Friday, 28 June 2019

How Hope Can Heal and Free Us – Part 1


The mature expression of hope includes three elements: the aspiration for manifesting our full potential, a trust that this is possible, and an energy that engages to serve this unfolding. In this talk, we explore the importance of hope on the spiritual path, its shadow side, and how we can nourish hope through these three elements in a way that serves inner freedom and the healing of our world (a special favorite from the archives).

Here’s what I’ve decided. The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for, and the most you can do is live inside that hope, not admired from a distance, but live right under it, under its roof. What I want is so simple, I almost can’t say it. Elementary kindness. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

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Thursday, 27 June 2019

Meditation: Awakening Our Full Aliveness (20:30 min.)


We cut off from our aliveness when we are lost in thoughts and on auto pilot. This meditation arouses a receptivity to sensation from “the inside out,” opens the awareness to sound, and then invites a full resting in receptive, dynamic presence (from the archives).

It doesn’t matter how many times the mind drifts. It’s the gentle re-arriving that retrains your heart and mind. Just to choose to come back… Perhaps to sense what might let go a little more… If there’s something that might want to relax a bit more right now… To listen to and feel the changing moment-to-moment experience with an awake, open awareness. ~ Tara

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Wednesday, 26 June 2019

A 7-Minute Mindfulness Practice to Shift out of “Doing” Mode

NYC Offering Mindfulness for the Morning Commute

Mindfulness in transit

New York’s Metropolitan Transportation Authority offers programs that teach mindfulness, meditation, and yoga to its employees across the transit system, from bus drivers and train operators to office workers, ticket-takers, and mechanics. The programs, run by a corporate wellness consulting firm called the Health Enhancement Company, have been offered for several years, and HEC’s president Donna DeFalco estimates they’ve reached 7,200 employees so far. Now, they are rolling out a large-scale daily program geared toward people working on transit vehicles every day, who face uncommon challenges and stressors in their work, such as isolation from their bosses and colleagues and a lack of flexibility while on the job. 

Wellness in the House

This spring a program with potential to ease stress in the nation’s capitol launched at the US House of Representatives. The House Wellness Center brings wellness education and services—including mindfulness—to members and staff of the House. On tap: lunchtime seminars on topics including work–life balance, sleep essentials, and gratitude; assistance with life-management issues, such as childcare; a newsletter providing informational articles, a guide to resources, and wellness tips; and instruction in mindfulness-based stress management, among other skills. 

Ready, set, meditate! 

Started with a wink and fully aware of the paradox, Competitive Meditation looks like it might actually become a thing. Since its creation in 2018 by a writer for tech news site Mashable, the 5-minute meditation showdowns—during which two competitors wear brainwave-detecting headbands that record your number of “thoughts” via weak electrical impulses—have led to matches among video game creators, residents of a meditation center, and employees of the leading mindfulness app, Calm. 

Canada’s first mindfulness grad program to launch

This fall, the University of the Fraser Valley, with four campuses in British Columbia, will launch a 10-month mostly online graduate program in mindfulness-based teaching and learning. It’s the first Canadian university to offer a graduate degree in mindfulness; a handful of universities in the US have also added the topic to their graduate programming. 

The UFV program comprises four courses providing personal exploration of the topic, a deep dive into theory and research in the field, and training to facilitate mindful instruction. The for-credit classes are also designed to be transferable toward numerous professional graduate study programs, including masters and doctoral programs in education. 

“Regardless of your industry, the MBTL graduate certificate prepares you to become a professional mindfulness leader while deepening your own mindfulness practice and knowledge,” the UFV course description reads. 

Books bring us together

In a celebration of community and connection, Dutch street artists Jan Is de Man and Deef Feed created a striking trompe l’oeil mural on an apartment building in Utrecht, Netherlands. They asked residents about their favorite books and painted the suggestions on a massive, multicultural bookshelf, representing eight languages. 

Acts of Kindness
  • While out for dinner with friends in Oxford, Alabama, Jamario Howards noticed a woman eating alone and went over to speak with her. It turned out to be the day before her 60th anniversary with her late husband. He invited her to join him and his friends, and they’ve been meeting her regularly for dinner since.
  • When 80-year-old elementary school janitor Haze Mabry in Zebulon, Georgia, showed up for work on his birthday, instead of finding a messy school to clean, he found nearly 800 students lined up to sing him a happy birthday, hand him buckets of cards, and give him hugs. 
  • In the German town of Bensheim, a chubby rat got stuck in a manhole cover, so a team of eight rescuers, comprised of firefighters and animal rescuers, spent about 25 minutes helping the rat escape to freedom, unharmed. “Even animals that are hated by many people deserve respect,” animal rescuer Michael Sehr told German news agency DPA.
Ask a Meditator

by Sharon Salzberg

Q: What do you suggest when you feel like you’ve done your utmost to live by love and compassion, but then jerks out there take the wind out of your sail and just kind of crush you?

A: I think it’s always helpful if we look at our motivation, and if we feel confident we’re acting from a place of love and compassion, as much as we can. The intention behind an action is a very powerful part of the action. It behooves all of us to use mindfulness to truly pay attention to where we’re coming from. And then, there’s a level of skill in action if you are trying to communicate something. Beyond that is a level over which you don’t have any control. You really don’t. People will respond, but we don’t have to define ourselves and our actions completely by their reaction, because it’s hopeless. If someone is not responding in an appropriate way, or even in a kind way, usually we’re heartbroken. I’m such an idiot. Why do I always give the wrong thing? Or: They’re hopeless. They’re just jerks. That’s the place for equanimity. We do care, but how much do we care? Are we completely defined by something we actually can’t even affect, which is the reaction of somebody else? Or can we have a sense of integrity about our actions based on knowing our motive and that we acted as skillfully as we could?

Mindfulness Without Borders: Charles Hargobind

Charles Hargobind leads the Mindfulness Ambassador Program, put on by Mindfulness Without Borders, in which he guides high school seniors through a 12-week mindfulness training that includes basic meditation instruction, techniques for navigating challenging emotions, and helping teens recognize and understand their internal narratives. Hargobind is a graduate of the program, and he found mindfulness at a particularly painful point in his life. 

Hargobind knew he was gay but was struggling to come to terms with his identity. Finally, he came out to his best friend. “I’m gay,” he told her. “She’s like, ‘What? NO. You can’t be, Charles. Do you know how many times people have asked me and I defended you?’”

His parents also were not immediately accepting of his news. Isolated and afraid, his best friend’s words rang in his ears. No, you can’t be.

“I was in such a dark place, and I kept looking for something to liberate me in some way. When this program came into my life, it gave me the freedom to stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and find it within.”

Hargobind sees mindfulness working for the teens he leads. “Week one they’re hunched over, hoodie on, arms crossed. By week five, they’re open and willing to share their vulnerabilities, willing to share what is challenging them in a moment of anger or happiness, how they’re relating to that emotion, what their narrative around that emotion is.”

Hargobind believes mindfulness can be a lifeline for all youth he works with, but there’s a special place in his heart, and in his work, for at-risk LGBTQ teens. He says mindfulness offers something vital. “You see your mask, you see your vulnerabilities, and you get to be with them, whether that’s happiness, sadness, anger, joy—you get to honor those emotions.” 

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Tuesday, 25 June 2019

Why Your Office Needs More Nature

We’ve all had those times where it feels as though a case of the Mondays extends all week long. Could a dose of nature be what it takes to give us a boost?

According to a study from 2016, workers exposed to sunlight and natural elements in the workplace report better moods, higher satisfaction with their work, and more commitment to their employer.

Workers exposed to sunlight and natural elements in the workplace report better moods, higher satisfaction with their work, and more commitment to their employer.

Researchers at Central Michigan University surveyed hundreds of workers from the United States and India and asked them about natural elements in their workspace, including views out of windows, office plants, and screensavers or wall prints depicting nature scenes. They also asked how much workers were exposed to direct sunlight (from working outside or being able to go outside during the day) or indirect sunlight (through windows), as well as surveying their levels of depression and anxiety symptoms, job stressors, job satisfaction, and commitment to their employer.

Analyzing the data, the researchers found that people with more exposure to natural elements in the office were less depressed, and more satisfied with and committed to their jobs, than those with less nature around them.

Even stronger links were seen for sunlight exposure. Indirect sunlight in the workplace was associated with reduced depressive symptoms, while direct sunlight was linked to increased job satisfaction and employee loyalty—suggesting, in general, that sunshine may be good for people at work.

How Nature Impacts Our Motivation

Why might views of nature or exposure to sunlight have positive impacts on people at the office?

“There is a pretty large literature on the positive effects of nature and sunshine exposure in other settings,” says one of the study’s authors, Stephen Colarelli, though few studies have looked specifically at offices. “Nature has restorative effects, making people feel better in a variety of ways.”

For example, compared to views of walls or non-natural settings, studies have suggested that nature reduces stress, improves mood and recovery from surgery for hospital patients, and helps kids do better in school and feel more positive about their classroom experiences. Even the presence of plants in a room has been shown to increase kind and helpful behavior and well-being, which could have an indirect impact on work relationships and job satisfaction.

In this study, the results suggest that nature may buffer against the effects of stress: The relationship between job stressors and anxiety was weaker for workers exposed to natural elements, as was the relationship between job stressors and lower job satisfaction. There might be other reasons for this—perhaps workers in higher-level positions have offices with nicer views and have greater job satisfaction, regardless of stress levels—but the results held even after controlling for worker age [a proxy for greater responsibility] reducing the plausibility of this explanation.

Nature may buffer against the effects of stress: the relationship between job stressors and anxiety was weaker for workers exposed to natural elements, as was the relationship between job stressors and lower job satisfaction.

“[Our] result helps support the notion that it is exposure to nature that is having the effects,” Colarelli says.

He notes that most companies and interior designers pay scant attention to nature and sunlight exposure, or neglect them in order to keep costs down. But, he suggests, if we want to improve well-being at work, we may want to look at environmental factors more closely.

To that end, he and his colleagues are exploring what types of natural views and built environments are most conducive to restorative effects. He’s also working with colleagues to look at the effects of nature views inside a factory environment in China. He hopes studies like these will support more efforts to bring nature into the workplace.

“We evolved in nature, and our species is adapted in many ways to a natural environment,” he says. “People are likely to feel better and experience greater well-being when their environments are in synch (are matched) with their human nature.”

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

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Monday, 24 June 2019

How Parent’s Love Helps Kids Thrive

That moment when your baby meets your reach to pick her up and molds to your body as you hold her. When your preschooler calls out to you, emphatically pointing at the crescent moon he discovered, and you join him in looking up at the night sky. Or when your fifth grader catches your proud gaze in the audience of other parents during her elementary school graduation ceremony. 

According to emotion scientist Barbara Fredrickson, these small moments are when love happens between parents and their children.

Her research highlights that positive emotions like love, joy, and gratitude help us grow and become better versions of ourselves. While she used to think that all positive emotions were equally helpful, she has come to realize that love might be unique.

She now calls out love as especially beneficial for our health and growth. Apart from slowing down aging, love broadens our awareness of others’ needs and increases our feelings of social connection and oneness with others. Children who have early loving relationships with their parents grow up to be more compassionate adults.

We interviewed Fredrickson about how love grows between parents and their children and why it is important for children’s development.

How Love Differs From Other Emotions

Maryam Abdullah: Your definition of love is different from most conventional definitions. Can you explain how you see love between parents and children?

Barbara Fredrickson: I study emotions, especially positive emotions. One thing that is true of all emotions is that they are short-lived: They last for seconds, maybe minutes, but not hours, weeks, days, years, or a lifetime.

Love is obviously very complex, but one piece of it is an emotional piece. What I study is love the emotion as moments—even micro-moments—of shared positivity that are accompanied with mutual care, concern, and a synchrony that shows up both behaviorally (in terms of nonverbal synchrony) and also biologically (in terms of physiological synchrony). I’m looking for the most elemental unit of love, and that elemental unit of love is these positive warm connections that involve synchrony.

It’s different than the kind of shared positivity you might have if you’re both watching a funny movie. This is more about shared positivity in connection, and when that occurs in a caring way with synchrony, those moments of positive emotions seem to be especially nutritious for our growth and development.

We know from research on parents, infants, and young children that responsive, positive connection is an important resource that helps develop the greater sense of bondedness and trust between parents and kids.

We know from research on parents, infants, and young children that responsive, positive connection is an important resource that helps develop the greater sense of bondedness and trust between parents and kids.

MA: What happens in their minds and bodies when children experience love from their parents?

BF: There is this synchrony in the tempo of action and connection, often through eye contact and touch, that is evident when we see a parent and child really connecting or showing this positive dance of responsiveness that is also connected to physiological synchrony. For example, there’s some work coming out of Ruth Feldman’s research labthat shows synchrony in subtle shifts in oxytocin.

Oxytocin is the neuropeptide that has been linked to social connectedness, bondedness, caring, and protecting people you love, and also plays a complex role in in-group versus out-group relations. Oxytocin, which has often been related to big bonding moments like sexual activity, childbirth, and lactation, also shows subtle shifts that are associated with these warm moments of connection. These ways in which people, including parents and their kids, co-experience positive emotions have clear biological signatures.

There is some evidence to suggest that there’s an important neural synchrony, as well. The more two individuals are sharing the same moment, ideas, or focus, their neural activity ends up being very similar. We’ve done some work to show that there’s synchrony in other biological signals like heart rate and respiration.

Finding Opportunities to Show Love

MA: Attunement seems to be an important prerequisite for us to experience love, but this can be hard for parents when they are trying to juggle work and family demands. What are some ways parents can tune into their children more so that love can flourish?

BF: I think having an appreciation for those moments that are the most elemental unit of love and how those are what help people and children feel loved and feel that they can trust and be open. What I like about this theory, which is what I call positivity resonance theory, is that it helps to point out how you would create this mysterious thing that we call love, and these other mysterious things called trust and commitment, because we know we can’t just talk ourselves into loving and trusting.

One of the things we know about positivity resonance is that there are a few preconditions for such moments to emerge. One of them is a sense of safety in this current circumstance that allows you to be more open and other-focused. Sometimes people think of safety as a monolithic thing—that you’re either in a safe home or neighborhood or not. But there are momentary shifts in perceived safety—when you feel safe in this moment and context. 

The other precondition for positivity resonance to emerge is real-time sensory connection, best exemplified by being face to face. It’s also possible to achieve somewhat through shared voice only, but eye contact seems to be central to this. If we take this notion seriously of real-time sensory connection as being a necessary platform for positivity resonance or momentary love to emerge, then a parent can support that by putting away all other distractions. The day-to-day experiences of love can’t be supported when our attention is drawn to so many different things. So prioritize those activities and moments in your day when you can jointly experience something fun, silly, and comforting together, and recognize that touch, eye contact, and tracking one another’s emotions is your key to that. 

One of the best examples of positivity resonance are those moments of smiling at a baby and of trying to get a baby to smile back at you—that is a delicate dance. You need to bring your full attention to it, but also be really attuned to what level of [intensity] is appropriate for that baby because if you come on too strong, you can make the baby cry instead of laugh even if your intention is to make it fun.

The day-to-day experiences of love can’t be supported when our attention is drawn to so many different things. So prioritize those activities and moments in your day when you can jointly experience something fun, silly, and comforting together.

We just need to be able to find the spirit of that moment that works with older children, because now it’s a little more through conversation, maybe a little less emphasis just on nonverbal expression, but nonverbal expression is still really key. It’s not like our need for that warmth and that dance of responsiveness goes away, but it just gets accompanied by words. If we think about how we connect with preverbal infants, we can try to bring some of that same connection once we have more verbal connections with our kids.

We know that positivity resonance withers when people try to connect over technology instead of face to face. So even having the distraction of the possibility that your parent can be pulled away by looking at their phone can be a hindrance.

MA: Are there any other ways that parents may miss out on opportunities to show love?

BF: I think that having an openness to the things that interest your kid and just going in that direction [is important]. For me, as a small example, I’ve never in my life really been much of a sports fan until I had two boys—and then it was the thing that we could do together and that I came to enjoy because I enjoy their enjoyment. Now, the best is actually going to see sporting events so we can high-five at a good play and just enjoy being spectators together in person. Or if we’re not able to be together because now I have a son in college, finding ways to ask them, “Did you see that game?” Without trying, I became a sports fan so that I could stay with the interests of my kids.

MA: Your view of love is expansive and without borders. How can parents help their children broaden their experience of love beyond their family and close friends?

BF: Kids learn a lot through modeling, so parents can be having warm positive connections with people they encounter in their community—even if it’s a one-time encounter with the person making their coffee or another parent at the school. The more that we adults have moments of positivity resonance with strangers and acquaintances in our community in the presence of our kids, the more our kids learn how important it is to connect and be attuned to everybody in the right moment in a context that feels safe and involves face-to-face connection. The more we disregard everybody except those in our family, the more our kids will learn to disregard everybody else except those in the family.

One of the things I argue about positivity resonance is that it is not exclusive. Sharing positive emotions is something we can do with any other human and our mammal pets probably, as well. It is a kind, caring way to connect with people. The more we connect more broadly with members of our community and in open, respectful ways, the more our kids learn that, too.

MA: You’ve argued that love is supremely consequential for human development. Why?

BF: A lot of that comes from developmental science on how important responsive, caring, attuned parenting is because, poignantly, a subset of parents and caregivers who are unable to offer that kind of caring attunement are depressed caregivers. We know that depressed caregivers have much less behavioral synchrony with their kids. One feature of depression is “psychomotor retardation”—it’s like you’re wearing that lead apron from the dentist’s office, making people move differently and without that behavioral synchrony and shared smiles. A lot of depression (not all of it) is also associated with “anhedonia” or the inability to feel positive emotions. The consequences for children of having a depressed caregiver last for decades. It affects social development and cognitive development into adolescence if you had a depressed caregiver in infancy.

These moments of positive connection that parents can develop with their kids are, as an affective neuroscientist described, like fertilizer for the brain. They support brain development and social skill development. One of the most important things we can give to our kids is that caring attuned attention. Finding ways to prioritize that within each day as a parent is tough. We’re all juggling a million things, but we don’t want to juggle out our kids and our ability to connect in those ways.

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

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Friday, 21 June 2019

The Courage to Love – Part 2


The gateway to full intimacy and love is our capacity to open to vulnerability. These two talks look at our ways of avoiding vulnerability, and offer guidance in learning to contact and transform our fears into awake and loving presence.

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Four Ways to Mindfully Appreciate Nature

There’s a considerable amount of pessimism surrounding our relationship to the planet and what we’ll have to do going forward to keep things on even keel. And new research suggests we tend to think we’re all doomed, even as we hope for a better personal future. So how can we put that personal optimism to work in addressing environmental problems?

We think having a few mindfulness practices that foster a positive connection to nature—from leafy forests to office ferns—could help bring that personal optimism to a more public arena.

Here are four ways you can mindfully appreciate nature, with examples offered by scientists and researchers:

1) Consider your own connection to nature.

“Every time we breathe in, we’re breathing in other organisms,” says David Haskell, author of The Forest Unseen. “Our bodies are covered in bacteria that has come from all over the place. Our bodies are communities of bacteria.”

If you’re thinking that being indoors in front of a computer screen doesn’t lend itself to this kind of inventory, Haskell says we can think of the web as a smaller version of a much larger web of biological connections.

“These days we’re very attuned, thinking about networks like Facebook and Twitter and all that,” says Haskell, “but in nature it’s more than Facebook. It’s whole Bodybook. In some ways the Internet is a rediscovery of what biology has been doing for billions of years.”

Appreciating our connection to nature is an essential practice that can even be taught to young children.

2) Foster greater awareness of your natural surroundings.

Consider how your senses help you relate to your environment, in both dramatic and small ways.

“I was in Alaska with my son, going up a stream, being taught by a guide how to smell for bears,” says Richard Louv, author of The Nature Principle. “The Alaskan Brown Bears are the ones who’d like to have you over for dinner to eat you. Once you’ve smelled that smell, you never forget it. That’s an example of using a sense for a very important purpose.”

And while not all of us are going to be in Alaska, we can tune into the environment that’s around us every day by taking a mindful garden walk to appreciate the nature in our own backyards.

3) Actively appreciate the good and growing things that surround us.

As difficult as it may feel, we can acknowledge the destruction of our natural world while continuing to open our hearts to the nature we deeply cherish.

The feeling of awe that we get when we’re surrounded by nature can even contribute to making us happier and healthier.

“Mindfulness teachings point us to meet the present moment as it is: We behold both the beauty of nature and the devastation that is occurring,” author Mark Coleman explains.

The feeling of awe that we get when we’re surrounded by nature can even contribute to making us happier and healthier.

4) Accept that better understanding can lead to a better change.

“Over human history nature has become ‘other,’ something separate,” says Lauren Oakes, a researcher at Stanford University, who measures the evidence of climate change on the environment. “I actually physically feel something when I stand in a forest that’s alive and healthy, than one that’s dead. As a person I naturally feel responsible for things. How does that knowledge affect us? What role does hope play in a connection to that resource?”

Understanding the role we play in protecting our natural environment is an essential step towards ensuring it not only survives, but thrives.

“That word, sustainable, sounds to most people like survival,” says Louv. “The bare minimum. That doesn’t get most people excited. Obviously, survival is important but we weren’t put here just to survive, we were put here to create. What if we could begin to imagine a nature-rich future with new kinds of cities, homes and neighborhoods? New kinds of workplaces? If we don’t aim much higher than sustainability, we’ll never reach it.”

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Thursday, 20 June 2019

Meditation: Wakeful, Open Awareness (19:39 min.)


When we awaken our senses, we can sense in the background a wakeful openness that is our true home. This meditation guides us by first attending to the space, aliveness and awareness that fills the body, and then by sensing how interior and exterior space is continuous, and suffused with the light of awareness.

“As you sit in the stillness, let your senses be awake…
aware of listening…
aware of the sounds around you…
aware of the sensations and feelings in your body…
aware of any strong emotions that might be here…
and aware in the background of that presence…
that openness that’s noticing what’s happening…”

photo: Cristina Gottardi, unsplash.com

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Tuesday, 18 June 2019

Training the Brains of Warriors

The bell rings, and the 21 cadets in Major Matt Jarman’s leadership class at Virginia Military Institute stand at attention as their highest-ranking classmate salutes the professor. Though the weather outside is mild, the cadets are dressed in their winter uniforms. Black neckties are tied in Windsor knots and tucked between the second and third buttons of their black long-sleeved shirts. Woolen garrison hats sit on the classroom tables next to open laptops.

“Today we’re going to do a little introduction to meditation,” says Jarman, an assistant professor of psychology. This is not what future military officers usually hear, so he cautiously probes their receptiveness. “When you hear mindfulness meditation, what do you think?”

The cadets call out free-association words: purposeful, tranquility, recalibrating. One attempts a longer definition. “It’s almost like slow motion,” he says. “You know the next move you’ve got to make. You have to do it quickly. But in your mind, you slow everything around you, so that you can make that decision as efficiently as possible.”

“How often are you guys distracted or daydreaming?” Jarman asks. “How often are you stressed?” All the time, the class responds in various forms. Days are regimented at VMI, a state-supported college that feeds into all five US armed forces. Rules govern everything from how cadets arrange their toiletries to what they wear to sleep. 

Jarman explains that an emerging body of research suggests that mindfulness practices might help troops cope with the rigors of military life, particularly as they prepare for combat. Studies with Army soldiers and Marines have found that mindfulness strengthens concentration, short-term memory, and emotional regulation—essential skills under fire. 

“Pre-deployment training is intentionally stressful and demanding, right?” Jarman tells his students. “If you look at cognitive function of those service members at the end of that, it’s depleted, understandably.” Compromised thinking causes troubles on the battlefield. “If you’re making a life-or-death decision, you want to be able to hold more things in mind—to consider more options, more avenues—before making a decision. When you’re depleted, it’s literally more difficult to do that.”

“If you’re making a life-or-death decision, you want to be able to hold more things in mind—to consider more options, more avenues—before making a decision.”

There are practices that can help maintain mental capacity under stress, he says. One of them is mindfulness meditation.

When Jarman began teaching at VMI in 2015, he worried that cadets would dismiss meditation as a practice unbefitting a warrior. He needn’t have worried. His students see their own role models meditating. “I heard LeBron James does it during games,” one young man says of the basketball star. “It makes me think that I should probably start doing it.”

Jarman explains that meditation is not meant to be fun. Focusing on one’s breathing, observing when the mind wanders, and returning attention back to breath requires discipline. It’s like weight-training, he says: “Every time you notice you’re distracted and bring your mind back, you can think of that as a repetition at the gym.”

Then it’s time to practice. The cadets sit upright, tuck in their chins, and shift their gazes downward. The room falls silent for five minutes. Afterward, Jarman asks for reactions.

“My mind was really good at sneaking getting distracted,” says a cadet. “Not just random thoughts, but thinking about the meditation.”

“Our minds are very clever,” Jarman says. As we try to quiet them, they manufacture what seem like critical insights. “That’s the beauty of the system: You treat any thought, no matter the content, the same way. You notice it, let it pass, return to breath.”

Many of these cadets will join the armed forces: VMI says 50 to 60 percent of its graduates take military commissions, and almost one-fifth make it their careers. They will enter the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard at a time when researchers are recommending that mindfulness become as integral a part of training as physical fitness. As evidence mounts that practices like meditation could cultivate a better-skilled fighting force, the military is still deciding whether to heed the advice. 

The United States has been sending troops into conflict zones for most of the past two decades, and the stresses faced by fighting forces can be crushing. Army Lieutenant General Walt Piatt discovered in the years following the September 11 attacks how those stresses bleed over into life back home. 

At the time, Piatt was a brigade commander with the 25th Infantry Division at Schofield Barracks in Hawaii. He had deployed to Iraq every other year and watched some of his soldiers melt down whenever they returned Stateside. They drank too much, beat their spouses, and drove their motorcycles dangerously fast. 

“It’s like getting off a freeway and getting into an elevator,” he says of those homecomings. “Everything slows down, but our mind was still in that combat zone, operating at that level of alertness that was no longer required.”

The Army’s reintegration training, designed to ease soldiers back into family life, couldn’t keep pace with that depressurization. “We were desperate,” says Piatt, who now serves as director of the Army Staff. “What we had been doing had not been working.” 

Through a colleague, Piatt met one of the country’s top scientists in the mindfulness arena: Amishi Jha, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Miami. Jha and Elizabeth Stanley, an associate professor of security studies at Georgetown University, had earlier conducted a pilot study with Marine reservists preparing to deploy to Iraq. That study, first published in 2010, tested how mindfulness training affected “working memory capacity,” the ability to retain and use relevant information over short periods of time without being distracted.

“I describe working memory as the mind’s whiteboard, with disappearing ink,” says Jha, a cognitive neuroscientist. “What we put up there, and write over and over again, moment by moment, makes up our current conscious experience. If your whiteboard is filled with preoccupations, worries, random distracting thoughts, and whatever your technology is throwing at you, there’s not going to be a lot of room left for you to have access to the information you need to make important decisions.” It will also be harder, she says, to regulate your emotions.

Researching the Impact of Mindfulness

Before shipping overseas, troops undergotraining that includes “stress inoculation,” designed to prepare them for the intensity of combat. High stress, however, often depletes working memory. The researchers hoped that mindfulness training might help the Marines survive the pre-deployment period with their cognitive skills intact.

The results of the pilot study, Stanley says, exceeded her expectations. Among Marines who practiced mindfulness at least 12 minutes a day, “they didn’t just preserve working memory capacity,” she says. “They actually improved.” The more they practiced, the more they benefited.

After the pilot study, Jha and Stanley wanted to expand their research. “We had a series of grants in the can,” Jha says, “but couldn’t find anyone who would take on our project, because we were asking for quite a bit of time.”

They found a champion in Piatt. The general helped them launch a study at Schofield Barracks in 2010 that demonstrated that certain types of mindfulness training helped servicemembers concentrate better and tune out distractions, even as they prepared for deployment. Piatt also advised Jha and her colleague Scott Rogers as they developed a program called Mindfulness-Based Attention Training (MBAT), crafted for military populations and designed to be taught by non-experts.

Working with Piatt, says Jha, has given her “the support of a leader who is interested in mindfulness and has actually started practicing himself.” She also gained an ally who understands military culture, and how to use language to win support. Piatt talks about mindfulness as “zeroing the mind,” just as a soldier zeroes a weapon by aligning the sight with the target. “The soldiers will understand it,” Piatt says. “It translates better and then you reduce that wall of skepticism.”

Jha continues to expand her research. She’s talking with militaries in other countries. She’s collaborating with VMI’s Jarman on a project looking at mindfulness and leadership skills. She has worked, too, with military spouses. This year she published an article chronicling her work with 120 members of a US special-operations forces unit. (She can’t say which branch.) That study, published in the journal Progress in Brain Research, showed that the elite troops gained working memory, and were better able to pay attention, when they took a month-long mindfulness class and practiced the skills daily.

Much of Jha’s research today focuses not on proving the value of mindfulness training, but rather on figuring out how to best implement it in a time-constrained military. “What’s a good amount of time that would allow units to take it on, and not so burdensome that they say, ‘Forget it, we can’t do it’?” she asks. 

Jha’s interaction with the special-operations forces highlights the quandary: “They said, ‘Can you give them this mindfulness training in one day?’ They didn’t really understand: Would you ever train for a marathon in a day?” 

“They said, ‘Can you give them this mindfulness training in one day?’ They didn’t really understand: Would you ever train for a marathon in a day?” 

For some of the elite forces, Jha did try to compress the eight-hour training into two weeks. She found it considerably less effective than a four-week program. (Earlier trainings were spread over eight weeks.)

This type of inquiry makes Stanley uneasy, and she has parted company with Jha over it. “Some military leaders were interested in seeing how low can you go,” she says. That approach, she worries, could backfire if service members don’t receive a full suite of coping tools. “Mindfulness alone, without the skills to re-regulate the mind-body system, may flood someone with heightened attention on their stress, which may amplify their stress arousal and its cognitive, emotional, and physiological effects,” she says. Stanley believes the training must be gradual, taught by experienced instructors, and combined with other skills to help soldiers “rewire” how they process difficult experiences. She favors a 20-hour curriculum.

Jha says that she and other researchers are looking for solutions that are safe and effective, and also realistic within the military’s culture. “We need to balance the time burden of taking minutes away from their training calendar with not going so low that it’s not effective,” she says. “If it’s a non-starter to offer a 20-hour program, even if in the end it may have some more subtle benefits, I just can’t go into that direction. I still have to meet people where they’re at.” 

Mindfulness researchers elsewhere have had promising results working with submariners in France and soldiers in the Israel Defense Force. Last April, participants at a NATO-sponsored wellness conference in Berlin heard from Anders Meland, a Norwegian psychologist who studied a helicopter unit in his country. Meland found that mindfulness practices reduced stress by creating a “restful, alert, and flexible state of mind.”

At City University of London, psychologist Jutta Tobias Mortlock has been working with the United Kingdom Ministry of Defence, which she says is trying to build a culture with “less command and control.” In particular, she’s looking at “collective mindfulness”: a team’s ability to anticipate and deal with conflict by remaining engaged with one another rather than retreating into individual corners.

The US military is conducting its own studies. Thomas Nassif, a research psychologist at the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, analyzed survey data from 1,100 soldiers returning from Afghanistan. “You talk about a pretty banged-up population,” he says: Most had dodged small-arms fire, witnessed dead bodies, and known others who were killed or seriously injured. Nassif found that the most mindful participants—those who noticed, and then let go of, their distressing thoughts—were less likely to suffer from pain, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They also engaged in fewer risky behaviors like driving recklessly, carrying weapons needlessly, and looking for fights.

Nassif has just conducted a study at Hawaii’s Schofield Barracks to see whether mindfulness training can improve performance in skills like marksmanship, along with health outcomes like sleep quality. He’s currently analyzing the data. 

More developed is the body of research that shows meditation, yoga, and related practices to be valuable for veterans with PTSD. Anthony King, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan, says that mindfulness-based therapies can help those who avoid situations like crowded supermarkets, which might trigger their symptoms.

Avoidance, many experts believe, helps perpetuate PTSD symptoms. “People don’t get normal environmental extinction of these fear memories because they never go out, because they protect themselves from coming into contact with things that remind them of their trauma,” King says. Exposure therapy, in which veterans intentionally visit safe places that trigger anxiety, is by definition unpleasant. But mindfulness, he says, can serve as a gentler form of exposure therapy.

“Rather than putting yourself in a crowded situation that might cause panic,” King says, “you’re actually just exposing yourself to the extemporaneous contents of your mind—what’s happening that moment. And rather than reacting in horror, or trying to distract, or turn on the TV, or turn on the radio, or exercise, or whatever, in the mindfulness meditation you’re invited to just sit with that: to watch that thought arise, watch it develop, watch it pass.”

With mounting evidence that mindfulness practices can produce warriors who are more attentive, less distracted, and more emotionally resilient, some researchers argue that such training should become routine for all troops. 

“The level of seriousness taken for physical training shows up in how much time is given daily for it,” says Jha. “What I’d like to see is that that same level of seriousness is offered to mental training.”

The armed forces are not quick adopters. Research by Jha and other scientists “is slowly gathering the attention of the military in very serious ways,” says General Piatt. But there is currently no systemwide initiative to incorporate mindfulness into troop training. “Sadly, I haven’t been as successful as I would like to have been,” he says.

Some of the reason is cultural, says Valerie Rice, a mindfulness researcher at the US Army Research Laboratory at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas. “I had a commander tell me, flat out, ‘I don’t want my soldiers to go to a mindfulness class because after the class they’ll be relaxed and lazy,’” she says. That’s why studies matter, she adds: They help convince military leaders there’s data to support this new type of training. “It takes time and it takes information, and it takes recognition and belief in the results,” she says.

Nancy Skopp, a research psychologist at the US Department of Defense’s Psychological Health Center of Excellence in Falls Church, Virginia, points to the military’s research investment—its grants to Jha, for example—as evidence of its serious interest. “DoD will fund a project that looks promising, and based on those results, then that can influence policy,” she says. Skopp singles out Jha’s efforts to train non-experts as trainers: “If mindfulness nonclinicians can deliver this, then it can be disseminated more rapidly.”

Jha isn’t discouraged by the slow pace of adoption. “I am glad that they’re wanting the science to be strong enough before they roll it out,” she says. “Whatever they decide to roll out will be interrogated, scrutinized for evidence base. And now we’ve established the evidence base.”

Working with Stress Warriors

by Stephanie Domet

Amishi Jha knew she needed help when her toddler looked up at her during story time and asked what a Womp was. Jha had read this same book to her son dozens of times, and had been truly looking forward to spending this time with him. “What is he talking about?” she remembers thinking, realizing she didn’t have a clue—though she’d been reading about Womps for several pages, and had over successive nights. 

She was in her second year as an assistant professor, her husband was starting grad school, and she’d lost the feeling in her teeth from grinding them so ferociously. “I was at the point of quitting. I needed to do something that felt more manageable to me.”

That something turned out to be meditation, and it became more than just a personal daily practice for her. A neuroscientist, Jha began to study the effects of mindfulness on people in high-stress cohorts, like medical students and nurses. 

A tragic story turned her attention in another direction. The perpetrator of a school shooting near Philadelphia, where she then lived, was identified in early news reports as a military veteran. And though it turned out the shooter had no connection to the military, for Jha, there was a moment of sharp recognition. 

“At that point we were already eight years into this Afghanistan conflict, and I felt we were seeding our society with psychosis but there was nothing being done to protect against that. So my openness to working with military personnel came from: What can I possibly do?”

As much as Jha may have met with some resistance from soldiers, she began this work a decade ago with resistance of her own. She didn’t know anyone in the military then, and she was raised Hindu, with a strong adherence to nonviolence. “Working with warriors is a really new experience for me, but what I’ve come to understand about many of the people I’ve met is peace is more important to them, because they’re the front line of having to actually play a role in achieving it.” 

For Jha, that makes the work she’s doing all the more vital, though it brings with it challenges her peers don’t necessarily face in their labs, where tightly controlled studies are carried out with the participation of volunteer subjects. “I don’t have that. I have to work with the timeline military leaders offer me. I get the visits that I get. But we are helping real people in their real lives be better able to face the challenges that we as a nation are asking them to endure.”

And Jha hears from those real people about the impact mindfulness has had on their lives, like the helicopter pilot who got in touch to say, “Literally, mindfulness saved my life. I heard your podcast, and I asked my brigade surgeon to teach me about mindfulness and I gained an understanding of my mind that helped me not only in my job, but in my marriage.” Jha says, “Obviously that’s not me, that’s the practice, but it does make me feel like the effort that has gone into it—and it is a difficult journey to bring these practices into communities that don’t always feel that they need them—when you hear that it gives people something of their own capacity back, that’s really exciting.”

That helicopter pilot isn’t an outlier. Jha says she regularly hears from military personnel who have had mindfulness training that they are able to be in the joyful, human moments of their lives with attention—as well as have tools at their disposal to reach for in the life-and-death moments they may face in the field. “You want to be there for the joys in your life, but the distractibility, the demand, and the rumination can just suck you away from those moments, and you don’t know how to get back, and what I feel we get the privilege to hear from people is: I am able to be attentive and present for these precious moments of my life as well. It’s not just the job, it’s the whole person benefiting from this.”

Jha says those benefits apply equally to leaders as they do to soldiers. “It has a positive contagion for the entire organization when the leader is informed and able to practice mindfulness,” she says. She was invited to give a keynote address at a symposium called Evidence-based Leader Interventions for Health and Wellness as part of a NATO conference in Berlin, Germany, in April. And some military leaders are already on board. Jha remembers a conversation she had with a former US Surgeon General. “When he left the Army, they did an exit interview with him and asked what is one thing we could have offered you that would have helped you be an even better leader, and he said, ‘I wish I had learned mindfulness earlier in my career.’ That meant a lot to me,” Jha says. “He sees it.”

Should Mindfulness Be Taught to The Military?

Mindfulness, a basic human capability that can be cultivated through meditation, has historically been associated with various forms of Buddhist practice. Some within that community have questioned whether it’s appropriate to use meditation in secular institutions with different values. That’s at the heart of an ongoing debate over the use of such training in the military.

To neuroscientist Amishi Jha, the answer lies in the evidence. In lab experiments measuring attention, service members trained in mindfulness make fewer testing errors. “They’re less likely to press the button when they shouldn’t,” she says. “When people turn that task into a shoot/no-shoot version, we can hope they’ll be less likely to pull the trigger when they shouldn’t.”

Still, some practitioners in the Buddhist tradition have challenged the premise of Jha’s research. In 2014, the now-defunct journal Inquiring Minds published a commentary by dharma instructor Ronald Purser, who lamented the reframing of mindfulness as a “decontextualized, ethically neutral, attention- enhancement technique” rather than a spiritual practice.

Fundamental to Buddhist mindfulness, Purser wrote, is “a cardinal prohibition against intentionally killing a living being.” That, argued the San Francisco State University management professor, makes it incompatible with military training. In the armed forces, “new recruits are systematically trained to kill, maim, and inflict harm when ordered through desensitization, operational conditioning, and denial defense mechanisms.” 

The journal also published a counterpoint by Georgetown University’s Elizabeth Stanley, who has done intensive mindfulness practice in Myanmar, and whose family has served in the US Army since the Revolutionary War.

“If the nation’s leaders have decided to send troops into harm’s way, those troops’ hearts, minds, and bodies will experience the stressors of war—whether they are mindfully paying attention or not,” wrote the former Army intelligence officer. “With mindfulness, however, they are more likely to see the environment around them clearly, without being influenced by unconscious ‘survival brain’ filters that can exaggerate what’s really there. They are more likely to regulate their hard-wired stress response and the reactive impulses this stress response can create.” 

As a result, Stanley wrote, “they are more likely to pull the trigger only when they really need to—when imminent harm to themselves or those they are protecting actually exists.” 

Try This Focused Meditation Practice

How can mindfulness practices be adapted for military culture? The University of Miami’s Amishi Jha and Scott Rogers, developers of Mindfulness-Based Attention and Training (MBAT), created this sample practice.

This 12-minute drill aims to bring the mind “At Attention” from a seated position, in the same way one can be called to the standing position of attention. 

  1. Sit in an upright and stable position.
  2. Keep your head erect and facing straight to the front as you breathe.
  3. Keep your arms hanging straight without stiffness, allowing your hands to rest flat on top of your thighs.
  4. Slowly and with intention, bring your heels together, toes pointed out at a 45-degree angle.
  5. Relax your heels, noticing their contact with the ground.
  6. Next, bring the mind to attention.
  7. Bring awareness to your posture and to the contact points your body makes with the chair and floor.
  8. Rest your attention on your breath, noticing the natural flow of the in-breath and the out-breath.  
  9. Direct your attention to sensations in the abdomen, or where air enters your nose or mouth.
  10. When you notice that your mind has wandered, which it will, for it is in the nature of the mind to wander, redeploy your attention to the breath.
  11. Continue this practice of attending to the breath, deliberately escorting your attention back to the breath when you notice that your mind has wandered. 
  12. Hold the mind At Attention in this manner for the remainder of this drill, steady, and noticing.
  13. As we conclude this
  14. At Attention Drill, return to the At Ease position. Resume your duty day activities.

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When Mindful Awareness Meets Sexual Desire

Shelina was a typical 48-year-old married woman and mother of two. She had a thriving career as the lead realtor at her firm, her teenage children were well adjusted and confident, and she and her husband, Akmal, had a rich circle of friends and social activities. However, Shelina had a secret she could not share. The fire that she once felt when gazing at her partner was now a dull flicker. 

During her weekly sexual encounters—planned for Friday nights between 11:00 and 11:15 pm—she deliberately avoided the foreplay she used to enjoy. No more kissing, touching, or caressing. She would zone out while Akmal touched her—thinking about plans for the next day and engaging very little with her body—prompting him to move directly to sexual intercourse, which she found unrewarding. And the less gratifying that sex had become, the more her sexual motivation had diminished. 

Many women can relate to Shelina’s dilemma. Despite the societal obsession with sexuality, sexual difficulties are immensely prevalent. Women around the world and across ages have difficulty reaching orgasm; insufficient lubrication affects not just postmenopausal or breastfeeding women but women of all ages, regardless of their hormonal status. Like Shelina, many women find that sex is often unrewarding. And the motivation for sex is drastically reduced, or simply not there, for countless women.

What We Know About Women and Sex

Sexual difficulties are common. And low sexual desire, in particular, is consistently the most common sex-related concern that women report, whether they are from North or South America, Europe, Australia, or Asia. 

Women also experience a great degree of shame about their sexual concerns, believing that they “should” want sex more, they “should” enjoy sex like everyone else they know does, and they “should” know what they want sexually and how to ask for it. 

Unfortunately, women are often oblivious to the fact that some of the women they believe are enjoying frequent and passionate sex are actually secretly experiencing a similar set of sexual problems.

Stress: The Libido Killer

Increasingly, we rely on technological advances to accomplish the never-ending list of tasks on our to-do list and “multitask.” Being “able” to eat, respond to emails, surf the internet, check Facebook, and help a child with homework all at the same time makes many of us feel proficient, and we take pride in balancing all these different activities at the same time. 

Yet research suggests that the daily grind can be extremely stressful for many of us, and multitasking may contribute to our feeling that we cannot get our head above water. In fact, according to the Stress in America Survey, up to one-third of Americans have reported extreme stress in their daily lives since 2013.

Neuroscientists have shown that multitasking may not be as productive as we think it is. We shift between tasks in rapid serial progression. This rapid shifting carries a “cognitive load,” or certain amount of mental effort, and each “switch” is associated with a cost in our brain’s processing ability and speed. 

How are we dealing with never-ending to-do lists, floundering in a sea of tasks, and feeling the burden of daily challenges relevant to sexuality? It turns out that they are implicated in the loss of desire for sex in particular. 

How are we dealing with never-ending to-do lists, floundering in a sea of tasks, and feeling the burden of daily challenges relevant to sexuality? It turns out that they are implicated in the loss of desire for sex in particular. 

If our brains are perpetually engaged in multitasking, as we continually attend to numerous competing demands on our attention, we actually spend very little time living in the present moment. We vacillate between thinking about the future (planning, worrying, strategizing) and living in the past (replaying scenes, ruminating over conversations, mourning missed opportunities). We spend far more time living outside of the present moment than in the present moment.

Brain-imaging studies show that distraction and inattention impair our ability to attend to and process sexual cues. Even in a highly sexually arousing situation, our brains may not be paying attention to sexual triggers that are necessary to elicit a sexual response. It is as if the body is present but the mind is elsewhere—lost in thoughts, memories, or plans.

How Mindfulness Helps

Mindfulness is about fully inhabiting the present moment, without trying to change anything. It involves a complete acceptance of who you are and what your experience is—without judgment.  Whether it is for the treatment of chronic pain, stress, or arousal, it can be used to tune in instead of tuning out and to bring our full awareness to these bare sensations—moment by moment. 

There is great variability in people’s awareness levels of their bodies. For example, some people are aware of their heart rate and can estimate, within a few beats of accuracy, their own heartbeats per minute. Other people are aware of small changes in muscle tension and can use that awareness. There is also evidence that judgmental thoughts about being inadequate or feelings of embarrassment, guilt, or anxiety can interfere with a person’s interoceptive awareness (awareness of stimuli within the body). 

In a study from the University of Toronto comparing novice meditators with experienced meditators, participants had areas of their brain scanned with functional magnetic resonance imaging under two different conditions. In one condition, the participants were given instructions to focus mindfully on their moment-by-moment sensations and during moments of distraction to gently guide their attention back to the present moment. In the other condition, the participants were presented with words and told to figure out what a presented word meant for them, to judge themselves for what they were feeling, and to allow themselves to get caught up in the contents of their thoughts. There were distinct differences in brain activation when participants engaged in mindfulness and when they allowed themselves to get caught up in their thoughts. 

There were other interesting findings from this study. The group that had participated in an eight-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program showed reduced activity in areas of the brain associated with emotions, suggesting that one of the ways mindfulness is effective is through reducing emotional activation associated with body sensations. Thus, when one experiences the sensations of pain, for example, mindfulness reduces the tendency to feel emotions such as sadness, anger, and despair in response to that pain. 

Furthermore, when the meditators were distracted, they maintained awareness of their body, whereas those untrained in mindfulness did not. The researchers postulated that even in stressful conditions, experienced meditators maintain an awareness of what is happening in their body at all times. And the more daily mindfulness that participants practiced, the more they could maintain this state of body awareness.

How might this be relevant to women with low sexual desire? 

The research shows that women low in interoceptive awareness are more likely to have clinical symptoms such as depression, poor self-image, and symptoms of an eating disorder, and training in mindfulness improves each of these conditions. They are also more likely to judge themselves negatively, which impedes sexual desire. 

Could it really be this simple—that teaching women to tune in to their body, to the signs that their body is already producing, and making them aware of these sensations can be enough to trigger sexual desire?

Furthermore, we have evidence that, in general, women’s concordance between their self-reported and physical sexual response is low, and that training in mindfulness significantly increases the degree of mind-to-body communication and improves self-reported interoceptive awareness. In turn, improvements in women’s interoceptive awareness predict improvements in their levels of sexual desire and reductions in their feelings of sex-related distress. 

The take-home message is this: Mindfulness teaches women to become more aware of their internal bodily sensations, including sexual sensations, and this may improve their motivations for sex and increase their tendency to notice sexual arousal and have that arousal trigger sexual desire.

Could it really be this simple—that teaching women to tune in to their body, to the signs that their body is already producing, and making them aware of these sensations can be enough to trigger sexual desire? I offer a tentative “yes” to this question. 

Why tentative? Because awareness of internal bodily sensations is only one of potentially many different ways that mindfulness exerts its beneficial effects on sexual desire. Without a doubt, when we pay attention to the body in a kind, compassionate, nonjudgmental, and present-oriented way, it offers us a new way of being in the world. And that new way of being might just be critical for the sexual satisfaction that so many women crave.

Try It: Bathing Mindfully

Take a bath or a shower. As you do so, notice particular parts of your body, such as your hands, arms, breasts, stomach, legs, and feet. Focus your attention on your body and let your thoughts simply “be as they are” in the background. Use all of your senses as you do this to enhance the experience. For example, notice the texture of your skin, its color, and what sounds or smells might emerge as you bathe.

Once you have finished and have dried off, spend a few minutes noticing yourself in a mirror. What can you appreciate about your body? (Think about function—not just appearance.) Are there parts of your body that give you a sense of pleasure or pride? Are there any parts of your body that you do not appreciate? Your body is alive. What does it feel like? Are there aspects of your body that deserve more attention? As you do this, notice any emotions you may be feeling, both positive and negative. It will be important to leave this exercise with the feeling that your experience of your body is a balance of things you do like or appreciate and perhaps things you do not or wish were different. 

Throughout the rest of the day, be aware of your body as you engage in your daily routine.

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What My Dog Taught Me About Acceptance

Stretched into a Downward Facing Dog pose in a yoga class, I listened as the instructor talked about the “cycle of acceptance.” Modeled on Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of loss and grief, the cycle is a way of absorbing a painful blow and working your way through to, well, acceptance. When our teacher suggested that each of us identify the situation that we most needed to resolve, I knew mine immediately. It had to do with my then-husband, who had just started divorce proceedings: “Accept Jim for who he is and let go.”

Since separating from my ex, I had zigzagged around feelings of denial, depression, bargaining, and anger (yes, mostly anger). But I couldn’t move closer to acceptance. Guided meditations helped some, especially a few specifically on “acceptance” and “surrender,” but still fell short. Looking back now, however, I’ve come to realize that it was my relationship with Zoe, my now-16-year-old Jack Russell terrier, that revealed critical lessons about acceptance that were strong enough to dissipate my lingering anger. 

Hello Zoe, the Terrier-ist

Zoe came as a package deal with Jim 14 years ago, when she was a two-year-old “terrier-ist.” We each brought a dog to our romantic partnership: My canine baggage included Max, a rescue Cocker Spaniel then pushing 10. He was sweet as honeysuckle nectar, if a bit goofy and completely clueless—and Zoe, too smart and too wound up, wanted nothing to do with him. Early on, she set the tone when she backed Max into a corner and bloodied him with her razor-like incisors. I could hardly believe that such a little dog—12 pounds—could be so aggressive. But that’s the nature of both the breed and denial: a suspension of belief.

I quickly turned to bargaining (think bribery) to try to find a resolution, desperately attempting to win Zoe over with treats of every flavor (even wild boar). I gave her a squeaky toy squirrel—which, every single morning, she flipped high into the air before attempting to break its neck. I remained determined to woo her, since I knew this relationship needed to work in order for Jim and me to succeed. But it didn’t—at least not during our marriage.

The reign of the terrier continued after we all moved in together. I did my best to soothe the relationship: dividing the house with gates, calming the dogs (and myself) with anti-anxiety medications, even arranging therapy at the North Carolina State Veterinary Canine Behavioral Service. 

The problem wasn’t just between the pooches. Zoe bit me on several occasions (often enough that I kept the antibacterial Phisoderm at the ready). One night, Zoe unexpectedly lunged at my face, tearing my upper lip and sending me to the ER post-haste. Forget the bargaining—I found myself squarely at anger, with a good-sized dose of depression thrown in (oh, and pain, too).

The canine conflict became a recurrent theme in our couples therapy, which also focused on mutual acceptance of each other’s faults and foibles. While Zoe and Max were not invited, their ongoing battle often mirrored our sessions.

Missing Is the Hardest Part

When my beloved Max died, Zoe did not celebrate with her prancing happy dance. In fact, she seemed bereft. With the entire house now open to her (no more gates), she hardly knew what to do with her freedom. She’d approach Max’s leash, still hanging at the back door, as if it were an apparition. It smells like Max, so why is Max not here? I imagined her wondering. As I watched her approach, retreat, and sniff, I was certain she was processing her own loss, and I actually felt genuine sympathy for her. In the months that followed, I found my anger with her dissolving into what I imagined was our shared grief at losing Max. 

In the months that followed, I found my anger with her dissolving into what I imagined was our shared grief at losing Max. 

Was it possible I was beginning to accept Zoe for who she was?

Yes, I’d started to realize that Zoe, like her “masters,” was a product of nature and nurture, a prisoner of both her gene pool and her environment. Dog experts have consistently noted the breed’s aggression, possessiveness, and jealousy, as well as its “small dog/big attitude” traits. Yes and yes. The more I understood her hard wiring, the more I was able to forgive her for behaviors she could not control.

Age also took its toll on Zoe, with increasing frailties that included deafness and incontinence. One morning I woke to discover she had soiled her pet bed and herself. Such naked humiliation. Rather than resist—or attack—she simply went limp as I bathed her.

Coming Full Circle

After Jim left, I surprised myself (and the friends who knew our bloody backstory) by asking for joint custody. He said no.

My divorce lawyer advised me not to fight it, pointing out that legally a pet is considered just another possession (in this case, Jim’s). In our separation agreement, Zoe was listed between “electric salt and pepper shaker” and “red bowl.”  There would be no bargaining here, only more loss and anger. I signed the agreement, which acknowledged that Zoe belonged to Jim.

A few weeks later, I was shocked to get an email from Jim telling me his new condo wasn’t dog friendly. Was I interested in taking Zoe full time? In a Malcolm Gladwell “blink” moment, I said yes. That’s when I knew I had come full circle, accepting her worst behaviors without trying to change them—or her. 

I’d have been blind not to see that what applies to four-legged loved ones also applies to the two-legged variety. I realized that my intention at yoga class—accept Jim for who he is and let go—had been more than a metaphor. For me, acceptance paved the road to separation and divorce, which finally meant being able to live without rancor and regrets.  

Thanks, Zoe.

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Bringing Mindfulness to Students Suffering from Trauma

JG Larochette’s first word—“ball”—was an early sign that he would find presence not in stillness but in motion. As he grew up, the baseball diamond and soccer field were his refuge. And after playing Division I baseball in college, Larochette joined Playworks, a California nonprofit that fosters recess play in low-income schools. A two-week assignment at an inner-city elementary school in Richmond, CA, began ominously: One afternoon, when Larochette was on the basketball court, students pelted him with rocks. He was determined to respond with love.

Making spaces safe and loving became his passion, first on court, then as a classroom teacher. But as a full-time teacher, Larochette lost the habit of daily physical activity through which he had previously channeled stress. He struggled with insomnia, anxiety, and depression. Just as he began to contemplate leaving the classroom, after eight years, he found a lifeline: mindfulness. Within weeks, Larochette was sharing mindfulness practices with his students; within months, he was sharing with other schools in the community. Today, Larochette is the founder and director of the Mindful Life Project, a nonprofit that now provides intervention programs—including mindfulness—for 22 underserved Bay Area schools, and leads mindfulness trainings in schools nationwide.

Tell me about your time at Coronado Elementary School.

I fell in love with the kids and families, and I went really hard for those nine years. The kids were dealing with trauma and suffering, and I kept trying to do more—rally the community, help on the playground, collect signatures to get the resources we needed. Five years in, when I was 28, I started having bouts of anxiety and depression. I did not know what self-care was, and I kept pushing. Eventually, I was sleeping only two or three hours a night. I tried everything: therapy, medication, acupuncture, craniosacral therapy. I tried and tried, but I was sliding into an abyss.

How did you end up turning to mindfulness?

Someone suggested meditation. I’m a movement kind of person, so stillness was an interesting alternative. I tried one meditation place and left feeling even more anxious. But someone else mentioned mindfulness. After taking an introductory class through my health-care provider, I attended a Monday night talk and meditation practice at Spirit Rock, a nearby Insight meditation center. That was the moment: I felt at home in myself.

That quickly?

My brain was in such a state of haywire that even the second it started to rewire was significant. The light went on: This is what I’ve needed for my whole life, especially the last 10 years. Within weeks, my sleep improved. 

Would you elaborate about this sense of feeling “at home”?

I’m an immigrant kid. My father is Argentinian. My mother is Jewish and Israeli. My first language was Spanish. But I wasn’t really Latino. I’m a six-feet-three-inches-tall white guy. I never really felt comfortable in my own skin, never felt that I belonged to a community that I could relate to. And as a child, I was a worrier. When I look back, I realize that sports were my mindfulness practice: On the field, I was in the present moment. But I couldn’t name it then—what it was that made me feel empowered, comfortable, at home.

You were quick to bring mindfulness into your third-grade classroom. Why? 

Earlier that year, I had been so caught up with resolving classroom conflicts, settling kids down, redirecting their attention, assigning consequences. I had students who had lost family members, a couple of students whose fathers were incarcerated, a student whose father was on the run from immigration—it was a significant trauma group. But I realized that my anxiety and fear—my being disconnected from the present moment and trying to avoid my humanity—had been causing my students to feel the same way. 

How did that first session go?

I’d been practicing for two or three weeks. I had no idea how to lead meditation, but I kept it simple—two minutes. If you don’t like it, I said, I won’t force it on you, but I’ve found something that’s helped me, and maybe it will help you. We’re going to focus on sounds and on breathing. They looked at me: What? We thought you were the cool teacher!

Within 15 seconds, every kid in the room was still. Eyes closed. No fidgeting. I saw their facial muscles and their bodies dropping into relaxation. After two minutes, when I rang the bell, no one moved. Twenty-five kids! I thought, Are they messing with me? After a few minutes, they began to open their eyes, and then, they shared: I felt relaxed. It was like floating in the clouds.

And you’ve never wavered in your own practice? 

It’s funny. I’m actually more disciplined about practicing mindfulness than I am about flossing my teeth. I haven’t missed one day of practicing or sitting in stillness.●

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A Self-Guided Day of Mindfulness

Six Mindful Books We’re Reading This Summer

Stranger in the Mirror: The Scientific Search For the Self

Robert V. LevineRobinson

Dr. Robert V. Levine has taught psychology courses for over 50 years at California State University, Fresno, and has written and edited several books on social psychology. Given all of this study and experience, he seems like an apt person to put forward a scientific theory on what a “self” really consists of—an endeavor that produced this latest work. What, Levine asks, does science say about our search for the self, and how should it inform the ways we think about life purpose, self-improvement, mental health? Psychology, biology, neuroscience, and sociology are just a few of the fields Levine delves into, serving up cutting-edge research and case studies from each (such as the first near-total face transplant done in the US, or a person whose dissociative identity disorder gave them over 20 distinct “selves”—with only certain of the alter egos being aware of the other ones). 

So what can we expect from Levine’s fascination with this question? The self “is just a story we write—or, more precisely, are constantly rewriting,” he tells us. “When the story works, it enables us to think of ourselves as one person. It creates a sense of unity and continuity. But good storytelling should not be confused with accurate reporting. The self is not a thing. We are, in fact, ultimately undescribable.”

What, Levine asks, does science say about our search for the self, and how should it inform the ways we think about life purpose, self-improvement, mental health?

Not very satisfying, one might think. For eons already, wisdom traditions have been teaching the truth of impermanence of all things under the sun, the individual self being no exception. And any meditator will know the only constant about our sense of self is that it changes. Still, Levine manages to make the subject new, conveying the thrill of potential that exists in our own intangibility. 

Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up

Jerry ColonnaHarper Business

The moniker venture capitalist doesn’t usually generate warm, fuzzy feelings. You might think “money-obsessed know-it-all.” But for Jerry Colonna, money is not the big motivator. His experience tells him that anyone who aspires to great things will face challenges that test inner resolve. That’s why Reboot focuses on “radical self-inquiry”: looking in places we don’t want to look, where we get stuck in a quagmire of fears, doubts, and self-criticisms. When we can look in those places—using the stability gained through contemplative practice—it can cultivate inner strength to take on the inevitable obstacles on the path to realizing our deepest aspirations.

Hark 

Sam LipsyteSimon & Schuster

In this amusing novel, Sam Lipsyte throws you into an all-too-recognizable world of desperate inequality, unceasing conflict, and unshakeable dissatisfaction, where the only hope for the future is Mental Archery: a “new” spiritual path that’s part New-Age lore, part yoga postures, part fake history. Failed stand-up comic Hark Morner rises to fame and wealth as its guru, but his motley bunch of apostles have bigger plans for Mental Archery than he can possibly deliver on. Each of these would-be heroes is consumed by ideology and nihilism alike. Yet along with his acerbic humor, Lipsyte conveys a buoying belief in belief itself: the unifying potential of ideas and of hope, not just as things to be bought and sold, but as what might actually save us.

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy: Embodied Presence & Inquiry in Practice

Susan Woods, Patricia Rockman, and Evan CollinsNew Harbinger

When three mood-disorder researchers (John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Mark Williams) collaborated in the early 90s to marry Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to mindfulness practices, they created a hybrid greater than the sum of its parts. MBCT  doesn’t simply overlay meditation on CBT’s challenging of habitual thought patterns. It emphasizes going beyond manipulating thoughts to becoming intimately aware of our automatic patterns—trusting that repeated non-judgmental appraisal of these patterns can inspire us to disrupt repetitive thinking. 

In this book, three clinicians who have been teaching MBCT for nearly as long as it has existed (and who also train others to teach MBCT) lift up the hood on this relatively new and powerful vehicle. They do so in order to guide would-be practitioners—particularly those who facilitate MBCT courses—in the nuances of how MBCT works when it’s done well. 

Two major themes rise to the surface. The first is that to facilitate MBCT requires embodying the practice. One of MBCT’s founders, Zindel Segal, who wrote the foreword to this book, has repeatedly emphasized that mindfulness is a skill. As such, it must be modeled and demonstrated for others. MBCT is not about getting high on insights; it’s about learning how to ride and redirect our mind and emotions.

MBCT is not about getting high on insights; it’s about learning how to ride and redirect our mind and emotions.

The second major theme is that inquiry practice—essentially prompting us to explore and describe experience—is the powerhouse at the heart of MBCT, and it emerges as a “contemplative dialogue.” The book offers a master class in this powerful form of dialogue, which has been extremely helpful for countless people working with anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders.

Put Your Worries Here: A Creative Journal for Teens with Anxiety

Lisa M. Schab, LCSW Instant Health Books

Anxiety often goes hand-in-hand with navigating the teenage years. Academic stress, home life, relationships, sexuality, emotional and physical changes—it seems like there are endless sources of worry. Based on the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness, Put Your Worries Here offers a safe and welcoming place for teens to manage these anxious thoughts and feelings. With 100 written and visual journaling prompts, it speaks directly to teens (“Create a playlist of the songs that help you de-stress. Write the best lyrics here.”), and lets them discover their own best way of expressing and working with difficult emotions.  

A Mind at Home with Itself

Byron Katie, with Stephen MitchellHarperOne

The popular self-help visionary Byron Katie goes by a surname that’s a common first name. She is simply Katie, like Lebron is Lebron and Prince was Prince. Simple yet complicated, as is the system she teaches the world over, which is “the revolutionary process called ‘the work.’”

You don’t need a secret initiation to uncover what “the work” is. It’s right there, in four questions: 1. Is it true?; 2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?; 3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?; 4. Who would you be without that thought?

Beneath that simplicity is a minefield of fundamental questions. In person, Katie is playful, humorous, both direct and elusive. On the page, with the aid of co-writer and husband Stephen Mitchell, she seems a little more philosophical and speculative. But the strongest sections of A Mind at Home with Itself are transcripts of Katie carrying on the inquiry process with a range of people going through widely varying challenges. 

And herein lies the popularity of Katie’s work: the enduring power of inquiry. The Socratic method of continually inquiring of a thing whether it’s true and what consequences emerge from that is alive and well, and even though this book is largely dedicated to a Buddhist sutra, it’s reminiscent of the mindfulness of an ancient Greek.

Podcast Review

The Fatherly Podcast

Episode: Searching for Peace and Quiet

When we find ourselves responsible for others’ well-being, there’s the opportunity for our mindfulness practice to be transformed. That is, if we—as parents or caregivers of any nature—can even find time to meditate. And if we can withstand the pressures of being imperfect people who are, nevertheless, relied upon to provide help and solutions. We can, in these kinds of situations, “practice not knowing right now. Learn from it, don’t separate from it.” Author and Buddhist teacher Joan Halifax talks with humor and wisdom about specific ways to bring a grounded awareness into all of our interactions as compassionate, ethical caregivers. 

The Hidden Brain

Episode: Why No One Feels Rich — The Psychology of Inequality

How we think about inequality matters. Psychologist Keith Payne reports that, all the way up the income ladder, even the wealthiest 1% compare themselves unfavorably to still-wealthier others. Why? It’s a survival tactic, enhanced by life under capitalism. In moderation, “upward” social comparison can be adaptive, motivating us to work hard to earn more—and conversely, “downward” social comparisons can make us feel like our own rung on the ladder is A-OK after all, which may be demotivating. Our brains are never sure whether we truly have “enough.” If we’re aware of these mental habits, says Payne, “we can be more mindful about the kinds of comparisons we’re making on a daily basis.”

the Kindness Podcast

Episode: “Everyday Generosity” — Drew Formsma

How many seventeen-year-olds spend their free time doing motivational speaking on the power of generosity? One, at least. That’s Drew Formsma, a Californian teen with a passion for giving. Drew talks to host Nicole Philips about his book (written with his dad, Brad) Everyday Generosity: Becoming a Generous Family in a Selfie World, which aims to inspire all manner of giving, from a kind word to our full attention. “A lot of times, when you give, it’s easy to expect something out of it,” Drew says. “But it’s not about us; it’s about the person we’re giving to.”

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Is Your Mindfulness Practice a Political Statement?

Like so many deep and subtle questions, “Is mindfulness political?” requires a no & yes answer.

Mindful extols the work of mindfulness teachers who teach in secular contexts. These teachers are very unlikely to raise political issues in the context of a mindfulness class, at the risk of alienating a student. The intent is to create an open, safe space welcoming to all. So, it is an article of faith with Mindful that we work to maintain mindfulness as an apolitical space, so to speak—in the sense that we don’t take specific political positions, or directly advocate for a given policy, politician, or party. 

We see ourselves as existing within “the public square,” where each of us is respected, acknowledged, and heard regardless of whatever religious, spiritual, political, or ideological beliefs we may have—so long as the beliefs and behaviors don’t advocate hate or racial superiority. We each may be motivated by our beliefs and practices without using them to exclude others or wearing them as a badge that gives us special status.

If you are coming to meditation to know yourself better, to find relief from stress, and to gain insight, it will not be helpful if you feel excluded because you do not belong to a particular group or espouse certain views (political or otherwise). It’s early days and much more needs to be accomplished, but many teachers of meditation and meditation groups are paying special attention to how they may have been marginalizing people who are not from the dominant culture and trying to diversify the mix of teachers (see page 38 to learn about women leaders in the mindfulness movement).

So, no. Mindfulness is not political. Tying mindfulness to a particular brand of politics would be exclusionary.

Just as we cannot exclude the full range of emotions—joy, anger, sadness, jealousy, desire, rage, and all the rest—from our meditative experience, so too we cannot exclude our aspirations for how we want ourselves, our children, our fellow people to live. 

But here’s the yes part. While we may be apolitical at Mindful, and see mindfulness itself as apolitical—in the sense I’ve just laid out—it’s also true that there is a way in which mindfulness is unavoidably political. As Aristotle indicated, human beings are “political animals,” by which he meant that each human being lives within a community (polis)—if not many communities—and within those communities, we seek to work together to make a good life for all concerned. We aspire to make the world a better place.

When it comes to mindfulness, then, as one practices and comes to know one’s mind better, is it possible to exclude this part of your being—the part that yearns to live well within community with others? Just as we cannot exclude the full range of emotions—joy, anger, sadness, jealousy, desire, rage, and all the rest—from our meditative experience, so too we cannot exclude our aspirations for how we want ourselves, our children, our fellow people to live. 

In general, mindfulness begins with close attention: one-pointed focus on where we are and what’s going on inside and out. Over time, though, this will bleed into a wider awareness that sees connections and explores what drives us and what effects we’re having on the world around us and the people, plants, and animals in it. It brings us into direct contact with our values, and the fundamental aspiration all of us have to make a better world, the part of us that cares.

To tell someone that mindfulness and awareness exclude basic parts of being human would be a lie, and may be as off-putting to someone with a strong passion to change the world as telling someone that mindfulness requires adopting a prescribed political viewpoint. Mindfulness practice may not dictate what particular course of action we take or our particular political persuasion, and in that sense it is apolitical. Because mindfulness and awareness leave no stone unturned, though, discovering what’s happening in our minds in an intimate way will ask us to explore our deepest values, and those can’t help but have a political dimension

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