Monday, 31 August 2020

This is Why We Practice Mindfulness Meditation

I love the opening line of our feature about women leaders in mindfulness: “This is why we practice.” It feels like a manifesto, capturing how to live now.

Because as the world convulses with turmoil, my mind convulses, too. My thoughts fly like a storm in a snow globe: pandemic, death, disease, fear, invisible air particles, racial violence, social injustice, micro- and macroaggressions, shouting, anger, political warfare, economic freefall, joblessness, uncertainty, anxiety—all are swirling in my snow globe. Yours too? I feel raw, unsettled, hurt, angry, sad, furious, compassionate, sorrowful. It’s all in there, around me, inside of me, all swirling. And I suspect you and your snow globe are swirling, too. I think we are all swirling.

Why Practice Mindfulness?

And this is why we practice, so in the midst of the blizzard—loud, blinding, tempestuous—we have some ability to sense the howl and gale and not be overcome.

We practice so that when the known falls away, we can hold on to faith that something new will come. This is why we practice, so that as we feel the uncertainty, we can also feel the familiar ground of our cushion and our breath. We remember that we have been in deep uncertainty before and that slowly, somehowingly, we emerged somewhere
that felt righter.

We practice so that when the known falls away, we can hold on to faith that something new will come.

This is why we practice, so in the midst of a swirling snow globe of despair, anger, confusion, rage, fury, depression, we can see those thoughts and the stories we attach, and we can feel the constant, pulling weight. And perhaps a tiny bit, we can also see hope, love, and possibility.

This is why we practice, so we can recognize injustice and we can say, as Jenée Johnson says, “That happened, this is what I am facing.” And then, as she also says, “I’m
moving on.”

This is why we practice, so people with hugely different backgrounds, viewpoints, experiences, can come together, snow globe to snow globe, and see each other’s humanity, dignity, and raw vulnerability with kindness and compassion, all laid bare through practice.

My mind is tired. I suspect all of our minds are tired. This is why we practice. We have a long way to go, and our snow globes are deeply shaken—and no doubt many shakes lie ahead. But
this is why we practice.

With love,
Anne

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Voices

Following the Path of Mindfulness 

Mindful editor Anne Alexander invites us on the journey of deepening our sense of wellness through mindful ways of thinking and being. Read More 

  • Anne Alexander
  • March 4, 2020

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Saturday, 29 August 2020

Meditation: Waking up from the Dream (16:56 min.)


We spend many life moments in a virtual reality of thoughts. This guided practice helps us reconnect with our senses and discover in the space between thoughts the light of awareness, the mystery of what we are.

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Friday, 28 August 2020

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Worrier Pose: Finding Freedom from the Body of Fear (retreat talk)


While fear is a natural part of our make up, many of us suffering when the “on” button gets jammed. This talk looks at how our fears generate habitual patterns of physical tension, anxious thinking, emotions and behaviors; and how this constellation prevents us from inhabiting our full wisdom and love. We then explore two interrelated pathways of healing—unconditional presence, and resourcing, or cultivating access to safety and belonging (from the IMCW Fall 2018 7-Day Silent Retreat).

How
did the rose
ever open its heart
and give to this world all of its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light against its being,
otherwise we all remain too
frightened.

Hafiz – Version by Daniel Ladinsky, Love Poems from God

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Thursday, 27 August 2020

Meditation: Resting in Awake Awareness (18:49 min.)


This practice opens with a body scan, employing the image and felt sense of a smile to awaken awareness through the body. We then open to all the senses, and rest in the awareness that includes this changing life.

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Why Mindfulness Isn’t About Control

At this time of the pandemic, I hear many psychologists, psychiatrists, and other mental health practitioners recommending that people “focus on what they can control.” “We need to control this virus.” “Doctors are working hard to control the coronavirus.”

This advice irks me, and the word “control” rubs me the wrong way. Has anyone ever controlled a virus? No. While we do our best to prevent infection, illness and death, to treat infection, and to prevent spread of the virus, we cannot control it, any more than we can control birth or death or falling in love.

It’s not about control. Life is better without it, on the individual and collective levels. Let’s retire the word “control.” As the late Maya Angelou said: “Words are things. You must be careful about the words you use. They get into your rugs, in your upholstery, in your clothes, and finally into you.”

Control is a Popular Illusion

The word “control” means the power to restrain something, especially one’s own emotions or action. Respecting, accepting, and relating with our emotions is crucial for health and relationships; control is not. Control also means the restriction of an activity, tendency, or phenomenon, to maintain influence or authority OVER someone or something.

A popular word with the first known use in 1523, its use has increased dramatically since the early 1800s. It is found in the top 20% of frequently-used English words—for example, searching “control” on mindful.org brings up 658 hits!

I hear the word most days in my psychotherapy practice, many times per day, as well as in the media and in the mindfulness arena. Phrases we say or hear every day include: Learn to control your mind, (that is, thoughts and emotions), or your body. Control your anxiety and stress. You’re a control freak. Don’t lose control. He’s out of control. Self-control, in control, out of control, under control, take control of (someone or something), locus of control, social control… It may be scary to admit we don’t have total control, or any real control.

Letting Go of the Struggle to Control

Certainly, there is a need for somebody to take charge at times, such as during a cardiac arrest or a pandemic. However, while leadership is crucial, control is optional. Real leadership doesn’t consist in a controlling boss or partner, micromanaging, or pushing one’s own agenda without consulting others.

We can recognize that push for control in politics, or our jobs, but also much closer to home. As Dorothy Woodend has observed in The Tyee, “Most humans are trained from an early age to control our bodies—to work when we’re tired, to find extra energy from coffee, to ignore the ache in our shoulders after sitting at a desk for eight hours. Not to pee when we really have to pee.” A sense of struggle to control the breath is also common in meditation practice. What if, instead, we let the body breathe itself? And what if we tuned in to the breath, became the breath. Synchronized mind and body with the breath.

While leadership is crucial, control is optional.

Plato thought insatiable desire was controlled by reason, that the universe was a machine to get under rational control. Much more recently, Elizabeth Gilbert writes: “You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. that’s a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.” Their words reflect the long-standing control paradigm, the tradition of believing we need to strive for ever greater control over self and others, ever more certainty about everything.

I wholeheartedly disagree. We cannot control what comes into our mind, including thoughts and emotions; we can learn how to handle them by acknowledging them and letting go of unhelpful ones. We cannot control out bodily sensations; we CAN learn and train ourselves to respond to them in ways beneficial to ourselves and others.

How We Loosen Our Grip

The mindfulness paradigm is an alternative to the control paradigm. Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us. Not controlling. The primatologist Jane Goodall exemplifies this attitude in a direct, truthful way: “It’s not about ruling the world, rather being in the world, caring for the world and all its inhabitants, people, animals and the earth, the environment.”

This doesn’t mean that the steep imbalance of power in society is okay, or that we shouldn’t address it. People who are marginalized, discounted or abused experience a loss of control. While healing may logically appear to come from regaining control, it’s more helpful to see this in a different light: What they need is safety and resources, as well as respect, agency, freedom, support, and choice. They need to recover autonomy and self-worth, which are not the same as control.

“Suffering is suffering. We can’t always explain it, let alone control it. But we can meet it with compassion. We can meet it with presence, look at it directly, understand it, and perhaps find meaning in our relationship to it.”

Mindfulness teacher Frank Ostaseski writes,“Suffering is suffering. We can’t always explain it, let alone control it. But we can meet it with compassion. We can meet it with presence, look at it directly, understand it, and perhaps find meaning in our relationship to it.”

Giving up the intention to control one’s body or mind or to control others, does not mean that the alternative is passivity and helplessness. Alternate paradigms to control include collaboration, self-agency, self-efficacy, strength, and choice. Not control over anyone or anything. Being with and working with. Adapting to. Mindful awareness naturally strengthens self-compassion and compassion for others, an opposing paradigm to that of control. Mindfulness is loving awareness, a deep source of strength and perspective. No need for control over anything.

If you’re up for a challenge, I suggest that you try to go for 30 days without using the word “control” and just notice how often you encounter it. Despite the concept showing up just about everywhere in our lives, control is an illusion and an obstacle. Control is merely a key on the keyboard, just as “normal” is a setting on the dryer.

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Meditation

A Practice to Embrace New Beginnings 

Feelings that arise when something ends can remind us that we’re not in control. Try this letting go ritual the next time you need a gentle reminder to create space for the next stage. Read More 

  • Jeremy Hunter
  • July 27, 2020

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Wednesday, 26 August 2020

How to Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

I guided the meditation with fewer words, leaving ever more space. The air seemed to crackle with restless silence. Afterwards, several students said they prefer more guidance—otherwise, they felt they were floundering. I grew curious and asked the group, “What’s wrong with floundering?”

Floundering can make you feel excruciatingly vulnerable. It feels threatening and as if you’re out of control. It drips with embarrassment, weakness, a sense of being off-kilter. Everyone’s agreed then. Avoid floundering!

But since we’ve all had to grapple with many destabilizing factors, off-kilter is what’s on the menu lately. Perhaps floundering with grace and openness is the next big skill we must learn, to be resilient in the face of uncertainty and distress.

Floundering Toward Clarity

It’s inevitable that we’ll flounder when we can’t see the way forward. We flounder until we collect enough experience to proceed with more clarity. You might flounder in the face of what you’ve never had to do before and have to figure out in a hurry. Maybe you’re suddenly homeschooling your child, reorienting your job life, or choosing to listen and learn to allow the deep and necessary work of having conversations about racism to help change the world. You might be very smart and still flounder incompetently the first time you have to run a Zoom meeting or help your dad—or someone else’s dad—understand that the joke he just told is inappropriate. You might flounder when someone holds you accountable for something you thought was fine yesterday, but now you understand differently. Floundering can feel very awkward, so have some compassion for yourself. If you can stay with it, eventually you’ll likely find firmer ground.

We flounder until we collect enough experience to proceed with more clarity. You might flounder in the face of what you’ve never had to do before and have to figure out in a hurry

This is not to say that floundering forward is seamless. There’s no certainty that you will find anything solid, but this is also an excellent practice and it can yield amazing fruit.

Stay Present to Opportunities

Floundering is often how leading-edge thinkers and creators find the next big thing. They flounder around in the murky waters of not knowing where the heck to go from here until something shiny beckons, and curiosity pulls them forward, out of the murk.

Innovation requires the wisdom to flounder and stay present even when you want to cut and run. So hang in there, baby.

We Flounder, We Find It, We Fly

In The Art of War, the advice is to know your enemy. Sometimes, our most intimate enemy is our own ignorance, Once we recognize this, we find grace by courageously feeling the destabilizing qualities of floundering. This helps you fall more gently when your knees suddenly give out. Relax with what is beyond your control, but stay alert to opportunities, from job leads to better listening. Watch for what’s out there waiting to be discovered.

Mindfulness trains you to let go of habitual reference points and splash around in the creative space of not knowing until you find what you need. We figure things out by trying things out, floundering and finding it. It’s a master skill to trust that life coalesces out of formlessness. It comes from letting curiosity pull you from helplessness to mastery.

How to: Flounder, Find It, Fly

  1. Get comfortable with tolerating the flailing insecurities that are the fins of floundering.
  2. Flounder with presence and intention: Instead of resisting, check out what happens when you allow life’s inevitable moments of helplessness to be part of the picture. Learn and grow for the benefit of all.
  3. Remind yourself that floundering is a natural part of life. I’m not suggesting you invite floundering to your next party, but you can offer it some tea if it stops by. Flounder. Find it. Fly.

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Well-Being

How We Can Thrive Within Discomfort 

Instead of turning away from what feels difficult or painful, mindfulness teaches us that we can learn much from leaning in to any discomfort we’re feeling. Read More 

  • Kelly Barron
  • July 9, 2020
Well-Being

Making Friends with Difficult Emotions 

Cultivating a clear awareness of our inner world during moments of strong emotion is a powerful, portable way to step back from the activation, find our calm, and discover a right way forward. Read More 

  • David Rome
  • June 10, 2020

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Tuesday, 25 August 2020

3 Practices to Come Back to Your Heart

My heart hurts.

Watching the brutality and aggression of hardened stances on whether to wear a mask, whether climate change is real, and whether conspiracy theories are valid has me feeling deeply unsettled. I’m worried about the chaos of so much division, and its potentially detrimental impact on our communities and our society.

In order to keep pushing forward into the work of connecting with compassion, I’m holding the words of John Lewis (who will no doubt be remembered as one of the greatest, most compassionate leaders in American history) close at hand. He said: “Lean toward the whispers of your own heart, discover the universal truth, and follow its dictates.”

But sometimes it’s hard to hear the whispers.

And in those moments, I practice. And then I’m reminded of the infinite and innate capacity of the human heart to shine in the dark. I’m reminded that feeling the pain and the hurt is the practice. And then I remember that all of us are at home in our hearts and we can practice opening the door for each other. 

How to Come Back to Your Heart

1. Open yourself up to compassion. Meditation teacher Vinny Ferraro says, “When we allow ourselves to actually touch with our hearts the pain of what’s difficult—the fear, the anger, the hurt—what arises is a natural tenderness.” This is how we bear witness to our shared humanity. Here he leads you through a 10-minute meditation to show you how your heart opens when you call to mind someone you love.

2. Cultivate deep connection with yourself and others. When meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg talks about cultivating loving-kindness she’s talking about “a bone-deep sense of connection,” she says. “We’re connecting to ourselves, then we’re connecting to one another, knowing deeply that our lives have something to do with another.” She offers this simple guided meditation to connect with loving-kindness.

3. Tune into the wisdom of your body. When all else fails, tune into your body and give yourself a moment of rest and ease. Resilience expert Linda Graham says a practice called Hand on the Heart is “one of the most powerful tools we have to restore a sense of calm and equilibrium in the body-brain.”

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Monday, 24 August 2020

A Guided Walking Meditation to Connect with Your Senses

We can connect to our senses and nourish our relationship to the peace, pleasure, and technicolor qualities of the present moment, as we walk. Starting your day with an intentional morning walk can be the key to bringing calm awareness, as you very simply turn your attention to what the body is experiencing, as you bring your awareness to feeling your feet as you walk. This morning walk can be done on the way to your car, in a park, or even as you’re walking down a hallway. All it takes is being awake to what you notice while you’re walking.

A Guided Walking Meditation

A Mindful Walking Practice to Connect with Your Senses

  • 17:36

1. Choose a foot to start with. Pick it up, move it through space, and gently place it on the ground, feeling the sensations of each part of this process from heel to toe. So, picking the foot up, making a choice, picking a foot up, lifting it, moving it through space, feeling it touching down from heel to toe.

2. Walk with intention. We’re so used to walking in what we call automatic pilot, basically being tuned out and just letting the body go. You may notice that this feels a little strange to be so intentional about walking. That’s okay. This intention that you’re bringing is a way for you to reconnect with the present moment and what you’re feeling right now.

3. Let yourself notice.  Notice as much as you can about the feel of picking your foot up, moving through space, and gently placing it down. I get most of us are so used to walking, when we first bring our attention to it, we might even feel a little wobbly. It’s okay: this is normal, and part of what it feels like to wake up and actively notice the details of what we are doing.

We’re so used to walking in what we call automatic pilot, basically being tuned out and just letting the body go. You may notice that this feels a little strange to be so intentional about walking. That’s okay.

4. Focus your attention. Focus on the feeling of your feet making contact with the ground right now. Can you notice a difference between thinking about your feet and feeling them making contact with the floor or the earth? Can you let yourself experience what it’s like to be grounded and connected as you make a conscious choice to be present for this walk?

5. Feel your surroundings. If you’ve chosen to walk outside, allow yourself to feel the impact of the air on your skin. What do you notice? Is it warm or cool? Is the air damp or dry? Allow yourself to feel it.

6. Notice when thoughts take over. You may notice how quickly your attention is drawn to your thoughts, whether it’s thoughts of your day, list making, maybe you’re running an old conversation or story over and over in your mind. Once you notice your thoughts trying to hijack your walk, you may also notice that being lost in thought makes it more difficult to connect with your senses. You probably will notice that you find it harder to hear what’s going on in your environment, harder to smell anything, or taste anything. Thoughts are that powerful. So, when you know the thoughts are pulling you away, just notice that this is what’s happening, smile, and then you can gently and kindly choose to redirect your attention back to your felt senses and even more particularly, back to the feeling of your feet walking. Come back to this experience of the senses and the feet over and over throughout your walk.

Connect with the Present Moment

7. Let yourself experience your surroundings. What do you notice about the weather? Do you have an opinion about it? What happens if you just experience that weather is here, noticing the qualities of the weather, and how you’re experiencing it on the skin or in the body? What happens when you let yourself notice the sounds around you? What do you notice about the smells around you? Can you experience these sensory qualities as the symphony of the world?

The smell of the world: noticing pungent, acrid, sweet, sour, fresh, earthy. Maybe you can notice sounds as high-pitched, low hums, loud, or soft. How much can you allow yourself to take in the world in the minutest detail as your senses experience what’s here, without adding the layer of judgment on it about how you feel about it? Just for now, see what you’re able to do as you take in the raw data of the world around you—experience it in this morning walk.

8. Pause now and then. Another way you might heighten the sensory experience of this walk is, every once in a while, stop right in your tracks if you’re able and it’s appropriate, and notice in a very specific way what it feels like to be grounded as you feel your feet making contact with the earth or the floor. Maybe take a moment to choose a particular thing to experience through the eyes, focusing on color, shape, texture.

Another way you might heighten the sensory experience of this walk is, every once in a while, stop right in your tracks if you’re able and it’s appropriate, and notice in a very specific way what it feels like to be grounded as you feel your feet making contact with the earth or the floor.

Let your nose have a big sniff in and intentionally smell the air. Redirect your attention to your ears and hear the world right now. Can you hold everything you’re noticing lightly, and just let it be part of your environment while you experience it? You don’t have to judge it, or change it, or do anything about it. Just be here for you right now and then when you’re ready, make a choice to select which foot you’ll begin with and start your walk again.

9. Find your pace. Walking, noticing which foot is moving as you pick it up, move it through space, gently place it down feeling the foot making contact with the earth. Although it might help to begin by practicing going slowly, once you have learned to be present to walking in this new way, there’s no reason you can’t move more quickly. Find whatever pace allows you to stay present while you’re experiencing.

Be Curious and Let Yourself Wander

10. Try aimless wandering. You might want to use this morning wake-up walk to take you to work, or any particular destination. But if it feels safe to do so, it can also be wonderful to allow yourself to do an aimless walk. Maybe setting a timer, perhaps 15 minutes, and allowing your feet to take you wherever they want to go, staying present to your ever-changing environment without having a goal as your destination. Noticing what it feels like to reconnect to inner instincts that show up as everything starts to quiet a bit, as you heighten your senses with this morning walk. Noticing over and over as the attention is drawn to other things, particularly thinking.

Bringing your attention back to your feet over and over can be the greatest help to reconnecting with the present moment as you let your felt senses and the feeling of your feet touching the ground bring you back, right here, right now, coming back over and over and over. At the end of your walk, notice how you feel, check in with each one of your senses. What are you aware of right now, having spent this time bringing attention to the sensory experiences? What do you notice now about your mood? Notice what it feels like to inhabit your body and be awake to your precious life.

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Friday, 21 August 2020

Radical Love: Part 2 – Loving Ourselves into Healing


Radical love sees and cherishes the sacred that lives through all beings.  In this talk, we’ll look at the barrier to loving the life that is right here—what we call self—and how we can call on the light and warmth of awareness to awaken that love.

“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” ~ James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time

“Through love all pain will turn to medicine.” ~ Rumi, Look! This Is Love

“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’

‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.

‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit

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Thursday, 20 August 2020

How a Money Conversation Can Transform Your Relationships

In the age of digital media, many people seem quite comfortable sharing intimate details of their lives: whom they are voting for, how they look upon waking in the morning (and with whom), the contents of their closet. But who freely shares how much money they have in the bank, how much they get paid, and how much credit card debt they owe?

As a culture, we’re scared to talk about money. It’s primal. Money means survival. Without it, we may die. Talking about money can threaten our sense of inner worthiness (“I don’t have enough” or “I have too much and should be sharing it more”), and that can trigger our ancestral fight-or-flight response.  It’s that fight-or-flight response or fear that keeps us from talking about or mindfully engaging with money.

But, will that path of avoidance or reactivity bring you freedom and spaciousness? I fell in love with meditation practice when my teacher said “Mindfulness is meant to illuminate all topics, not just the comfortable ones.” The benefits of practice come from inviting all feelings to visit and shining the light of awareness on the scariest ones.

It’s that fight-or-flight response or fear that keeps us from talking about or mindfully engaging with money.

Particularly at this time of financial uncertainty and loss, how do we bring our full and open receptiveness to all that is arising in our financial lives? The COVID-19 pandemic, though an uninvited guest, bears gifts of more time and less travel, the ability to discern value beyond money (like the importance of friendship, our health, and our sense of humor), and the recognition that we can live with less. With fewer distractions, this moment offers a boundless opportunity to deepen our connection to our closest friends, work colleagues, family members, and ourselves, to cultivate a freedom in the midst of upset, shame, numbness, or guilt—whatever is arising. The courage to be present with and to voice our discomfort with money has the potential to liberate all of us.

The Gift of Money Vulnerability

Recently, a participant in my weekly mindfulness group mentioned to me that she was struggling with money as her restaurant business was reeling during the pandemic. I encouraged her to share with the whole group during her check-in. She hesitated because she didn’t wish to be perceived as begging for money. When she finally felt ready to be vulnerable and share her money secret, the group responded with compassion and love. Some of us sent her notes of support, others sent her money. While she may not have wanted to appear “needy,” the truth is that she did, indeed, need money.

Ask yourself: Is there a conversation with a friend, child, parent, sibling, business partner, boss, that you think about initiating, but keep avoiding?

Speaking about her money challenges was beneficial for all members of the group: Her openness gave others the opportunity to strengthen their generosity muscles, while she herself felt their support, knew that she mattered to people, and ultimately received much needed help with her bills. It also buoyed her confidence to find a job. It’s unlikely it would have happened without that Courageous Money Conversation (CMC). Of course, she is heartbroken with the potential loss of her restaurant, but she has a reserve of newfound energy with which to tackle the uncertainties ahead. Her wisdom is now much more available to her as she moves from paralysis and fear to acceptance and action.

The Call for Courageous Conversation

Here’s a list of hypothetical conversations that could unleash vitality and lead to a transformed relationship with the other party, and with money itself:

  1. Tell your boss that, based on the value that you’re producing, you need to earn more money. If you don’t have this conversation, your resentment might affect the quality of your work. At the very least, you might ask: What do I need to do by 12/31/20 to get a __% raise for 2021?
  2. Explain to your adult children that you’re going to leave them less money than they might be expecting. Or, that you’re going to leave one child more than the other because of their different circumstances. From my experience, not having these conversations often has deeply painful unintended consequences. Having this conversation with your children will make it much more likely that they both understand you aren’t playing favorites.  When my clients have had the conversation in advance of death, it has been neutral at worst and connecting and empowering at best.
  3. Tell your friend that you can’t afford to chip in for a friend’s birthday gift.  This, again, is a chance for real intimacy with your friend, and to lower the stress to your body and to your wallet.
  4. Talk to your parents about the likelihood they will run out of money if they don’t change their current lifestyle (or that they can spend more and not worry about leaving their money to you). This is an opportunity for intimacy and straight talk about the future.
  5. Tell your spouse that, despite the appearance of unity, you don’t feel like an equal partner, and you want to make financial decisions jointly.  Have honest conversations about the gifts you want to give to charities or political candidates. Again, not having this conversation will likely lead to more resentment and a further erosion of connection.
  6. Tell your business partner that you want to take a sabbatical or reduce the overall expenses of the business. 
  7. Depending on the age of your kids, let them know that you must work together as a family to trim your grocery spending, clean the house yourselves, or start earning money (which incidentally can be one of the most edifying experiences for a teenager, or a child who can do chores to help out their neighbours).

Ask yourself: Is there a conversation with a friend, child, parent, sibling, business partner, boss, that you think about initiating, but keep avoiding? Of course, there may be times when a CMC doesn’t go as planned. But, when I look back at my and my clients’ lives, I can’t name a time when an intentional well-planned money conversation didn’t produce more positive than negative outcomes. It’s a risk with outsized potential rewards.

How to Have a Conversation About Money

Next, here are four tips for how to have that conversation:

  1. Write down your positive intentions for this conversation. Maybe it’s to get closer to your children, spouse, work colleague or friend. Maybe it’s protecting the financial wellness of your parents or yourself, or making you feel aligned with your pay and your output.
  2. Roleplay the conversation with someone you trust. This should be a neutral person who will be much more objective and probably offer you some sound suggestions for what to say and not say. Experiment by asking the neutral person to reply with your biggest fears of how the actual person might respond. When you debrief after the roleplay, listen to their feedback as well as to the feelings and intuition in your own body. (I’ve also found that sometimes, just doing the roleplay can make an actual conversation unnecessary). 
  3. Schedule a time to speak with the person without interruption. Let them know the amount of time you need, so you don’t feel rushed. Ideally, meet in a quiet and comfortable space.
  4. Start the conversation by saying something you appreciate about them. Next, say your intention and how you’re hoping that this conversation produces something positive for both of you. Stick to starting your sentences with the word “I” instead of “You.” In other words, say, “I’m concerned about you running out of money,” instead of “You’re terrible with money and almost broke.”

Having a CMC, like any conversation, might not produce a specific outcome, but it can heal and energize any relationship. It can also help you to feel powerful and effective with money.

Letting go of our fearful taboo around discussing money matters is one way we can use the pandemic to our advantage. Let’s shine the light of mindfulness on what’s actually happening in our relationship to money, and use that light to deepen relationships and liberate ourselves from old money behaviors. Mindful Courageous Money Conversations offer a surprising gateway toward personal growth and transformation.

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Daily Practices

A 4-Step Practice to Awaken Your Intention 

A strong intention is like a rudder to navigate us through stormy seas. Wendy O’Leary offers a practice to reflect and return to our personal intention, no matter the weather. Read More 

  • Wendy O’Leary
  • August 17, 2020

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Meditation: A Present Heart (22:13 min.)


This guided practice emphasizes bringing a gentle and kind attention to our bodies, and then including all experience with a receptive presence. We close by identifying a part of our being that is asking for a healing attention, and offering loving presence to ourself and then to others.

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Wednesday, 19 August 2020

5 Benefits of Mindfulness for Black, Indigenous, and Women of Color

Mindfulness is the act of being attentive to yourself. In the noise of the world, it’s taking a moment to tune everything around you out and tune in to yourself.

That’s not easy.

Though for some the pandemic provided a much-needed interruption, the “rise and grind” mentality and routine has continued to permeate our lives. “Hustle culture” pushes the narrative that being busy is a measurement of achievement and success, and anything that conflicts with our ability to work must be pushed to the side.

The kinds of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that conflict with work are increasingly prevalent due to the coronavirus. This can come in the form of worries about your personal and loved ones’ health and well-being, with COVID-19 being such a new virus that is disproportionately impacting Black and brown communities. It could be stress due to such a quick shift from a familiar daily rhythm to most of the world shutting down. Maybe it’s pressure from losing a job, working from home for the first time, or suddenly teaching your kids school. All of this created so much stress and worry—all of which is piled on top of our hustle lifestyle.

However, the very same thoughts, feelings, and emotions that this lifestyle makes us inclined to ignore are an important sign that it’s time to slow down and listen.

All of us in western capitalist cultures are conditioned to “go go go.” Black, Indigenous, and Women of Color (BIWOC), though, experience additional systems of oppression on top of hustle culture that compound negative thoughts. This poses a continuous challenge for women, including trans, gender non-conforming, non-binary, genderqueer, and all those with gender identities oppressed by racism and misogyny. As all of us are conditioned to ignore our feelings, to not sit still, BIWOC are also experiencing racism, white supremacy, the patriarchy, and microaggressions—racial trauma—that cause harm to our bodies, souls, and minds daily.

The oppressive challenges BIWOC wake up to every morning are another blockade between Black women and mindfulness. These challenges make it even more arduous to push the pause button. Beyond this barrier, there can also be a great deal of trauma and hurt to unpack. Pausing and noticing our trauma—and ultimately healing from it—is not easy, but it is imperative for our health, our survival, and our ability to thrive.

It Only Takes a Moment

The idea of practicing mindfulness can be overwhelming to some people because it sounds like a production. You may be thinking: “I don’t have four hours a day to spend with myself. I have kids. I’m navigating microaggressions from my white coworkers. There’s no time.” Practicing mindfulness, the act of tuning in to oneself, does not need to be a lengthy, scheduled task. It’s not four hours of meditation, or even 45 minutes of yoga. Take 10 minutes to sit on a park bench and look inside. Be curious. What is your body telling you? Take five minutes while eating an apple. Put your phone down and check in with yourself, your emotions, and your physical body. Sit in your car for a moment to close your eyes and breathe before going inside the house.

Mindfulness is not an event that needs to be blocked out on your calendar, but moments taken throughout the day to commit to yourself. As they begin to add up, these moments can result in five tangible benefits. You can keep these benefits in mind by thinking of the five Rs: Resilience, Relationships, Self-Regard, Rationale, and Robust.

1. Resilience

Mindfulness practice is an opportunity to rest. Much like exercising, we have to give our muscles time to recover after a hard workout so we can grow stronger. Resting with mindfulness allows us to give ourselves the opportunity to grow and be more resilient.

Resting with mindfulness allows us to give ourselves the opportunity to grow and be more resilient. We create a safe haven within ourselves where microaggressions aren’t happening.

We create a safe haven within ourselves where microaggressions aren’t happening. Experiencing microaggressions is inevitable for Black women, so having the space to rest allows us to build stronger resilience when experiencing daily trauma out in the world.

2. Relationships

When our mind is harmonious with our feelings, we’re paying attention to us, not what others think of us. Mindfulness allows us to get reacquainted with the truest, most authentic version of ourselves and know who we are today, in this season of life. As we know ourselves better, we can in turn develop healthier relationships with others. We are empowered to know what is and is not good for us in this stage of life, and we can recognize if and when a relationship is no longer healthy or if we need to set additional boundaries. By knowing ourselves, we are empowered to make ourselves a priority and build valuable relationships that pour into who we are instead of draining us.

3. Self-Regard

Self-sabotaging behavior is when we get in our own way. Language is a big part of this: talking down to ourselves and convincing ourselves that we are unworthy, not enough, or disappointing. This is what makes practicing mindfulness difficult. When you sit with yourself, you must acknowledge the feelings and emotions that are arising—the hurt, the pain, the disappointment, how you may have disappointed yourself or others, pain inflicted on you by others or yourself. Mindfulness means sitting with all of that. When we do, we can correct the self-sabotaging language we may berate ourselves with during the day. Mindfulness is the chance to give ourselves respect, love, and compassion. Forgiving all those things we don’t like to see about ourselves allows us to regard ourselves in a higher light, and to radiate that light and confidence.

4. Rationale

The hustle and bustle of grind culture can leave us untethered. When we pull away from the “busyness” of the world and sit with ourselves, we have the opportunity to become more centered and grounded. Picture an old oak tree that has stood for hundreds of years: It does not get uprooted in a storm. It may lose a branch or two, but it remains standing tall, rooted.

Practicing mindfulness allows our roots to grow as we become surer of ourselves and of our needs.

Practicing mindfulness allows our roots to grow as we become surer of ourselves and of our needs. Getting in touch with those deep roots of who we are, what we want, and what we hope our future will look like makes us an unshakeable force. We can make rational decisions that we might have otherwise waffled on, because we know what we need. Rationale gives us a firm foundation, a core purpose, and a sense of groundedness in who you are that you can make decisions from.

5. Robust

Mindfulness is physical and embodied. Just as racial trauma negatively impacts mental and emotional health for BIWOC, our physical health suffers as a byproduct. Capitalistic culture, too, encourages us to work hard and keep pushing. When we never stop to rest, we become sick. Grinding away, especially when it’s almost always in service of someone else’s goals, is stressful and hard on our emotions and body.

When we practice mindfulness, we grow to see how our emotional and physical well-being are tied together. As a whole person, you must take care of all of the parts of you. This means knowing ways we can move our bodies and eat nourishing foods that increase our strength. These are powerful acts of self-compassion! If we can fall in love with ourselves, we will make ourselves a priority, and that is good for our emotional and physical health.

The world demands we sacrifice and hustle, that we put everyone else first. To prioritize our own selves as BIWOC not only builds our confidence and health, it subverts and recalibrates society’s racist expectations of how we handle ourselves. Rest is resistance, and mindfulness is the key to thriving.

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Associate Editor

The primary responsibility of the Associate Editor, Mindful Communications, is to help with the production of Mindful.org and Mindful Magazine. The associate editor assists in the building and scheduling of mindful.org articles, newsletters, and social media posts while supporting editorial calendars and production flows. The associate editor also assists in the production, copyediting, and writing of articles for Mindful magazine and other Mindful products. The person in this position executes their duties under the supervision of the Executive Editor and may be assigned duties beyond the scope of this description.

Key Duties: 

  • Builds articles in CMS and schedules them
  • Brainstorms and pitches content ideas for the website, the magazine, and other Mindful products
  • Edits and/or proofreads manuscripts and other forms of copy for publication in the magazine and online, making stylistic, structural and grammatical corrections, as well as other substantive changes as needed.
  • Creates and tracks invoices for digital assignments
  • Assists in the creation of content for internal presentations
  • Assists with social media scheduling and post creation
  • Supports Art team by researching stock images 
  • Participates in team meetings and presentations
  • Participates in production of editorial events and initiatives (eg. Mindful30 meditation challenge, Mindful courses, Mindful Live events etc.)
  • Collaborates with business development, circulation, advertising, marketing, and print teams
  • Helps transition the website for each new issue publication: building issue posts online including new heds, deks and images as required
  • Moderates social media comments, Mindful social group pages, and live events
  • Assists in the production of the email campaigns including Monday Weekly Wakeup Newsletter and the Tuesday Weekly Newsletter, as well as advertising, marketing, and business development newsletters

Recommended qualifications:

  • A familiarity with (and ideally experience practicing) mindfulness and meditation 
  • Strong writing skills – able to write for daily deadlines
  • Content management system experience
  • Experience and enthusiasm for posting to social media platforms
  • Basic proficiency in audio and video production and editing
  • Basic knowledge of photo editing for online use

Skills and qualities: 

  • Digitally savvy
  • Ability to juggle multiple projects and prioritize tasks
  • Fast, fluent writer 
  • Time management
  • Willingness to learn new digital technologies
  • Research and analysis
  • Decision-making 
  • Communication
  • Working both independently and collaboratively

Helpful Notes:

  • Our office is based in Halifax, Nova Scotia. While preference may be given to qualified, local candidates, we are open to remote applicants as well.
  • Mindful is an equal opportunity employer. We welcome applicants who are Black, Indigenous, people of color, visible minorities, persons with disabilities, as well as members of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community.
  • We cannot sponsor applicants for immigration to Canada at this time.


Interested in Applying? Please send your resume and cover letter to HR@mindful.org
Applications will be accepted until Monday August 31 at 5 PM AST.

Thank you for your interest in working with Mindful.

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Tuesday, 18 August 2020

10-Minute Meditation to Ground, Breathe, Soothe

There’s a number of mindfulness-based strategies that can help settle us when fear is really strong. And the practices can be combined or sequenced in any way that you find effective.

It’s ideal to develop a familiarity and skill with these strategies when you’re not feeling strong fear so that they’re available to you when they’re most needed. So let’s start with a short mindfulness practice that helps bring us here into our body, in this moment.

A Guided Grounding Practice

10-Minute Meditation to Ground, Breathe, Soothe

  • 10:24

1. Finding a comfortable posture with both feet on the floor, allow the eyes to gently close. Or, lower your gaze.

2. Now bring attention to the areas of contact that your feet have with the floor. Feel into your feet, noticing the solidity of the ground under them. Maybe feeling where your shoes are in contact with your feet.

3. And now moving on to the thighs and where the body meets the chair. Notice where there is contact with the chair, just allowing the ground and the chair to hold and support your body without you needing to do anything.

4. Then, move your attention to your back. Where does your back touch the chair? Can you feel the difference between where there is contact and where there is none?

5. And now moving your attention to your hands, feeling into your hands. Maybe noticing what they’re touching. Perhaps the chair, your thighs, the other hand. You can ask yourself, How do I know that I have hands without looking at them? You just know, right? We can feel the hands from within. 

6. Now open your awareness. Feel your entire body sitting here in this moment on this chair.  

Where do I feel my breath the most? Where are the sensations of the breath most pleasant? At the nose where the air comes in at the back of the throat? In the chest? Or, maybe the belly?

7. For a few moments, bring your attention to the breath. If you’d like, you can make the next couple of breaths a little bit deeper, so you can really feel the breath. And ask yourself, Where do I feel my breath the most? Where are the sensations of the breath most pleasant? At the nose where the air comes in at the back of the throat? In the chest? Or, maybe the belly? And using that place—the place where you feel it the most—as an anchor for your attention. 

This is where you can come back over and over. Whenever the mind wanders off, when you’re experiencing a strong sense of fear, come back to your breath or repeat the words ground, breathe, settle, soothe. 

7. Now let the breath just breathe itself. No need to make it any other way than what it wants to be. When you notice your attention is somewhere else, gently bring it back to the breath.

8. Whenever you’re ready, let your eyes open or lift your gaze. Notice how you’re feeling right now—there’s no particular way you should feel. 

This is a grounding practice that you can come back to throughout your day. When you find yourself caught up in feelings of anxiety or fear, you can use simple words to remind yourself to come back to the breath. Ground, breathe, settle, soothe

This practice is brought to you by Calmer Choice, one of Mindful’s charitable partners for Mindful30—a 30-day online program that sends insights and guided practices straight to your inbox.

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Friday, 14 August 2020

Learning to Respond, Not React (redux)


When stressed, we often react with looping fear-thoughts, feelings and behaviors that cause harm to ourselves and/or others. This talk offers three interrelated strategies that can serve us when we’re triggered by stress, and help us find our way back to our natural wisdom, empathy and wholeness of being. By de-conditioning habitual reactivity, we are increasingly able to respond to our life circumstances in ways that serve healing and awakening.

Three teachings:
“Please don’t believe your thoughts!”
“Please just pause and come back into presence!
“Please remember love!” …

Never under-estimate the power of your caring. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life. …

May we each discover this pathway of homecoming in a way that really allows us to trust our natural being. And may we live our days from this presence, from this loving.

Please enjoy this remastered audio and video version of one of Tara’s most popular talks, originally published on 09/02/2015.

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Guided Meditation: Offering Loving-Kindness to Yourself and Others

Loving-kindness is a practice and technique where the central object we rest our attention on is the silent repetition of certain phrases. And the phrases are a way of offering, gift giving, and switching our attention. So for example, if we normally think about the mistakes we’ve made, what we did wrong, and when we failed, we’re going to switch our attention and just wish ourselves well.

You may use the phrases: May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live my life with ease.

Many people ask me, “Well, who am I asking?” We’re not asking anybody, we’re offering. We’re gift giving. And then we wish others well. It may be people who’ve helped us, who we take for granted, tend to overlook, or people we don’t really know. There are many phases and stages of the practice, but we’ll begin with the offering of loving-kindness to ourselves. We’ll end with the offering of loving-kindness to all people everywhere.

A Meditation on Loving-Kindness

Offering Loving-Kindness to Yourself and Others

  • 8:11

1. To begin, you can sit comfortably. Many of you may have your own loving-kindness practice, and it’s fine just to continue on. Common phrases you would repeat are things like, May I be safe, be happy, be healthy, and live with ease. Live with ease means: May the things in day-to-day life not be a struggle. 

2. May I be safe, be happy, be healthy, live with ease. You can silently repeat these phrases or whatever phrases you’ve chosen. Gather all of your attention behind one phrase at a time. You don’t have to try to force a special feeling, the power of the practice is in that gathering. And when your attention wanders—because it will—don’t worry about it. See if you can gently let go and just return your attention to the phrases.

Offer Loving-Kindness to Those Around You

3. Then, see if you can call to mind someone who’s helped you. Maybe they’ve helped you directly and helped pick you up when you had fallen down. Maybe you’ve never met them, and they’ve inspired you from afar. So if someone like that comes to mind, you can bring them here. An adult, a child, a pet, whoever it might be, see if you can visualize an image of them, or say their name to yourself. Get a feeling for their presence and offer the phrases of loving-kindness to them. May you be safe, be happy, be healthy, live with ease. Even if the words don’t seem perfect. It’s fine. It’s the conduit for the heart’s energy.

Gather all of your attention behind one phrase at a time. You don’t have to try to force a special feeling, the power of the practice is in that gathering.

4. Now let’s have a gathering. Just with whoever comes to mind: friends, family, colleagues, pets. And offer loving-kindness to the group, to the collective. May you be safe, be happy, be healthy, live with ease.

5. Then, shift your attention to all beings everywhere, all people, all creatures, all those in existence, near and far, known and unknown. May all people be safe, be happy, be healthy, live with ease

This practice was led during our first Mindful Live session with Sharon Salzberg and Barry Boyce. Watch the full session for a limited time here.

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