids, putting herself through performing arts high school, homelessness, sudden fame, heartbreaking betrayal, and redefining herself as an artist again and again. It’s a real page-turner. But what’s particularly interesting is the revelation that she relied on mindfulness to help her through.

Of course, back then she didn’t call it mindfulness. No one did. But, realizing she was on her way to being “a statistic,” as she says, she began crafting a lifeline—reading physics and philosophy; and using meditation, visualization, gratitude, and journaling to watch and question her thoughts and choose where to direct them.

It’s the goal of writing this book, and the website she launched with it, she says, to share these practices with anyone who needs them, particularly young people who are struggling. “If they can help you to get where you are going in less time and with less pain than it took me, then this book will have been worth writing,” she shares.

“This is an invitation to question your life and, should you desire, to find the courage to erase the lines that imprison you and to reimagine a better you,” she writes. “Be the architect of your dreams.”

2) EVERY BODY YOGA

Let Go of Fear, Get on the Mat, Love Your Body
Jessamyn Stanley (Workman)

Most people feel awkward during their first yoga class. For Jessamyn Stanley, being the largest woman in the studio only compounded this. Fast forward a few years, and Stanley is an Instagram sensation for chronicling how a “big, black, and beautiful African Queen” can be as yogic as the idealized (and grossly misleading) representation portrayed in women’s magazines. With Every Body Yoga, Stanley, now a certified teacher, takes that a step further. This book—a solid mixture of pose and sequencing instruction, introduction to the history and philosophy of the practice, and beginner’s tips to help you feel slightly less awkward when you start out—also tells Stanley’s story of how falling in love with yoga helped her fall in love with herself. Not only is this an inspiration for anyone who has ever felt different or has struggled with self-image, it’s an absolute testament to what yoga, at its core, is really all about.

3) FIERCE KINDNESS

Be a Positive Force for Change
Melanie Salvatore-August (Yellow Pear)

Fierce Kindness is an uplifting mash-up of mindfulness skills and “positive thinking” power statements (“Turn a problem into a possibility;” “Be bold and bloom”) that feel a bit like they came off a Lululemon bag.

While there’s no deep learning in Fierce Kindness, there is much to like. Author Melanie Salvatore-August, a yoga teacher (and Lululemon ambassador), is earnest in her “fierce” desire to remind us that we have say over how we interact with the world. And she provides some nice tips to help shift your focus, take mindful moments throughout your day, and investigate your thoughts with curiosity and kindness.

4 Podcasts on Connection

1) LOVE AND RADIO

Episode: “The Silver Dollar”
Daryl Davis is a musician with a deep interest in racism. In this episode, he talks about interviewing and befriending members of the Ku Klux Klan—including one who would become the organization’s Imperial Wizard—and the remarkable transformation that their contact brought about.

2) LONGFORM

Episode: “#215: Krista Tippett”
Tippett, host of radio show and podcast On Being and author of Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living, talks about her journalistic life, the art of the interview and listening, and the state of spiritual coverage. “Good journalists in newsrooms hold themselves to primitive standards when they’re covering religious ideas and people,” she says. “They’re sloppy and simplistic in a way that they would never be with a political or economic person or idea. I mean they get facts wrong. They generalize. Because they don’t take it seriously, and they don’t know how to take it seriously.”

3) WRITERS & COMPANY

Episode: “Nobel laureate Derek Walcott on voice, place, and finding home”
Eleanor Wachtel’s 2006 conversation with the Nobel Prize-winning poet Derek Walcott, who died in March at the age of 87. Walcott was known for poetry that bridged cultures and traditions, making links between his Caribbean and European heritage.

4) THE MINIMALISTS

Episode: “Mental Clutter”
In episode 19, Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus talk about the connection between physical clutter and mental clutter. “What is the best way to declutter your mind?” they ask. “Are there meditation practices to focus and clear your mind?”

This article appeared in the August 2017 issue of Mindful magazine.

 

Singer-Songwriter Jewel Shares Her Mindfulness Practices

6 Books to Get You Unhooked from Negative Habits

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Meditators Under the Microscope

Richie Davidson has always been a maverick. While other neuroscientists focused their attention on the mechanics of how to think harder and better, he was intrigued by a different question: What is a truly relaxed and focused mind capable of? His own practice of meditation and his encounters with experienced meditators offered him personal, anecdotal evidence for the profound effects of mindfulness and other kinds of practices, but could he demonstrate that in a laboratory setting? Davidson has devoted his career to that quest, which is chronicled in a new book written with Daniel Goleman, Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body.

The neuroscience of meditation investigates the full range of practice, from beginners who’ve never meditated before to practitioners who’ve done extended training programs to adept Olympic-level meditators who’ve logged more than 12,000 lifetime hours of meditation. Mingyur Rinpoche, a 42-year-old meditation master and teacher, is the classic Olympic-level meditator, who also has an abiding interest in scientific investigation. By the time he arrived at Davidson’s lab at the University of Wisconsin in 2002, Mingyur had already amassed more than 62,000 hours of meditation, including 10 full years on retreat—the perfect candidate to demonstrate the long-term impact of repeated meditation practice. But even the unruffled, methodically exacting Davidson was surprised at what happened next.

During the first session, a researcher instructed Mingyur, who had been hooked up to an EEG machine, to practice meditation to generate compassion for 60 seconds, rest for 30 seconds, then repeat the cycle three more times. As soon as Mingyur started meditating, the team of researchers was stunned by the unprecedented surge of electrical activity that appeared on the computer screens. At first, they thought Mingyur must have moved his head slightly, a common problem with EEG machines, which are notoriously sensitive to body movements. But as the session continued, Mingyur remained motionless, and every time the signal to meditate came on, the computers came alive the same way. “The lab team knew at that moment they were witnessing something profound, something that had never before been observed in the laboratory,” write Davidson and Goleman in their book. “None could predict what this would lead to, but everyone sensed this was a critical inflection point in neuroscience history.”

This is an excerpt of Mindful’s feature on the science of mindfulness from the December 2017 issue of Mindful magazine. Subscribe to the digital issue of Mindful to get immediate access to the December issue.

Which Style of Meditation is Best for You?

Your Wild, Wonderful Brain

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Friday, 27 October 2017

Anger: Responding, Not Reacting - Tara Brach

Anger: Responding, Not Reacting ~

Anger is natural, intelligent and necessary for surviving and flourishing. Yet when we are hooked by anger, it causes great personal and collective suffering. This talk explores how to transform patterns of reactivity by bringing a mindful and compassionate attention to the unmet needs that underlie angry reactivity. When we learn how to pause and connect honestly with our inner experience, we are then able to respond to others from our full intelligence and heart.

“Getting angry with another person is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: both people get burned.”  Buddha

“… When we find ourselves in an aggressive relationship, we need to set clear boundaries. The kindest thing we can do for everyone concerned is to know when to say ‘enough.’ Many people use Buddhist ideals to justify self-debasement. In the name of not shutting our heart we let people walk all over us. It is said that in order not to break our vow of compassion we have to learn when to stop aggression and draw the line. There are times when the only way to bring down barriers is to set boundaries.” Pema Chödron (from: The Places That Scare You)

photo: James_Jester, pixabay

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Thursday, 26 October 2017

Meditation: Refuge in Presence (18:12 min.) - Tara Brach

Meditation: Refuge in Presence –

We arrive in presence through the gateway of the body, scanning through with awareness, and then resting with the breath and body sensations. As we include whatever arises with a gentle and kind attention, our inner refuge becomes increasingly stable and openhearted. This meditation ends with a brief lovingkindness prayer.

photo: ianZA – Pixabay.com

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Three Powerful Mindfulness Practices To Try on the Road

We could all use a little help being more mindful when we drive but that’s the last thing we’re thinking about when we’re behind the wheel. We’re too busy rushing to get to work, feeling irritation at the drivers around us, and, even taking surreptitious glances at the latest incoming text. So what if we use this everyday act as an opportunity to deepen our practice and change the wiring of our brains.

Turning driving into an opportunity for mindfulness can be done with a simple strategy we call Notice-Shift-Rewire. Noticing is the act of awareness – the moment we wake up to the distractions of the inner and outer world. Shifting is the act or redirecting the mind to the experience of the present moment. And Rewiring is staying with and savoring the experience. Through rewiring we have the opportunity to take advantage of the neuroplastic nature of our brains to our advantage.

What makes this inner technology different from many other forms of meditation is that it’s designed to be integrated into the everyday moments of life. You don’t have to be sitting on a cushion with your eyes closed. You could be standing in line at the airport, waiting for an appointment, or, the subject of today’s practice, driving your car.

That’s right. It turns out that driving is the perfect time for mindfulness practice. And that is because, when many of us are driving, we are anything but mindful. In our experience, we often spend the better part of each drive oscillating between random mind wandering, feelings of agitation, and a background anxiety that we are not getting there fast enough – even when we have plenty of time!

And that’s why driving is such an amazing practice for cultivating the skill of Notice-Shift-Rewire and changing your life (and your brain) for the better.

Three Road-Tested Mindfulness Practices

1) Use Stop Signs to build the muscle of presence

It’s almost funny. Most of us treat stop signs as a general suggestion to slow down rather than a command to come to a full stop. In fact, one news station ran an experiment to see how many drivers came to a full stop at a residential four way stop sign. It turned out that three quarters of the cars failed to come to a complete stop.

The truth is that, for most of us, we’ve been conditioned in such a way that it feels odd when we do come to a full stop. Enter the Stop Sign practice.

The practice: 

  • As you drive, use stop signs, which are designed to grab your attention, as your reminder to return to the present moment.
  • The next time you approach a stop sign, Notice. Let the approaching stop sign heighten your awareness.
  • Then , Shift, bring your car to a full stop and do it with complete presence.
  • And finally, Rewire. As you continue driving, stay with the experience of “driving here now.” Notice sights and sounds. Let them ground you in this moment.

2) Yielding – Compassion strength training

Here’s another powerful opportunity for merging driving and mindfulness: compassionate yielding. Many of us are guilty of putting ourselves, and others at risk when we don’t yield to others on the road. This sometimes happens in parking lots – darting into an open space before that guy in the other car can get it. It also happens whenever two lanes merge into one – tailgating the car ahead so that drivers in the other lane can’t take our place.

The fact is that much of the game of driving is about keeping your advantage, not loving-kindness. So what would happen if you used conscious yielding to other drivers on the road as a compassion practice? Sure, it might slow you down a bit. But imagine how this shift could change your day and the day of those around you.

The practice:

  • Notice each time you’re in a yielding situation – become aware of the sensations in your body, your habitual way of responding.
  • Then, Shift to compassion. Do this by letting the other person in, while simultaneously repeating in your mind, “may you be well.”
  • Rewire by savoring this powerful shift.

3) Rushing – Non-Judgmental Awareness

Have you ever noticed that regardless of whether you are actually in a rush, you drive as if you are in a rush? Traffic jams make you cranky and irritated. Too many red lights in a row lead to agitation. Bad lane choice? More agitation. You find yourself thinking that the slow driver in front of you, whose only crime is going the speed limit, should “get off the road!”

Aversion is a big part of the problem fueling the continual state of rushing. On some level, we simply don’t want to feel the uncomfortable sensations that arise when we’re going “too slow,” held hostage by other drivers, stoplights, and road crews.

The practice:

  • Use rushing as your cue to shift to non-judgmental awareness – to be with, rather than resisting, the uncomfortable urges that arise in these moments.
  • Notice the next time you catch yourself rushing.
  • Then, Shift by slowing down to the speed limit and brining your full attention to the sensations happening in your body. Become an investigator of the sensations in your body that accompany this rushing state.
  • Then Rewire by staying with this experience of driving the speed limit or waiting patiently in a traffic jam for just a few more minutes. It’s a practice in building what the great American philosopher Henry David Thoreau calls “the determination not to be hurried.”

The goal of these practices is to turn an activity that has the potential to create intense irritation and anger into an opportunity to experience greater presence, loving-kindness, and awareness.

Of course, this isn’t easy. Our habitual pattern of driving in a state of rushed agitation is so strong that these practices require extreme attention and will. But if you are successful in integrating even just one of these practices into your everyday life, you will experience a profound shift in your life. And even more importantly, you will also improve the lives of everyone you meet on the road.

 

Eric Langshur and Nate Klemp, PhD. are co-authors of the New York Times Bestselling book: Start Here – Master the Lifelong Habit of Wellbeing and co-founders of the wellbeing training company Life Cross Training (LIFE XT).

3 Ways to Make Your Commute More Mindful

The Science of Taming the Wandering Mind

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Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Help Your Kids Let Go of Stuff

Despite giving up so much when becoming parents, we ironically enter a whole new world of stuff—some necessary, but most not so much. With each child, the average household inventory expands another 30 percent. In the United States, we have 3 percent of the world’s children and 40 percent of the world’s toys, with the average child receiving 70 new toys a year—and that’s according to research that’s already a decade old.

Today, any thirty-minute TV show includes at least eight minutes of advertisements, and much of the television programming for kids is rarely more than a twenty-two-minute commercial for tie-in toys or other merchandise. Even when they turn off their screens, our children are barraged with advertisements for toys, games, and the latest gadgets—not to mention having such goodies placed at child height in grocery stores, pharmacies, coffee shops, and more. So if you think it’s hard to resist, think about what you are up against. Corporations spend $17 billion a year marketing to kids—an almost 200-fold increase over the past thirty years. Marketing firms hire the best behavioral scientists in the world, who use the latest technology, such fMRI machines, to better locate the “want” button in our brains.

Considering all we’re up against, what can we do to help our kids let go of stuff?

  • Talk to your kids about what marketing is. For starters, we can explain to kids what marketing is and how it’s designed to fool our brains. (Check out the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood for some helpful ideas.)
  • Set limits on purchases. Next, we can set limits around buying toys and reserve gifts only for special occasions. This also gives kids something to look forward to (as opposed to expecting it), builds patience as they wait, enhances their appreciation, and makes them happier.
  • Take a look at your own spending habits. Third, we can serve as healthy models by not overly engaging in retail therapy. If we regularly send the message to our kids that stuff buys happiness, we can’t expect them to learn otherwise.

My parents’ house—my teenage home—was recently destroyed in a fire. My parents are fine but lost nearly everything—books, clothing, heirlooms, and countless other possessions and comforts. I feel this loss, too, as the fire took not just my childhood memorabilia, but memories too. However, although this was heartbreaking and hard for all of us, there was also a strange relief, as if the loss of that house and its objects had lifted some kind of burden from us.

Deliberately (or accidentally, as in the case of the fire) getting rid of literal burdens is a liberating practice. As Bob Dylan said in Like a Rolling Stone, “When you ain’t got nothin’, you got nothing to lose.” In the recent bestseller The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Marie Kondo offers some simple advice for letting go of material things. For example, she suggests looking over each thing you own and asking yourself, “Does this spark joy?” If it does, keep it. If it doesn’t, express your gratitude for the purpose that thing once served and wish it a fond farewell. We can practice this with our children by regularly sorting through old toys and clothes, appreciating the items that still spark engagement and happiness, and enjoying the extra room we gain by saying goodbye to the things that don’t.

When kids have too many toys—even more than five at once—they are less able to focus enough to learn from and master them.

Kids need “mastery” of their toys, not superficial relationships with as many possessions as possible. You probably noticed early on in your child’s life that kids want the same books and games over and over again. The repetition might drive us adults crazy, but it’s actually critical for a child’s cognitive development. When kids have too many toys—even more than five at once—they are less able to focus enough to learn from and master them. You’ve also likely witnessed how engaged kids become when they have to invent new toys and games out of virtually nothing. If necessity is the mother of invention, perhaps boredom is its father.

Research clearly backs the benefits of fewer toys. One telling study from Germany explored removing toys from a nursery school for three months. While the first days were tough for kids and staff alike, by the end of three months, the kids were playing more creatively, communicating and cooperating more effectively, and concentrating far longer than their previously toy-filled classroom. Besides, after a certain point, the more toys kids have, the more they seem to fight about them.

Yet, letting go is hard. Humans have been wired through evolution to believe that having more—more stuff, more food, more entertainment—will make us safer and happier, even when we have more than enough. For example, people are less likely to part with things they’ve spent “good money” on—a psychological principle known as the “sunk cost fallacy.” Yet most of us know that getting rid of things usually leads to more relief than regret.

Here’s how to help kids let go of things by engaging their imagination and natural compassion:

  • Spark their imaginations. For example, ask which toys are lonely or which stuffed animals might be happier (and might bring happiness) in a new home. Imagining the story of that toy’s next journey can help make the thank-you and goodbye that much easier. As parents, we can have trouble letting go of our kids’ tiny sweaters, first finger paintings, and miniature baby shoes, but when we purge most of the old stuff, we treasure what we keep that much more.
  • Set up a toy swap or a donation drive. Entrepreneurial kids can sell their old toys and spend the money on something new or donate that money to a good cause. A few years ago, I was jogging past a child’s yard sale in my neighborhood. I asked what they were using the money for, and the smiling seven-year-old informed me, “It’s for a charity that helps women trapped in abusive marriages.” Sometimes the motivation for letting go can be as simple as helping others.
  • Reflect on what you, as a parent, really need: Ask yourself: How much stuff does your family actually need? Are there things that immediately come to mind that you could donate or sell? By getting rid of some of your stuff, what might you immediately gain?

Some degree of simplification doesn’t have to mean becoming an ascetic. But keep in mind that less is more—more space, more time, more money, more creativity, more gratitude, and more harmony and happiness. And yet, despite the romantic fantasies we may have harbored of our kids blissfully playing only with handcrafted wooden toys and contemplating nature, we also want them to be able to experience the toys culture so that they can connect with other kids.

 

This article was adapted from “Raising Resilience: The Wisdom and Science of Happy Families and Thriving Children,” by Christopher Willard, PsyD.

 

A Kindness Practice for Families

Raising the Mindful Family

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Monday, 23 October 2017

What the Science of Power Can Tell Us about Sexual Harassment

When I first heard accounts of film producer Harvey Weinstein’s predatory behavior, my mind devised punishments fitting for Renaissance Europe or the film A Clockwork Orange: Cover his face with a shame mask widely used centuries ago in Germany; shock his frontal lobes so that he’d start empathizing with the women he’s preyed on. When we learn of injustice, it’s only human to focus on how to eliminate or punish the person responsible.

For 25 years, I and other social scientists have documented how feeling powerful can change how ordinary citizens behave—what might be called the banality of the abuses of power. But my research into the social psychology of power suggests that—without exculpating corrupt individuals—we also need to take a hard look at the social systems in which they commit their abuses.

In experiments in which one group of people is randomly assigned to a condition of power, people in the “powerful” group are prone to two shortcomings: They develop empathy deficits and are less able to read others’ emotions and take others’ perspectives. And they behave in an impulsive fashion—they violate the ethics of the workplace. In one experiment, participants in power took candy from children without blinking an eye.

Our research also shows that these two tendencies manifest in inappropriate sexual behavior in male-dominated contexts, echoing the accounts of the women assaulted by Weinstein. Powerful men, studies show, overestimate the sexual interest of others and erroneously believe that the women around them are more attracted to them than is actually the case. Powerful men also sexualize their work, looking for opportunities for sexual trysts and affairs, and along the way leer inappropriately, stand too close, and touch for too long on a daily basis, thus crossing the lines of decorum—and worse.

These findings from laboratory studies tell us that abuses of power are predictable and recurring. So too does a quick reflection on history. While I’ve been studying power, each year there’s been a new example of a powerful man sexually abusing others, and in every imaginable context—religious organizations, the military, Capitol Hill, Wall Street, fraternities, sports, the popular media, tech, labs, and universities.

We should also take a lesson from the now-canonical studies of Stanley Milgram on obedience to authority. Those studies, inspired by Milgram’s quest to understand the conditions that gave rise to Nazi Germany, showed that authoritarian contexts can prompt ordinary, well-meaning citizens to give near-lethal shocks to strangers off the street. In a similar fashion, contexts of unchecked power make many of us vulnerable to, and complicit in, the abuse of power. We may not like what’s going on, but many of us wouldn’t do anything to stop it. This doesn’t excuse the rest of us any more than it excuses the powerful for their crimes, but it should prevent us from telling ourselves the comforting lie that we’d behave better than the people in The Weinstein Company who reportedly knew what Weinstein was doing and failed to put a stop to it.

The challenge, then, is to change social systems in which the abuses of power arise and continue unchecked. And on this the social psychology of power offers some insights.

The challenge is to change social systems in which the abuses of power arise and continue unchecked.

First, we need to hear tales from those abused by the powerful, difficult and unsettling as it can be to share these stories. Kudos to the brave people who are calling out the bullying and sexual abuse of Weinstein and others. These tales galvanize social change. For example, when English citizens started to hear the stories about the treatment of slaves on slave ships in the 1700s, the moral calculus of the slave trade started shifting, and antislavery laws followed. Telling such stories also functions as a means by which those with less power construct the reputations of those in power and constrain their impulsive tendencies.

We are also learning of the many benefits of women rising to positions of power, from lower rates of corruption to more-profitable bottom lines. Hollywood is one of the most male-dominated sectors, where only 4 percent of directors are female; more female directors and producers would change the balance of power in filmmaking. Studies show this kind of systemic change will reduce the likelihood of sexual abuse. For example, ethnic minorities are more likely to be targeted in hate crimes as the numerical advantage enjoyed by whites increases. Greater numerical balance between people of different groups constrains the abuses of power: Those from less powerful groups have more allies, they are more likely to be watchfully present in the contexts in which the powerful abuse power, and they are more likely to feel empowered to speak truth to power.

Finally, we need to take on the myths that sustain the abuses of power.

Social scientists have documented how coercive power structures sustain themselves through social myths, which most typically justify the standing and unfettered action of those at the top. We’ve heard them before: “Women aren’t biologically equipped to lead”; “African Americans aren’t worthy of the vote”; “He may scream at people and cross some lines, but he’s a genius.” And a favorite in Hollywood: “Women are turned on by men with power like Weinstein.” Actual scientific studies find something quite different: When women (and men) are placed into positions of less power, their anxiety, self-consciousness, and worry rise dramatically, and their pleasure and delight, including sexual, are turned off.

Social scientists have documented how coercive power structures sustain themselves through social myths, which most typically justify the standing and unfettered action of those at the top.

This moment has the potential to become a tipping point in the fight against systemic sexual assault. For it to live up to the promise of this billing, we have to recognize the banality of Harvey Weinstein, and turn our attention to changing the social context in ways that make the human tendency to abuse power a thing of the past.

This article originally appeared on hbr.org, the website of the Harvard Business Review.View the original article.

Why Do Bullies Gain Power?

How to Find Your Power—and Avoid Abusing It

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Why There’s No “Mindfulness Movement”

In my last blog about “follow the signs,” I talked about how at the Foundation we spend a lot of time watching the mindfulness momentum to figure out the trends.

Note that I use “mindfulness momentum” rather than “mindfulness movement.” Momentum describes the groundswell surge of irrepressible engagement with mindfulness present in all parts of our society, whereas “movement” connotes an organized or planned effort.

While we certainly have leaders and inspiring voices, the momentum of mindfulness surging through the world is coming from so many different places that it’s very much like the ground elder that’s taking over my wife’s garden. It has a strong root system, invades new territory with ease, and you just can’t stop it.

Of course, this momentum also gives rise to things we lament, like the inevitable commodification and backlash. We cringe when we see that everyone and their sister is now a mindfulness “expert.” We support the critiques about overhyping the science and the lack of standards. But mindfulness will have to pass through the way station of commodification to arrive as an established part of society.

And to remember the goodness and benefit of mindfulness all we have to do is visit the stressed 6th grader at Robert W. Coleman Elementary in inner city Baltimore, the burned-out physician in Rochester, the traumatized fire jumper from California, and hear their stories about how mindfulness has helped them.

While we celebrate each of these important, inspiring examples, at the Foundation we’re also stepping back to see the big picture. This enables us to focus our efforts on emerging projects that bring that benefit to the many, to help mindfulness “scale up”—Projects like Mindful Cities, the Annual Survey of Mindfulness in America, and Mindfulness Retreats for Educators. All of which you’ll hear more about soon.

The challenge is that these projects aren’t money makers, they don’t fit the media economic model.

And that’s why, as a non-profit, the Mindful Foundation does fundraising drives and talks with inspired donors and philanthropists. We’re interested in bringing the benefits of mindfulness not just to the converted, but to address systematic challenges in our society. Not just to the “clan,” but into the trenches.

This issue also surfaced at the most recent “gathering of the clan,” the Mindfulness in America conference in NYC, hosted by our friends at Wisdom 2.0. They do great work and have brought important conversations forward. This conference had many of our beloved leading voices, a gathering of dear friends, and some fresh new voices (most notable to me were Anderson Cooper and David Simas). Mindful was a top line sponsor.

But like so many conferences, it was more about the traffic, about drawing a crowd: lots of like-minded, predominantly white middle-aged folks gathering to share inspiration and congratulations. It featured serial, one-directional communication—sages from the stage—and left no time for questions, discussions, or for people to meet and talk with each other.

Perhaps the most irritating element was the tech sector speaker who was on the stage more because he was a tech legend than because he had anything insightful to share about mindfulness. And the irony was not lost on many when this person who made many millions in the tech field told the working-class stiffs like me in the audience to only use their smartphones from 9-5 pm. It was like a crack dealer telling people not to get high for a few hours a day because their product was addictive.

But then came the highlights: a panel that included Amishi Jha and Rhonda Magee. When Amishi talks about her research on managing attention, she talks about helping inner city school kids excel, and helping community and relief workers be more resilient. And when Rhonda talks about her mindfulness work in social justice, it’s about healing the deepest wounds in our society. Now that’s some serious trench shit.

I was very grateful that Rhonda and Amishi helped us get real. They brought us back to the trenches, where mindfulness practice meets the emotions, and where meaningful change can happen. That’s what the Mindful Foundation exists for, and these signs read full speed ahead.

 

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Friday, 20 October 2017

Embodied Spirit: Mindfulness of the Body - Tara Brach

Embodied Spirit: Mindfulness of the Body ~

The Buddha taught that mindfulness of the body is a direct path to the realization of truth, to peace and freedom. This talk explores how we leave a present-centered awareness of our body, and the pathways of homecoming – a favorite from the 2010 archives.

“The most profound and full presence can only be experienced if we’re awake right here in this body – with a quality of sacred presence that comes when, without any resistance or grasping, we really plant ourselves in the universe, in this body, in this being right here.”

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How Loving-Kindness Meditation Makes You a Better Human

If you’re familiar to meditation, then you’ve probably tried a basic loving-kindness practice. It involves bringing to mind someone you love, and wishing that they are safe, well, and happy. The practice continues by extending these well wishes outward to those around you: maybe a more neutral party to those causing you trouble.

Turns out, repeating these phrases doesn’t just get us to wrap our brains around good intentions that might go out the window during a busy week. Daniel Goleman, author of Primal Leadership: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence and co-author of Altered Traits, says this type of meditation can impact our mind and our outlook “right from the get go.”

Goleman explains:

We find, for example, that people who do this meditation who’ve just started doing it actually are kinder, they’re more likely to help someone in need, they’re more generous and they’re happier. It turns out that the brain areas that help us or that make us want to help someone that we care about also connect with the circuitry for feeling good. So it feels good to be kind and all of that shows up very early in just a few hours really of total practice of loving-kindness or compassion meditation.

Goleman says loving-kindness practices strengthen empathic concern: our ability to care about another person and want to help them.

A Loving-Kindness Meditation to Boost Compassion

How to Train the Compassionate Brain

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Thursday, 19 October 2017

Meditation: Awakening Compassion with Tonglen (11:35 min) - Tara Brach

Meditation: Awakening Compassion with Tonglen ~

Our hearts awaken as we let ourselves be touched by the suffering within and around us. They shine as we respond with care to what has touched us. This meditation uses the breath to guide us in letting in and contacting suffering, and offering out our love. With practice this meditation enables us to realize the truth of our connectedness and the luminous love that is intrinsic to awareness [a favorite from the archives].

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Meditation’s Effects May Differ by Type of Practice

A growing body of research suggests meditation can positively impact our health and wellbeing. But are all forms of mindfulness practice equally beneficial? In groundbreaking research, a team of scientists at the Max Planck Institute in Germany reveal that mental training geared toward attention, compassion, or perspective taking each affect the brain, body and behavior in different ways.

The terms “mindfulness” and “meditation” are often used interchangeably, but different practices are known to emphasize cultivating unique abilities such as attention, compassion, and social skills. To date, research has yet to show whether changes in brain structure, stress physiology, attention and social behavior vary by the type of mindfulness training received.

To answer this question, a team of researchers embarked on a large-scale study of the effects of 3-months of different types of mindfulness training. Each of the training types emphasized a different skill: attention (Presence), compassion (Affect), and social intelligence (Perspective). Each training began with a 3-day intensive retreat, followed by weekly group instruction, and daily home practice that was supported by a custom-made online platform and smartphone apps.

A totally of 322 healthy adults (197 women) between the ages of 20 and 55 years were recruited and assigned to participate in 1 of 4 groups. Group 1 and 2 participants began with Presence training. Group 1 then received Affect and Perspective instruction. Group 2 received identical training in the reverse order. Group 3 underwent only 3 months of Affect training, and group 4 received no instruction. Participants from all groups all underwent fMRI brain imaging, and completed tests of attention of social function at the end of each training.

Presence, Affect, and Perspective: Three skills emphasized in various mindful practices

  • The Presence instruction emphasized attention and introspective awareness. Core practices included breathing meditation and body scan exercises, as well as walking meditation, and practices designed to heighten attentiveness to vision, sound, or taste.
  • The Affect session focused on loving-kindness meditation, and dyadic interaction. Loving kindness practices involved fostering loving feelings toward a benefactor, self, and others, and using phrases such as “May you be healthy,” “May you be safe,” and “May you live with ease.” Pairs of participants also performed face-to-face, in-person, and video-supported exercises during which they examined difficult situations, and practiced acceptance, compassion, and empathic listening.
  • The Perspective training accentuated observing one’s thoughts during meditation, and engaging in perspective taking with another person. Observation practices entailed labeling mental events such as thinking, and judging, categorizing thoughts into opposing domains (e.g. self/other, positive/negative), and monitoring the comings and goings of thoughts. Pairs of participants also performed exercises where they were asked to view an experience from the perspective of another person, and to reflect on how their thoughts differed from others.

Results from brain imaging confirmed that changes in brain structure were directly related to the form of mental training practiced. Immediately following 3 months of Presence training (breathing practices and body scans, etc), participants showed significantly greater thickness in the anterior prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex, both of which are associated with attention and executive function. Performance on computer-based tasks that measure attention and executive function also increased. Notably, changes in social domains such as compassion and perspective-taking were not detected following Presence training.

Affect and Perspective instruction both focused on social behaviors, the first targeting emotion, and the second social cognition. Immediately following Affect training (loving-kindness, dyadic interaction), participants showed significant changes in cortical thickness from the brain’s right insula to the temporal pole; regions previously linked with empathy, compassion and emotion regulation. These changes correlated with participant’s enhanced compassion ratings.

Results of this study indicate that the type of mindfulness instruction may matter.

Following the Perspective instruction (observing one’s thoughts, perspective taking with others), adults showed significantly increased cortical thickness in the brain’s left parietal regions, which are associated with perspective taking and Theory of Mind. Theory of Mind refers to a person’s ability to differentiate between his or her beliefs and those of others, and to appreciate that others may hold a different perspective. Brain changes at the end of the Perspective instruction were related to better performance on tasks measuring perspective taking.

The relationship between the form of training and physiological and psychological stress also differed by practice type. Only the practices that focused on social competencies (Affect and Perspective) were linked to significant decreases in the release of the stress hormone, cortisol. This suggests that the daily discussion of an individual’s personal experience, even with a stranger, when met with empathic understanding and non-judgment, may be linked to a significant drop on physiological stress. Nevertheless, participants reported feeling less stressed after all 3 of the instruction types regardless of the order in which they were experienced.

Results of this study indicate that the type of mindfulness instruction may matter. Similar to findings from other disciplines suggesting that social, cognitive, or behavioral skills are not interchangeable, results of this study propose that distinct forms of mindfulness practice may have very different effects. Meditation may not, then, be a one-size-fits-all proposition.

These findings are groundbreaking in that they point to a biological basis for how capacities such as compassion, perspective taking, and other forms of social-emotional intelligence may be developed. Although this study was conducted with healthy adults, this opens up the possibility that specific forms of practice may be better suited to cultivating specific competencies, rather than assuming that forms of meditation and mental training have identical effects.

 

How the Brain Changes When You Meditate

Can Meditation Lead to Lasting Change?

 

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